How to deal with heartbreak?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Normally when I've had crushes, it's on people I see regularly but don't speak to often. Usually it never develops and whilst it is heartbreaking, it's relatively quick and easy to get over.

For the first time in my life, I've developed a crush on a colleague who is my friend. Someone who I know well and talk regularly to even outside of work. I'm pretty certain the feeling isn't mutual and I may have been put in the friendzone. Deep down a part of me wants to try any possibility to develop it. Another part wants to move on. I hinted to another colleague (pretending it was a situation of a friend) and she reckons to develop it cos you don't want any regrets in life. I try moving on but I'm struggling so hard to get over her. It pains me going over the messages she sends which hint she isnt interested. I constantly think about her no matter what I do to try and take my mind off things. I've now finished uni but I still work 2 days a week. And I need this job till I have a mkre secure income. Leavung my job would help but it's something I can't afford to do right now.
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CaptainDuckie
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#2
Report 2 months ago
#2
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. It’s completely normal to have and it often feels disheartening knowing that you can’t have her, that’s alright. Take a moment to yourself for a bit. After you’ve done that, you need to understand that whatever you do is out of your hands, accept it and try moving on.

Having said that, I would highly suggest you stop/ restrict contact from her. This will allow you to break attachment from her, one in which can give you false hope. Don’t make it a habit to get into long conversations with her and keep firm distance.

In addition to that, don’t try and get “revenge” because she isn’t interested in you. Instead, just show your love towards someone else, there will be a person willing to appreciate you as you are, if not her. Have plenty of hope and make sure you prioritise yourself before anything else because at the end of the day, you’ll only see this moment as a memory that you have so don’t let it affect you.

Hope this helped.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#3
(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. It’s completely normal to have and it often feels disheartening knowing that you can’t have her, that’s alright. Take a moment to yourself for a bit. After you’ve done that, you need to understand that whatever you do is out of your hands, accept it and try moving on.

Having said that, I would highly suggest you stop/ restrict contact from her. This will allow you to break attachment from her, one in which can give you false hope. Don’t make it a habit to get into long conversations with her and keep firm distance.

In addition to that, don’t try and get “revenge” because she isn’t interested in you. Instead, just show your love towards someone else, there will be a person willing to appreciate you as you are, if not her. Have plenty of hope and make sure you prioritise yourself before anything else because at the end of the day, you’ll only see this moment as a memory that you have so don’t let it affect you.

Hope this helped.
Thank you for your response. It's very helpful and I appreciate it a lot.

There's things she says which always gives me mixed feelings/signals. For instance she says stuff like "I know you care".

Or another example is that she saw me outside of work by chance at the supermarket. Then she messages me like "we're connected in a deeper way".

I made another joke saying I'd get a restraining order on her and she said replied "restraining orders can't keep us apart"

Am I looking too deep into it?
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CaptainDuckie
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your response. It's very helpful and I appreciate it a lot.

There's things she says which always gives me mixed feelings/signals. For instance she says stuff like "I know you care".

Or another example is that she saw me outside of work by chance at the supermarket. Then she messages me like "we're connected in a deeper way".

I made another joke saying I'd get a restraining order on her and she said replied "restraining orders can't keep us apart"

Am I looking too deep into it?

If you are not sure where you stand with her, and she’s giving you signals, I’d say try asking her how she feels about you. If no luck, just do everything I said in the previous reply.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#5
(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
If you are not sure where you stand with her, and she’s giving you signals, I’d say try asking her how she feels about you. If no luck, just do everything I said in the previous reply.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I'll progress with this over the course of time. Hopefully if it goes well I'll report back
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Anonymous #2
#6
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#6
This is the question most England fans will be asking now. L o L
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is the question most England fans will be asking now. L o L
LOOOOOL
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I'll progress with this over the course of time. Hopefully if it goes well I'll report back
So bit of an update:

Things are still mix signalled. I left Instagram a couple weeks back and she messaged me asking how we were going to stay in touch. In the end we decided that I'd give her my number. The first week after that, nothing had changed. Everything was still the same. But suddenly during the second week...I can't remember how but we started messaging...and since then we haven't stopped. Literally everyday we are messaging. And usually when she messages, there's no effort to keep the convo going. But now for some reason, shes really keeping it going....shes constantly asking questions and if she sees the convo is dying out, she'll start new topic. I purposely tried to kill the convo to see what she'd do and she started a new topic. She even pointed me out on it and why I didn't continue the convo.

