scared of my parents.

There's not one day where I don't feel safe anytime I enter the same house as them.

I hate being scared, I hate being in fear. I've tried communicating with them(as per recommendation by friends and family) but that lead to no avail. I do have cases of social anxiety and depression and that alone is hard for a modern African family to accept.

The first time I tried to get them both down to talking, they assumed and actually believed I was on drugs. The second time, they threatened to beat me. The third (and final time), my own mother informed me that she would go to purchase canes primarily for beating the so-called 'demon' out of my body. That alone reassured me that I could never truly confide in my parents, who should be the first group of people you should seek for help and advice. Not with mine. It just emotionally detached me from them.

I'm currently in A2 and nevertheless, I am panicking to such a huge degree. Even to the point where nights become restless and I'm always on edge whenever they're around. Of course, secondary school didn't go the way that they expected or even wanted (regardless of the fact that I was proud to even achieve an A* in both Maths and English). My self-esteem is completely tarnished because of them, constantly comparing me to others and being so arrogant as to not hear me out. It sucks.

Most of the time, I don't go to eat whenever they're around. That's a policy I've made for myself. This is because of my dad. Mainly scared of him. I don't like to eat around him due to the way I was treated in childhood (he was more aggressive back then). He's home almost all day so that alone makes me scared, leaving me holed up in my own room. The only time I do come out is to greet my mum whenever she comes home from work which I HAVE to do due the morals my parents were taught.

Parents evening is tonight and even though I haven't done anything bad, I haven't misbehaved. Got my homework in on or ahead of time. Nothing bad to report. Yet I know, within that glimpse of a light, my parents will always find a shadow to complain about. I'm not going with them. My plan was to leave home as soon as they left, I can not face being around or receiving another lecture from them as to destroy my psychological state of mind. I can not. I can't sleep at night, I can't be comfortable during the day. I can't act like myself around them. It's destroying me inside.

I don't know what to do.

I'm in the exact same position. This is the first time it feels like someone relates to me. I want to run away, far away from them tonlive on my own. But I'm 17, and I don't have any money with me to do so. I'm scared to death and I desperately need someone to help me.