Girls don&#x27;t find me attractive at all

OP

Original post by Whizz2244

My advice? Don't bother with apps. Get out there and talk to people. Be genuine, be kind, learn to small talk, remember details about people for if you meet them again. If you think you have a chance with someone, take it. Don't sit idly by living in hope. There are plenty of people who seemingly strike lucky with this sort of thing. What you think you may lack in looks you need to make up for in personality. I'm telling you now, someone engaging, clever, funny and charismatic is far more attractive to me than a good-looking airhead

How to do this? I'm very introverted and have social anxiety, probably not as bad as I think I have it but still do a bit, I get very nervous and stutter a lot. Let alone knowing what to say to someone I've never talked to before... I'm stuck on this

Reply 3

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Bro forget women and focus on the gym, studying hard and praying to Allah. We got more important things to be worrying about 🗣💪💪💪 You got this brother hang tight ❤ Build yourself into a king and you'll find a wife im sure of it ❗

Any tips you could help me with?

Reply 4

Foxehh

21

Original post by cos123

How to do this? I'm very introverted and have social anxiety, probably not as bad as I think I have it but still do a bit, I get very nervous and stutter a lot. Let alone knowing what to say to someone I've never talked to before... I'm stuck on this

Women like confidence, you can be hideous and say the strangest stuff but as long as you sit back with an ego and speak confidently, no one will pay much mind.. and truly most of confidence building is fake it till you make it. Work on that and I'm sure you'll find some more success.

Reply 5

Redboltian

1

I get what you mean, I'm just like that but unlike you I've accepted that I'll be single and a virgin forever, I'm obese and don't have the best personality so I had to accept that I'll be single forever. The reason why i won't change? Dating is overrated and ot seems the pain that comes from failed relationships is much greater than the joy it provides (assuming everything goes right without a hitch).
So you either have to change yourself or accept reality, i know it seems harsh but you'll get used to it.

Reply 6

Original post by cos123

How to do this? I'm very introverted and have social anxiety, probably not as bad as I think I have it but still do a bit, I get very nervous and stutter a lot. Let alone knowing what to say to someone I've never talked to before... I'm stuck on this

Bro, you need to work on this... I'll explain:-

When it comes to dating, shyness social anxiety & introversion are at their most detrimental to heterosexual men. The reason I say this is because in courtship, it's traditionally the guy who instigates these things. You see, if you're a shy girl (or a gay guy, for that matter), you can take a more passive role while you wait for a more assertive individual to take the initiative. It's extremely rare for girls to actively approach a guy (unless he's VERY good looking or otherwise very highly desirable)... the most girls will do is show obvious signs that they like you.

Despite what some of the cynics here believe, you can overcome your shyness if you make a commitment to it. I'd suggest you research something called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This is a proven technique for tackling various fears and phobias... and it works for overcoming shyness as well. It basically involves taking baby-steps out of your comfort zone to confront whatever your demon is. The challenge should take some effort on your part, but not overwhelming. For example, you want to be confident talking to girls... your first step could be to say "Hi" to someone in one of your classes, you know is relatively nice but you don't talk to (just a "hi" on its own will do to start with)... and later on once you've done that, maybe ask for help with something or say "hi" to someone who you see around, but is more distant (e.g. someone from halls).

I'm not saying it's easy, and it's certainly not an overnight fix... but but given enough time and effort, it DOES work, if you commit to doing it (which you would, if you want it bad enough). It won't work if you just make excuses not to try.

Reply 7

Original post by Foxehh

Women like confidence, you can be hideous and say the strangest stuff but as long as you sit back with an ego and speak confidently, no one will pay much mind.. and truly most of confidence building is fake it till you make it. Work on that and I'm sure you'll find some more success.

Whilst I'm not questioning the benefits of faking confidence in the short term... you need to bear in mind it only take one person (either accidentally or maliciously) to tap into some of your most deep-routed insecurities, and you can end up in a far worse position than you were previously or hadn't bothered.

For this reason, I personally believe in tackling things at their root cause... they need to get their hands dirty, get right to the 'nuts & bolt's' of the matter and address the real reasons they aren't confident, are anxious and squash them. Work the foundations.

It's a bit like that children's song, where the wise man builds his house on the rocks, and the foolish man builds his house on the sand.