Fast forward to last week....we called each other. First time we spent half an hour on the phone.....a couple days ago we called again and we soent over an hour. This may sound all positive but I'm still getting mixed signals. I've told her through passing of convo that I care a lot about her and she means so much to me....and she responded that she cares aswell about me. But then at other times she keeps bringing up how such good friends we are and that we're besties....

A strong part of me may think that she's genuinely treating this as a friendship and not looking to develop it.

But before she got my number and back when we used to DM on Instagram, why didn't she talk like this????

Women are sooo confusing 😭😭.

P.s: Forgot to mention, whilst we were on the phone, we somehow got on the topic of flirting and women flirting through sexualising themselves (e.g. showing clevage, exposing skin, etc). She said she doesn't like that and she has "her" ways of flirting with a guy. What dies this mean? Am I truely in the friendzone if she's discussing this sort of thing with me?
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CaptainDuckie
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
So bit of an update:

Things are still mix signalled. I left Instagram a couple weeks back and she messaged me asking how we were going to stay in touch. In the end we decided that I'd give her my number. The first week after that, nothing had changed. Everything was still the same. But suddenly during the second week...I can't remember how but we started messaging...and since then we haven't stopped. Literally everyday we are messaging. And usually when she messages, there's no effort to keep the convo going. But now for some reason, shes really keeping it going....shes constantly asking questions and if she sees the convo is dying out, she'll start new topic. I purposely tried to kill the convo to see what she'd do and she started a new topic. She even pointed me out on it and why I didn't continue the convo.

Fast forward to last week....we called each other. First time we spent half an hour on the phone.....a couple days ago we called again and we soent over an hour. This may sound all positive but I'm still getting mixed signals. I've told her through passing of convo that I care a lot about her and she means so much to me....and she responded that she cares aswell about me. But then at other times she keeps bringing up how such good friends we are and that we're besties....

A strong part of me may think that she's genuinely treating this as a friendship and not looking to develop it.

But before she got my number and back when we used to DM on Instagram, why didn't she talk like this????

Women are sooo confusing 😭😭.

P.s: Forgot to mention, whilst we were on the phone, we somehow got on the topic of flirting and women flirting through sexualising themselves (e.g. showing clevage, exposing skin, etc). She said she doesn't like that and she has "her" ways of flirting with a guy. What dies this mean? Am I truely in the friendzone if she's discussing this sort of thing with me?


In future, try quoting me.

I say that she doesn’t like you in that way. Unfortunately. I feel like this is a strong friend zone tbh

Just do everything I said in post #1, there are plenty of fish in the sea so don’t worry.

As for what she said, it’s pretty much was it says on the tin. She might prefer words rather than actions. You should have asked her to clarify.
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Anonymous #3
#10
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#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
This is the question most England fans will be asking now. L o L
I'm dead
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username3477548
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#11
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#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
So bit of an update:

Things are still mix signalled. I left Instagram a couple weeks back and she messaged me asking how we were going to stay in touch. In the end we decided that I'd give her my number. The first week after that, nothing had changed. Everything was still the same. But suddenly during the second week...I can't remember how but we started messaging...and since then we haven't stopped. Literally everyday we are messaging. And usually when she messages, there's no effort to keep the convo going. But now for some reason, shes really keeping it going....shes constantly asking questions and if she sees the convo is dying out, she'll start new topic. I purposely tried to kill the convo to see what she'd do and she started a new topic. She even pointed me out on it and why I didn't continue the convo.

