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dealing with a "Bad" Housemate

Hi,

I was just wondering if someone could give me advice on living with a potentially bad housemate.

Next academic year (09/10) im going to be living with 3 other girls, Katie,Fran and Sally (made up names btw) in a four bedroomed house. Fran is going to be sleeping downstairs, and Katie, Sally and I will be upstairs. Sally is going away to sweden for a study aboard semseter, so from September to December it will be just Katie, Fran and I in the house. Now Katie, Fran and I use to get on really well, they were my closest friends at university, and we all decided to get a house together to make our friendships stronger. However Katie and I fell out, which although both of us were to blame for the falling out, Katie is now being extra bitchy, she is refusing to talk to me, and sent a text to my phone saying that she does not want to talk to me over the summer and that in the house she is just going to be civil to me, basically meaning that our friendship is "over"

Ive come to realise that she is a bitch and a bully, and im worried about how she is going to treat me in the house, I know from living in the same halls last year, that she liked to play really loud music (and its not the kind of music i like either) which im sure used to annoy her neighbour brad, whom she actually liked!, and i also know she is a clean freak, not saying that i am dirty, but i am just worried she is going to pick on me with the cleaning, and also as its just us 2 upstairs, im worried she will play her loud music at stupid hours when i am trying to sleep, like she did with her room last year. Im also worried about the atmosphere in the house. Does anybody have ideas on how to tackle this problem? I know its only a what if, but its a quite sure what if.

Also because Katie has fallen out with me, alot of my other friends have decided to side with her, which im annoyed about because what happens between katie and i shouldnt affect anyone else, and i havent done anything wrong, she was just a bully. So now i feel so alone

Sorry if this sounds all jumbled up or childish or silly, I just wanted some advice, and thanks for the advice anyone can give :smile:

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Reply 1

Hana_87

Hey - i know how hard dramas like this can be in the house.

I'm not going to lie to you - living with her sounds like it will be hard.

I'd suggest either making up with her (who cares if you have to kiss arse and not mean it, it'll be worth it trust me) or find somewhere else to live.

I've lived with girls whom i've fallen out with and it wasn't pretty. I was best friends with one before we moved in, now i can't see us ever speaking again. Such a shame but it made my life hell for a long time - don't do it unless you can make things up with her.

Reply 2

Emily069

God people are immature. You should just rise above it and move on from their friendships. Treat your house as a house instead of a home. Find some better friends who won't be so petty. Surely you still get on with the others?

And I find that most situations like this blow over after a month or so anyway. By the end of the summer she probably will have forgotten what you fell out over anyway.

You just have to think of this as a situation where you are going to be the adult. Good luck.

Reply 3

Comp_Genius

If she says she is going to be civil to you, I don't think she would do anything malicious to you next year. It appears even if she plays loud music, it's not a grudge against you but it's her stupid habit anywa.

Unfortunately people are people, meaning we're all biased, and take sides when we shouldn't.

As I always said, the perfect neighbour is one whom you've never had the pleasure of meeting.

Reply 4

Hana_87

Emily069

And I find that most situations like this blow over after a month or so anyway. By the end of the summer she probably will have forgotten what you fell out over anyway.

To be honest - i found the oppositte. I was the singled out one and all 3 of them turned on me, it was such a bad experience, my mistake was staying as long as i did and think 'it'll get better in time' - it never did. I wish i'd moved out as soon as it started but it just wasn't possible - if they're having problems BEFORE they've even moved in, i'd assume the problems will still be there once they live together.

Reply 5

Terry Acky

just nominate that badass, the public will see and kick her out.

Reply 6

voudreau

Stand your ground but avoid getting into arguments with her. Don't bitch about her to your friends - you are not a bitch so don't stoop to her level. Be polite and say "Hi" if she replies then good if not then its her loss. As for the music, I'm guessing it will anoy the other girl if its too loud so together I'm sure you can pressure her into keeping it down!

Reply 7

toddlers crossword

Any chance Katie could swop with Fran, so Katie's downstairs and away from you?

Reply 8

Sithius

She can't annoy you if she's dead.

Just sayin.

