Am I a bad friend ?
A friend of mine is planning his birthday soon and I asked him who he’s inviting. Recently, a group of us went on holiday together and he is 4/5 of those people as well as others. The person he isn’t inviting is my very good friend and also a very good friend of his girlfriend. I feel really awful that this friend isn’t going to be invited but it isn’t my birthday so I can’t force him to invite her. She has invited him to her birthday too. Am I a bad friend in this scenario?
Original post by Anonymous
A friend of mine is planning his birthday soon and I asked him who he’s inviting. Recently, a group of us went on holiday together and he is 4/5 of those people as well as others. The person he isn’t inviting is my very good friend and also a very good friend of his girlfriend. I feel really awful that this friend isn’t going to be invited but it isn’t my birthday so I can’t force him to invite her. She has invited him to her birthday too. Am I a bad friend in this scenario?
I've read this post a couple of times now and can't see what you've done which would possibly make you "a bad friend". A bad friend to whom? The person throwing the party? Or your "very good friend" who isn't invited to the party? You're not the one who came-up with the invite list, so you've done nothing wrong. Or are you thinking that you'd be a bad friend if you attended, as you wouldn't be showing solidarity with your uninvited "very good friend"?
Do you know the nature of the plans? Is it something where the numbers have to be kept low for cost or practically reasons? If so, then the invite list needs to stop somewhere, and wherever it stops someone will feel left out. Or is it more of a general gathering where the number of people isn't so important? If so, then can you not gently ask, "Hey, is there a particular reason you didn't invite X?". I agree that you "can’t force him to invite her" but you can try and establish whether there's some underlying issue of which you're unaware.
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