Okay I'm looking for a mix of ages when it comes to responses for this one, because I'm genuinely wanting to know the opinions of teens, adults, and other parents.
When it comes to encouraging stubborn teens to study, is there a point where the parent should just sort of back off and leave the teen to it (and basically chalk it up to being a life lesson if the teen doesn't get the results they would have wanted), or is it the parental role to keep pushing (regardless of the age of the teen) even if they are met with nothing but resistance?
Picture the scene:
Teenage girl aged 17 - in sixth form college (Year 12) doing A Levels.
All through GCSE years she was pushed by her mother to actually do studying. Every time she was supposed to be studying, she sneakily did other things (nothing bad, just not studying!)
She lied a lot and said she was studying, but wasn't, and it got to the point where her mother was pleading with her, cajoling her, bribing her, punishing her, everything. The carrot was given. The proverbial stick was given. The mother was banging her head against a brick wall. The daughter kept saying she would study, but every time the mother's back was turned the girl just didn't. She procrastinated and procrastinated and procrastinated.
Through a LOT of effort on the part of the mother (who literally had to sit with her for many hours every single day and literally revise with her), whilst being met with nothing but resistance, the girl passed her GCSEs (not with amazing grades, but good enough to get into sixth form).
Now the girl is back to procrastinating - this time it's not just with academic work but also with her driving. She's failed her theory test already and now has it booked again, but she's doing everything in her power to procrastinate. She's doing awfully in practice theory tests. One of her A-Level subjects she's averaging at a D in (the other two aren't too bad but one has slipped from an A to a B). Her mother tells her to revise - she says she will, but then doesn't. She does everything BUT revise. She says she's been revising, but the grades aren't changing. She wants to go to an RG uni, but seems to just not want to put any work in.
She's so capable but she puts in next to no effort. The mother is pulling her hair out. Why is it so hard to get this girl to study?
It leads to arguments. The girl gets frustrated that the mother is constantly nagging. The mother is frustrated because she doesn't want to be constantly nagging. Yet the girl still hardly ever studies.
The father says that the girl will be 18 this year, and that there comes a point where the mother should just wash her hands of it all. It's the girl's life, she's not a baby, and ultimately if she fails everything she'll just have to go to uni when she's a mature student and maybe more responsible. He also says that if she fails the theory test again, the parents should stop paying for driving lessons.
The mother isn't sure. She feels as though if she stops pushing the girl, she'll have failed her responsibilities as a parent. She feels as though, even when the girl is an adult, it's her role to help her children no matter their age to achieve the lives they want to achieve. But the father says that if the girl really wants to learn to drive and go to uni, she has to help herself. He thinks the mother should just let it go, and let the girl make her own mistakes, because the mother has been pushing the girl now for several years and you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
So here's where the opinions are needed:
Teens - do your parents push you to study and to achieve things in life? Do you think that it's their job to encourage you even if you are resisting? Do you think that once you reach 18 you are capable of making your own decisions, and that your parents should back off?
Adults - did your parents push you and encourage you? Do you wish they had pushed you more? Do you look back and feel grateful (or resentful) for the way your parents were in regards to your education?
Parents - what would you do if you were the mother in this situation?