Reply 9

Dinendal Leralonde

Find the breaker to her room, if there is one. And make sure you have control over the router so you can restrict her Internet access :yep:

(BTW, there are people in the more techie part of the forums that would be more than willing to tell you how to use a router in such a way, if you're unsure)

Reply 10

JC.

You have leverage over her...
If she wont keep it down, you could "forget" to do the dishes :wink:

Either that, or just turn off the power @ the fuse box if she's being antisocial.

Reply 11

lauralollipop

Hey

Thanks for the advice so far :-) (Terry I wish I could! lol :-P)

I cant back out now, as I have no where to live, plus ive put my deposit down (this is before we fell out)

Im hoping the situation will just blow over, as she (Katie) had a problem with another guy Andy, who was going to move into the house with us, but she basically said he couldnt, and was acting all "civil" with him, and now all of a sudden they are best friends, I think she just has to have a problem with someone basically and that seems to be me at the moment.I know I need to be the adult, and i hope that I can go out and find some new friends (it just seems everyone seems to have made their little groups so that might be hard) because she is a bully and im glad ive realised that now, I just wish I had never agreed to the house and I just hope she doesnt make my life hell :-(

But thanks again for the advice :-) Ive heard the same thing from my family, but its just nice to hear it off someone whos kind of going through the same situation :-)

Reply 12

~ Purple Rose ~

PS Reviewer

It sounds like she really needs to grow up.
If she does try and annoy you by playing loud music, put headphones on/wear earplugs and if it doesn't seem to bother you she will soon get bored.

Reply 13

lauralollipop

and sorry for posting twice but just read the other posts

Lol about the router and being dead (might just think about doing one of them :wink:

..the router ofc lol)

Katie and Fran cant swap because Fran has trouble with her arms, so she cant walk up and down the stairs very well.

I agree with you voudreau, its just hard applying that attidue, but i guess its something ive got to do

thanks again everyone for the advice :-)

Reply 14

RightSaidJames

Just talk to her about it, saying that you want to be friends and you're willing to work out your differences. Do your best to solve the issues before giving up. If it doesn't work, make sure civil means civil.

Reply 15

RightSaidJames

~ Mandy

It sounds like she really needs to grow up.
If she ends try and annoy you by playing love music, put headphones on/wear earplugs and if it doesn't seem to bother you she will room get coped.

Did you write that on a phone with predictive text? xD

Reply 16

paddyman4

Just make it clear that it is your house as much as hers. If she plays loud music, call her on it straight away - 'could you turn your music down a bit please, it's pissing me off'. If she's bitchy to you don't get upset or taken aback, just show that you couldn't care less what she thinks about you or says to you (even if you do). In any confrontation stay completely calm and cold. If you find she has been bitching behind your back, confront her head on, with a casual 'hey, so you've been talking about me quite a lot recently, is there anything you want to say TO me?' Don't 'put up' with anything, as it will set a precedent and allow her to say 'it's never bothered you before' when there is an eventual confrontation.

As she is a clean freak, if she is annoying with her music and refuses to stop, just be dead messy for a while.

Reply 17

Footballfiend08

From experiance livng with a bad housemate can be disasterous, which is why sometimes its just best to be out the house. Either that or leave poo outside her room door, or if your really naughtly slide it under :biggrin:

Reply 18

BrinnyUnlimited

How exactly did you fall out? It seems quite a step to go from best friends to worst enemies.

I've fallen out with friends before but never to this extent. Did you murder her sister or something? Maybe it's just a girl thing.

Reply 19

Joseph90

This isn't going to be helpful but from a lot of female friends I know who have been at Uni, living in a female only house is a very bad idea.

This is going to be as helpful as I can possibly be, I recommend you try and make peace with Katie. If you can't, I guess you'll have to put up with each other.

Her refusing to talk to you is childish and shows she is clearly irresponsible of her own relationships. This is low so you can easily rise above it. The word 'civil' in that context is a very bitchy thing to say. Also, other people you know siding with an enemy is hurtful. I know that as it's happened to me before only hours after I've fallen out with a friend. You definitely have my sympathy.