The Student Room Group

help me judge if this guy I've been dating on a dating app is dangerous

I've been talking with this guy on a dating app for several weeks. He's cute (not like an Instagram model but has an endearing smile in all the photos) and really nice, but I've been feeling a little bit odd about him in some places. For one, his texts seem almost too nice / energetic, in contrast to most other guys on the app who rarely use an exclamation point let alone emojis. Also, he sometimes writes like English isn't his first language (eg "I aim to do X" "that's kind of you to say" and at one point he said "this store called Waterstones" when talking about our favourite bookshops, I mean bro...) even though other times he sounds natural. I'm also sure he isn't a bot bcs his story is consistent and our conversation makes sense, so if he's dangerous it would be catfish where someone is pretending to be him or something. I don't know I really like his personality so I want to keep talking and maybe even take it further, but I'm scared because of all the news I've seen about people getting kidnapped... Can I get some third person perspectives?
Just avoid!
Reply 2
Original post by muzzichuzzi
Just avoid!
Can I ask what made you think I should avoid him?
Original post by Anonymous #1
Can I ask what made you think I should avoid him?


As it seems bit odd by the looks of it but since I am not in your shoes so can only render an outside perspective on it.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I've been talking with this guy on a dating app for several weeks. He's cute (not like an Instagram model but has an endearing smile in all the photos) and really nice, but I've been feeling a little bit odd about him in some places. For one, his texts seem almost too nice / energetic, in contrast to most other guys on the app who rarely use an exclamation point let alone emojis. Also, he sometimes writes like English isn't his first language (eg "I aim to do X" "that's kind of you to say" and at one point he said "this store called Waterstones" when talking about our favourite bookshops, I mean bro...) even though other times he sounds natural. I'm also sure he isn't a bot bcs his story is consistent and our conversation makes sense, so if he's dangerous it would be catfish where someone is pretending to be him or something. I don't know I really like his personality so I want to keep talking and maybe even take it further, but I'm scared because of all the news I've seen about people getting kidnapped... Can I get some third person perspectives?
I will suggest u keep in touch with him, as time goes on u will know if he's real.
Reply 5
Where does he say he is from; that might explain his speech pattern. And Facetime him.

If you decide to meet with him, do it safely; in a public place, tell people what you are doing and have your own means of transport to get home. If you're uncomfortable at any time, leave.

But a guy being nice over messages isn't necessarily a red flag, and being kidnapped is overthinking things somewhat...
Original post by Surnia
Where does he say he is from; that might explain his speech pattern. And Facetime him.

If you decide to meet with him, do it safely; in a public place, tell people what you are doing and have your own means of transport to get home. If you're uncomfortable at any time, leave.

But a guy being nice over messages isn't necessarily a red flag, and being kidnapped is overthinking things somewhat...

