my new boyfriend wants to hang out with other girls alone instead of me

heres the situation

this guy and i that i really like have been dating for a few weeks now after talking for around two months. today he told me he was blowing off our plans both tomorrow and friday to hang out with another girl but gave little to no explanation, only telling me they go to different colleges so i wouldnt know her, but she wants to hang out and he said yes.
i got upset at this but didnt want to come off as controlling. but i decided it was important to communicate my feelings with him. so i did. i told him that i felt like an option rather than a priority and his response was "you're not an option". i didnt know what to say.

he is due credit for apologising, but i think he's just saying what he thinks i want to hear. i've been cheated on before, in really bizarre circumstances, (my (now ex)boyfriend slept with my bestfriend of five years while i was in hospital, but they started off as "just friends" :wink:

. it altered my perception of relationships and my ability to trust partners. i made him fully aware of this long before we started dating and so i feel hurt than he's done this.

am i in the wrong? or is this a red flag?

Reply 1

heids.1

OP

3

Original post by heids.1

heres the situation

this guy and i that i really like have been dating for a few weeks now after talking for around two months. today he told me he was blowing off our plans both tomorrow and friday to hang out with another girl but gave little to no explanation, only telling me they go to different colleges so i wouldnt know her, but she wants to hang out and he said yes.
i got upset at this but didnt want to come off as controlling. but i decided it was important to communicate my feelings with him. so i did. i told him that i felt like an option rather than a priority and his response was "you're not an option". i didnt know what to say.

he is due credit for apologising, but i think he's just saying what he thinks i want to hear. i've been cheated on before, in really bizarre circumstances, (my (now ex)boyfriend slept with my bestfriend of five years while i was in hospital, but they started off as "just friends" :wink:

. it altered my perception of relationships and my ability to trust partners. i made him fully aware of this long before we started dating and so i feel hurt than he's done this.

am i in the wrong? or is this a red flag?

ignore the smiley face in there idk how that happened bahaha

Original post by heids.1

heres the situation

this guy and i that i really like have been dating for a few weeks now after talking for around two months. today he told me he was blowing off our plans both tomorrow and friday to hang out with another girl but gave little to no explanation, only telling me they go to different colleges so i wouldnt know her, but she wants to hang out and he said yes.
i got upset at this but didnt want to come off as controlling. but i decided it was important to communicate my feelings with him. so i did. i told him that i felt like an option rather than a priority and his response was "you're not an option". i didnt know what to say.

he is due credit for apologising, but i think he's just saying what he thinks i want to hear. i've been cheated on before, in really bizarre circumstances, (my (now ex)boyfriend slept with my bestfriend of five years while i was in hospital, but they started off as "just friends" :wink:

. it altered my perception of relationships and my ability to trust partners. i made him fully aware of this long before we started dating and so i feel hurt than he's done this.

am i in the wrong? or is this a red flag?

There's nothing wrong with him having friends of the opposite sex and hanging out with them one-on-one.

However, if we take away the context and boil it down to simply:

- He made plans with you.
- He cancelled those plans to do something else.

Then, yes, this part is a problem. I would approach it without making it about the girl, because he could be blowing you off to go watch footie with the lads and it would still be an issue. Explain to him that when he makes plans to spend time with you that it is important to you that he keeps those commitments. If something else comes up and he wants to change those plans, then he should ask you how you feel about that rather than making the decision alone and telling you that the plan is cancelled.