Feeling left out

This feels more like a rant, but i have 2 really close friends and we are basically a trio. Initially i was really close with one of them, and then the other one joined. They are both really extroverted whereas I'm the opposite. Recently i feel like I’m being left out, because they’ll talk about subjects I don’t do but they do together, or how they’re going to this concert and have already bought tickets. Maybe I’m overthinking, because for example, the concert idek who the artist is, but I just feel like Iike I can’t say anything. In the lessons i don't do with them, they always continue their conversations at lunch and break, and I don’t know what they’re talking about. They make plans in those lessons as well, some include me but the majority is not, and they make lists of places to go together. I think I’m worrying too much, but I honestly don’t know what to do. :frown:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

r u as close to the friend who joined in recently as opposed to the one u knew for a longer time?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

r u as close to the friend who joined in recently as opposed to the one u knew for a longer time?

I am as close to her, we had a bigger friendship group before and everyone had a pair who they were closer to, and when our old group got all messed up she joined my ‘pair’ if that makes sense(?)

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I am as close to her, we had a bigger friendship group before and everyone had a pair who they were closer to, and when our old group got all messed up she joined my ‘pair’ if that makes sense(?)

yea that makes sense... try inserting urself in more conversations consciously. try initiating plans urself and ask what they were talking abt. ik exactly how u feel cuz im also the introverted friend. it can be very draining so dont put urself in situations u wouldnt even enjoy in the first place. try doing and talking abt things u all have in common. u need to be more of the initiator yk. but if it feels like ur efforts r in vain, i think u should go talk to ur friends so they can understand where ur coming from cuz sometimes in these scenarios ppl dont even know what they r doing wrong. even after this, if nothing works out, i think u should realise that these ppl arent necessarily the ppl u need to be surrounded by rn as u dont feel particulary good around them.

It doesn't sound like they're purposely trying to leave you out. Make more of an effort to get involved by showing interest in what they're discussing. Ask questions about it if it's referencing something you don't know. Suggest plans for all three of you to do together.

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

This feels more like a rant, but i have 2 really close friends and we are basically a trio. Initially i was really close with one of them, and then the other one joined. They are both really extroverted whereas I'm the opposite. Recently i feel like I’m being left out, because they’ll talk about subjects I don’t do but they do together, or how they’re going to this concert and have already bought tickets. Maybe I’m overthinking, because for example, the concert idek who the artist is, but I just feel like Iike I can’t say anything. In the lessons i don't do with them, they always continue their conversations at lunch and break, and I don’t know what they’re talking about. They make plans in those lessons as well, some include me but the majority is not, and they make lists of places to go together. I think I’m worrying too much, but I honestly don’t know what to do. :frown:

You are not overthinking. You are thinking in the right wavelength.

Ditch them. Now. They should feel that their absence or them making plans without involving you has zero effect on you. That is right - take the Churchillian way.
I infer you are a school student. I am a school student as well (first year of IBDP)
Respectfully, you go to school to study. Not to involve yourself in socials. Once you understand that, then all of these things will not matter to you. You will be King of the Hill.

I am chronically lonely, but I never let my guard down. When I did, that is when people took a strike at me. Now that I do not cower, flag or fail, some respect me for it. I do not have friends, because I do not believe in this. Friends means nothing to me to be honest, because when I had friends, people misused that trust, and I had to bear that burden. It is a pain I never, ever want to go through again in life.

This is rather an opportunity to break free of chains - my advice would be to take it.

This is also a sign of forceful, group isolation. Show everyone you are a Churchillian, a person of steel, and one who is determined, to fight on. Till the very end.

I am sorry if my response stings you, but this is the harsh reality, and we all need to accept it. Having friends is an illusion. It gives but stress, pain, desperation and emotional wounds. Get out of it.

At the same time, do not go too far in showing you are comfortable being alone. Make your actions speak for itself :smile:

Cheers

Feeling left out

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