All of this. It's not the case that you either continue to message online or you meet him in a dark alley in the dead of night. There are steps you can take both to establish that he's who he says he is, and to keep you safe. Those can both be from a distance, such as Facetiming and similar, and when you meet up in person. As well as meeting in a public place, telling people where you are and so on, feel free to take a friend with you the first time. Even if you don't, just make the first meeting one in a city centre in the middle of the day at a weekend, and just go for coffee or lunch. So you're always surrounded by a lot of people. All very sensible steps you can take to keep yourself safe. And yes, if you're uncomfortable at any time, just leave and cut off contact. Trust your instinct with things like this. If you don't feel comfortable, just stop talking to him and/or don't meet him again.
Reply 7
Original post by danjeze2003
I will suggest u keep in touch with him, as time goes on u will know if he's real.
I will! Thank you
Reply 8
Original post by Surnia
Where does he say he is from; that might explain his speech pattern. And Facetime him.
If you decide to meet with him, do it safely; in a public place, tell people what you are doing and have your own means of transport to get home. If you're uncomfortable at any time, leave.
But a guy being nice over messages isn't necessarily a red flag, and being kidnapped is overthinking things somewhat...
He says he’s lived in England his whole life which made me pause… Do you think it’s safe to give him my number so we can FaceTime? Or safer to just meet in a public place?
Reply 9
Original post by Crazy Jamie
All of this. It's not the case that you either continue to message online or you meet him in a dark alley in the dead of night. There are steps you can take both to establish that he's who he says he is, and to keep you safe. Those can both be from a distance, such as Facetiming and similar, and when you meet up in person. As well as meeting in a public place, telling people where you are and so on, feel free to take a friend with you the first time. Even if you don't, just make the first meeting one in a city centre in the middle of the day at a weekend, and just go for coffee or lunch. So you're always surrounded by a lot of people. All very sensible steps you can take to keep yourself safe. And yes, if you're uncomfortable at any time, just leave and cut off contact. Trust your instinct with things like this. If you don't feel comfortable, just stop talking to him and/or don't meet him again.
Do you think giving him my number to FaceTime is safe? As I’ve heard that you can extract a lot of information from a phone number. Would it be safer to meet in person in the day on a weekend like you said? Also, if I’m bringing a friend (not for the whole duration but until I verify that he looks like the photos) should I let him know beforehand?
Set up a burner whatsapp account to video call him.

If he makes excuses or doesn't want to appear on camera, run a mile.
Original post by Anonymous
Do you think giving him my number to FaceTime is safe? As I’ve heard that you can extract a lot of information from a phone number. Would it be safer to meet in person in the day on a weekend like you said? Also, if I’m bringing a friend (not for the whole duration but until I verify that he looks like the photos) should I let him know beforehand?

The information you can find with a phone number depends on the information you have made public. You can check that for yourself; type your phone number into Google and see what comes up. There are other ways you can search for phone number related information, but a quick search like that will give you a basic idea. It is generally a good idea to be protective of your personal data though. As has been said, just set up a burner WhatsApp account or similar. Presumably when you arrange to meet up you can still communicate through whatever app you're using now and don't need to exchange numbers. In terms of taking a friend with you, yes, tell him in advance. If he has any social awareness at all he will understand. If he pushes back on it, that's a massive red flag.
Reply 12
Original post by Admit-One
Set up a burner whatsapp account to video call him.
If he makes excuses or doesn't want to appear on camera, run a mile.
Thank you, how do I do this?
I tried to use Google Voice to create a pseudo phone number but it said not available in the UK :frown:
Reply 13
Original post by Crazy Jamie
The information you can find with a phone number depends on the information you have made public. You can check that for yourself; type your phone number into Google and see what comes up. There are other ways you can search for phone number related information, but a quick search like that will give you a basic idea. It is generally a good idea to be protective of your personal data though. As has been said, just set up a burner WhatsApp account or similar. Presumably when you arrange to meet up you can still communicate through whatever app you're using now and don't need to exchange numbers. In terms of taking a friend with you, yes, tell him in advance. If he has any social awareness at all he will understand. If he pushes back on it, that's a massive red flag.
Thank you! I haven't been able to work out how to create a burner WhatsApp account (pleaseee tell me how to do it in the UK if you know) but I told him that I was bringing a friend and he was ok with it!
Reply 14
can anyone help with the burner/pseudo number situation? also is it relatively common to go this far, or is it a red flag that I should even have to think along these lines?
Original post by Anonymous
can anyone help with the burner/pseudo number situation? also is it relatively common to go this far, or is it a red flag that I should even have to think along these lines?

You can just Google it. There are several different ways to do it. And no, I don't think it's necessarily a red flag. It's perfectly healthy to be wary of a lot of things online, particularly relationships. To my mind whilst there are a couple of things that raise an eyebrow here, it's no reason to not meet him with proper precautions in place, and the fact that he doesn't have a problem with you bringing a friend is a good thing. I'd suggest meeting him and seeing how you feel after that.

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