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 8

Arconik

15

When you say ugly you say it like there is nothing you can do. Obviously certain things like your height you can't change. But you can lose weight, improve your skin care, start mewing, improve your hair, gain muscle, improve your fashion etc. Personality can be improved but I still always think just be who you are, maybe watch some comedies or standup since girls do love if you can make them laugh.

Good luck :biggrin:

Reply 9

OP

Original post by Arconik

When you say ugly you say it like there is nothing you can do. Obviously certain things like your height you can't change. But you can lose weight, improve your skin care, start mewing, improve your hair, gain muscle, improve your fashion etc. Personality can be improved but I still always think just be who you are, maybe watch some comedies or standup since girls do love if you can make them laugh.

Good luck :biggrin:

Thankfully weight isn't an issue, maybe building some.muscle to make my physique less like a twig, but I am not overweight at all. Skin care is an issue. I've acne, used a lot of products but nothing seems to work. Not sure on what you mean by mewing, never heard of this. I also personally do not think I am funny, I also rarely laugh. When in group conversations, when all other people laugh, I do notice 9 times out of 10 I do not laugh. Any tips on anything you mention or I mention here? ~ nice pfp dude too!

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 10

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

Whilst I'm not questioning the benefits of faking confidence in the short term... you need to bear in mind it only take one person (either accidentally or maliciously) to tap into some of your most deep-routed insecurities, and you can end up in a far worse position than you were previously or hadn't bothered.

For this reason, I personally believe in tackling things at their root cause... they need to get their hands dirty, get right to the 'nuts & bolt's' of the matter and address the real reasons they aren't confident, are anxious and squash them. Work the foundations.

It's a bit like that children's song, where the wise man builds his house on the rocks, and the foolish man builds his house on the sand.

Thanks for your replies :smile:

any way I can contact you privately? You seem very knowledgeable and seem to really want to help out ~ that therapy, never heard of before, could you tell me more?

Thanks for everyone else who is giving their advice too

Reply 11

Original post by cos123

Thanks for your replies :smile:

any way I can contact you privately? You seem very knowledgeable and seem to really want to help out ~ that therapy, never heard of before, could you tell me more?

Thanks for everyone else who is giving their advice too

Sure man, feel free to drop me a PM if you want (I'll respect your privacy :shh:

).

If you want to privately message someone, just click on their profile and there should be an option to send them a private message.

As I said, I'm happy to help you out via private messages if you prefer... but just don't expect an instant reply, as I do have other commitments. Besides, I'm sure you'd rather wait for a more thought out response rather than something that's rushed. I'd aim to give you a response within a couple of days from seeing your message. Worst case scenario would be a week, if I've got a really heavy / demanding schedule.

In the meantime, I'll try and put together something more info on CBT on this thread by the weekend.

Reply 12

Katerina S.

10

Original post by cos123

Thankfully weight isn't an issue, maybe building some.muscle to make my physique less like a twig, but I am not overweight at all. Skin care is an issue. I've acne, used a lot of products but nothing seems to work. Not sure on what you mean by mewing, never heard of this. I also personally do not think I am funny, I also rarely laugh. When in group conversations, when all other people laugh, I do notice 9 times out of 10 I do not laugh. Any tips on anything you mention or I mention here? ~ nice pfp dude too!

For acne you used to be able to go to the GP's and they will give you sone stuff. If that didn't work then they would then refer you to the Dermatologist at the hospital who would prescribe stronger stuff, that usually works for everyone, it did for me.

OP, you need to get onto that pronto with your GP and sort out your acne. You also seem to have multiple problems so it's no wonder why you don't get any interest from women. You need to work on them first to even stand any chance usually. If you were a woman would you be interested in a guy who has acne, social anxiety and alm the rest, it's not exactly cutting a great look.

I think you've probably got a mountain to climb as you've likely got some work to put in. Definitely knock of the easy stuff first line going to your GP to get your acne sorted. Then look at the harder tasks. I think the concept of 'social proof' goes a long way in confidence, if you've been there, done that you'll be more confident that you can handle anything, if you haven't you won't. That can come with age but you don't want to wait, better to get involved in a lot of stuff, as much as you can while you are young and become more able. That should help with being more confident.

Lastly, I would say don't aim too high in terms of women, you have to be realistic with who you are. Get to know what the women are into and see if you match similarly and go from there.

Reply 13

Katerina S.

