Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Afraid to make a move?

Alright so, I'm a pretty normal 18 year old guy going to uni this year. I don't have any particularly exceptional circumstances / self-esteem / other psychological issues - I'm popular with mates, consider myself to be good with people, funny etc, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to make a move on girls.

If I meet someone new (a girl) I always end up talking to them and usually becoming decent friends with them, even if I do fancy them.

I don't know but I think, partially its because, if I meet someone attractive around my age, I tend to see myself as 'younger' than them (mentally, I'm quite mature though) or that they wouldn't consider me good enough to go out with?

Even just typing this now I know it sounds really pathetic, but its not 'me' in any other situation - I play gigs in a band, playing and singing in front of people, and like I say am pretty good with people, I don't freeze up or anything, its just in those situations I always assume they just wouldn't be interested even if there's some fairly obvious signs that they are

Advice?

Reply 1

mollymustard

I think this sounds pretty normal to be honest, most people are in this situation. If anything it seems like you are very social, friendly etc just that you arnt sure how to take it to the next level and move onto something more than friendship.
Perhaps you need to make it more clear what your intentions are when you are first getting to know someone. Try and cross that friendship/relationship boundary by asking them out for a coffee or something, then it will become more clear that you are intrested in them and you can work on it from there.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Cheers for the response

I see what you mean, and sort of agree with it but I still think that it affects me more than other people, or at least amongst the people I know!

Like, without being big-headed in anyway, I have mates who perhaps don't have as much going for them, but sort of 'oversell' themselves to girls and it seems to work.

On the other hand - I consider that I have quite a bit going for me but...just don't flaunt it as much. The main thing though is that I always assume I'm not 'worthy' in a sense so perhaps always settle for 'friends'. In my head I know that I'm probably wrong or whatever but....

that was a total mess of a sentence and, sorry if it came out big headed or anything I'm just trying to explain this as best I can!

Reply 3

tom_tom_tom

Agree with Molly in the fact that you are in no way in a minority. Im sure alot of people are feelings the same. I think in the teenage years quite alot of people have a few confidence issues, or if not a few hang ups.

Trying to get out of the negative way of thinking which you seem to be may be good, as if you look in a non subjective view, im sure you will find that most of the time some of your worries are unfounded. You dont know if anything can happen between you and a girl unless you try, going for i think may be the best thing to at least try. :smile: