Depressed that I am not in a relationship

I am a physics student in year 2 of my course and 21 years old. Because of this, and because of some things people say about me (rudest and most disrespectful person they ever met, incapable of social interactions, etc.), I am highly upset I am not in a relationship with someone.
I did try to get together with someone from my course this year, but she turned out to be lesbian. During that time, I did nothing but try to look out for her and care about her.
I am an extremely sensitive person (perhaps even oversensitive) who can be driven to tears by the slightest display of affection towards myself or between one person and another, and all I want is to make someone happy.
In response, a lot of people treat me like I am an alien.

Reply 1

Zarek

21

Dating is tough for many and requires patience, resilience and learning from set backs. With theses things I honestly believe success in getting what you are looking for will come. Perhaps try speaking to a counsellor with experience in young peoples issues, the SU should be able to help. In my experience the right person was able to help me get things in perspective and to find resilience that helped.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

I am a physics student in year 2 of my course and 21 years old. Because of this, and because of some things people say about me (rudest and most disrespectful person they ever met, incapable of social interactions, etc.), I am highly upset I am not in a relationship with someone.
I did try to get together with someone from my course this year, but she turned out to be lesbian. During that time, I did nothing but try to look out for her and care about her.
I am an extremely sensitive person (perhaps even oversensitive) who can be driven to tears by the slightest display of affection towards myself or between one person and another, and all I want is to make someone happy.
In response, a lot of people treat me like I am an alien.

I am really sorry to hear about that. I would say that the fact you've even gone to post this would in itself demonstrate that you are actually a more sensitive, reflective and thoughtful person than how it may come across to others, which makes the comments you've heard about yourself puzzling. Have you tried to consider whether there is any truth to them at all? Not in a nasty way, but if, for example, more than one person has said on more than one occasion that you are rude, then it is worthwhile examining yourself to see if indeed you sometimes are a bit more rude than would otherwise be appropriate. Usually (but not always!) the crowd is right when it comes to that sort of thing.
Watch Jordan Peterson when it comes to relationships, would be my advice. Particularly his older content from over 3/4 years ago (as he is not anywhere near as good/compelling today as he once was, in my view). He is extremely uplifting, motivating and he often says what you know to be true and need to hear, in my experience. I am around your age and am in a happy relationship of 2 years, and I attribute most of that to my enormous consumption of his material/philosophy when I was about 17/18.
Also, have you considered online dating, like Tinder or Hinge? These things might seem alien at first but it is very common to hear of happy couples meeting through such apps these days (me and my partner are an example of such a couple!). I would say going on this and, without too much expectations, asking any matches if they would like to meet for a coffee or go for a walk (or an alcoholic drink, if that's more your/their thing). I say "without too much expectations", because you don't want to fall into the trap of overthinking what could come from a date, as that will make it a more unnatural conversation/interaction and will cause it to sting more if nothing comes from it: instead, just go on the date, talk, listen to the person, ask them questions, appear interested (hopefully BE interested!), be honest, let go of the consequences, and over time, if you are meeting people then you will find those with whom you click - remember, girls have these exact same feelings/worries about relationships. But it takes time and active effort on the part of both people to meet!
Best of luck and do message me or reply on here if you wish to chat any further :smile:

Depressed that I am not in a relationship

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