Fast forward to last week....we called each other. First time we spent half an hour on the phone.....a couple days ago we called again and we soent over an hour. This may sound all positive but I'm still getting mixed signals. I've told her through passing of convo that I care a lot about her and she means so much to me....and she responded that she cares aswell about me. But then at other times she keeps bringing up how such good friends we are and that we're besties....

A strong part of me may think that she's genuinely treating this as a friendship and not looking to develop it.

But before she got my number and back when we used to DM on Instagram, why didn't she talk like this????

Women are sooo confusing 😭😭.

P.s: Forgot to mention, whilst we were on the phone, we somehow got on the topic of flirting and women flirting through sexualising themselves (e.g. showing clevage, exposing skin, etc). She said she doesn't like that and she has "her" ways of flirting with a guy. What dies this mean? Am I truely in the friendzone if she's discussing this sort of thing with me?
Coming from a girl, I think she likes you.
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Lucifer323
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#12
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#12
:rofl:

What a story?!
But she does like you as it seems...

M
Last edited by Lucifer323; 1 month ago
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gjd800
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#13
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#13
start a band, write a song about it, cash in
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tierny3
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#14
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#14
This is not heartbreak. Actual Heartbreak feels worse. Just find a new person/thing to fantasize over.
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Anonymous #1
#15
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#15
(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
In future, try quoting me.

I say that she doesn’t like you in that way. Unfortunately. I feel like this is a strong friend zone tbh

Just do everything I said in post #1, there are plenty of fish in the sea so don’t worry.

As for what she said, it’s pretty much was it says on the tin. She might prefer words rather than actions. You should have asked her to clarify.
Ahhh, sorry about that. I will do.

I also read some of the other replies to this thread and other people are saying she does like me 😵😵😵.

I found it hilarious that I also have moxed responses. Ahahahaha. I'm gonna try keep things going but not try to get my hopes up. Amd I'll see how that goes
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Anonymous #1
#16
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(Original post by Qxi.xli)
Coming from a girl, I think she likes you.
Really? What would make you say that?

Is what she's doing a tactic girls use?
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Anonymous #1
#17
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#17
(Original post by Lucifer323)
:rofl:

What a story?!
But she does like you as it seems...

M
Ahah thanks.

I dunno...I hope so. But what makes you say that?
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miser
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#18
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#18
Are you feeling any better?

My advice would be don't dwell on it - it only feels sucky when you're consciously thinking about it. It will go away with time, and that time can either be spent thinking about it constantly, or can be spent reading books or focusing on other things. You can't be upset and absorbed in a task at the same time.

Alternatively, dating 3 more girls will help put it in perspective.
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Anonymous #1
#19
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#19
(Original post by miser)
Are you feeling any better?

My advice would be don't dwell on it - it only feels sucky when you're consciously thinking about it. It will go away with time, and that time can either be spent thinking about it constantly, or can be spent reading books or focusing on other things. You can't be upset and absorbed in a task at the same time.

Alternatively, dating 3 more girls will help put it in perspective.
Well since we've got each other's numbers and we're constantly texting eveyday, it's somewhat calmed the emotions. Altough I'm still getting mixed signals. So I'm still on the verge of feeling normal and feeling heartbroken.

I'm trying to train myself to not fet my expectations high just incase she treats this as pure friendship.
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CaptainDuckie
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#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ahhh, sorry about that. I will do.

I also read some of the other replies to this thread and other people are saying she does like me 😵😵😵.

I found it hilarious that I also have moxed responses. Ahahahaha. I'm gonna try keep things going but not try to get my hopes up. Amd I'll see how that goes


I really doubt that she likes you.

If a girl really liked you - she will initiate that she does one way or the other. She has stated that you’re her “bestie” - there’s no way you can get out of this.

I don’t think she’s sexually attracted to you like that.
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