10

Original post by Redboltian

I get what you mean, I'm just like that but unlike you I've accepted that I'll be single and a virgin forever, I'm obese and don't have the best personality so I had to accept that I'll be single forever. The reason why i won't change? Dating is overrated and ot seems the pain that comes from failed relationships is much greater than the joy it provides (assuming everything goes right without a hitch).
So you either have to change yourself or accept reality, i know it seems harsh but you'll get used to it.

Dating can have ups & downs but do you want to end up living alone and single?

Obesity is something you can change with a low calorie diet. Why miss out on life over something you can change?

Personality can be harder but the fact that you have admitted that you can fall down on this shows that you are aware and ready to admit to it. As you can do that then with effort that can be changed. I think if you were to lose weight then you will feel better about yourself and hence that may come across in your personality also. So don't give up on trying is the main thing, if you do then you risk the rear of your life becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.

Reply 14

coffeebean22

3

Hey, 22F here. Though I can't exactly speak on behalf of half the human race, I figured I may as well give you my two cents. Hopefully it's helpful.

I've never really liked dating apps. I've talked to a few of my friends about this as well, and there always seems to be similar sentiment. As a woman, it feels safer, and easier - to meet someone who I already know, like a friend of a friend, or at the very least, someone who I know even just vaguely, like in the peripheral of my daily life. You say you have a lot of hobbies - are you a part of any like clubs/groups? Because those would be the best way to meet someone, outside of parties, events etc.

Also, may just be me personally, but when it comes to whether a guys attractive or not to me it's never really centred on looks. And some of my hottest friends have gone for pretty mediocre looking guys (awful to say, but it's true). What those guys lack in looks they make up for in confidence, intelligence and 'presence'. Presence is just like a vibe they give off. Hard to describe. Muscles, height and all that aren't really that big of a deal. Channing Tatum's hot, but I wouldn't marry him just because he looks good. It's more the way you talk, walk and get sh*t done that's the most attractive. You don't need to be the life of the party or overly confident (most of the guys like that I've met are Grade A *******s anyway), but just be confident in yourself and as counter-intuitive as it might seem, the more you focus on your own success, and the less **** you give about what people think of you (within reason), who's attracted to you etc the better. That ***** intriguing.

Excuse my rambling, but make of that what you will.

Reply 15

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

Sure man, feel free to drop me a PM if you want (I'll respect your privacy :shh:

).

If you want to privately message someone, just click on their profile and there should be an option to send them a private message.

As I said, I'm happy to help you out via private messages if you prefer... but just don't expect an instant reply, as I do have other commitments. Besides, I'm sure you'd rather wait for a more thought out response rather than something that's rushed. I'd aim to give you a response within a couple of days from seeing your message. Worst case scenario would be a week, if I've got a really heavy / demanding schedule.

In the meantime, I'll try and put together something more info on CBT on this thread by the weekend.

Tried to message but keeps flagging it up as spam

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

When I was younger in my mid to late teens I used to get concerned with what others might think. Over time though I began to care less, so many people could think so many different things and most of the time many aren't really noticing and who really cares either way. A lot of what I do isn't really anything that's any big deal anyway just stuff everyone else does so same old same.

So don't worry about what others think they don't know your mind and many probably aren't even concerning themselves with what you're doing but their own lives. Generally most people tend to merge into the background most of the time.

For me I think school didn't help much. The high school I went to though academically good wasn't that pleasant to go to. Many people were fine but some kids were pretty unfriendly, would get all snotty at you even when you didn't really know them or talk to them. School was in a kind of middle class area so possibly just the types you can get around those parts or possibly problems they had they were taking out on others, who knows. I wasn't the only one, other pupils have commented to me that it wasn't the most friendly of places, lol. Shame as some pupils & teachers were fine, don't know if most schools are like that or what but it's something myself and know doubt others there could have done without.

Anyway OP, just wanted you to know that while it can take years I think eventually it does get better. I think really getting yourself sorted out as soon as you can though is best. Concentrate on yourself and ignore any concerns you might have about what others think, even if you do get any attention it's not worth attaching any value to it. As has been said above concentrating on your own progression & success in life is where it's at.

Reply 17

Dnnatnt

4

Are you interested in ugly girls? I guess no, so why should girls like you if you're not attractive?

Reply 18

Original post by cos123

Tried to message but keeps flagging it up as spam

Just sent you a test message, so check your inbox.

Hopefully you should be able to reply to that & it will start a private thread,

Reply 19

OP