Being Friends After Going Out

My ex from over a year ago, who I'd stayed friends with (his suggestion which I also wanted) last night told me things were too awquad between us and felt strange.

I've always thought it is actually possible to remain friends with a guy after going out with them, but I guess I was only basing this on the fact me and my best best male mate, went out, albeit it very very briefly (when we were like 16!) for like 2 weeks!

Anyway, this isn't really a thread for discussion about being friends with a guy.

I just wondered if anyone else has had the experience of having been friends with a guy for over a year after a relationship (we never even had sex, the furthest it went was seeing each other naked), then one person suddenly realising they couldn't anymore after all that time. He claims it's felt awquad arround me for months (we havn't actually seen each other in person for about 2 months, so I'm a bit confused but I guess it's probably a build up some time before that.

I just feel like I've been taken for a ride, I trusted him as a mate because that was the reason we ended it, it felt more like friends anyway and we never should have gone out.

Sorry for ramble, not really seeking advice as such, just wondering if anyone else has experience something similar or if he's playing a bit weird?

Reply 1

shinytoy

18

i personally dont think you can be friends. otherwise you would just end up getting back together. plus, you broke up for a reason. all my ex's cheated on me since i wasnt shagging them but wanted to marry them first, and often i would tell the girl they were shagging that they were cheating. so they arent speaking to me. the ones of my ex's i liked, i would only chat to in order to get back with. so no, i think after something heavy it is either love or hate, you cannot be friends

Reply 2

xXMessedUpXx

15

I think its 100% possible!

I was with my ex for nearly 3 years, we split up, and then met up a few times as friends. Became best mates.Then we lived together with my other housemates. I got a new bf and they get along great, and now well all live together!

I realise that makes me sound like some freaky hippy but its not as bad as it sounds!

As long as you are 100% over him, i think its possible to be friends :smile:

Or maybe i'm just an anomaly

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

That's the thing, we were the opposite kind of situation I reckon: We broke up because we realised we were more suited as friends, we were friends for a few months before and should never have taken it further. We've been friends as far as I was aware anyway for over a year (actually 17 months) since ending the relationship. I definitely don't fancy him and he definitely doesn't fancy me, I am sure of that, so there's no chance we would get back together.

Reply 4

twizzle

7

Anonymous

That's the thing, we were the opposite kind of situation I reckon: We broke up because we realised we were more suited as friends, we were friends for a few months before and should never have taken it further. We've been friends as far as I was aware anyway for over a year (actually 17 months) since ending the relationship. I definitely don't fancy him and he definitely doesn't fancy me, I am sure of that, so there's no chance we would get back together.

Well if he finds it awkward i'm guessing there ARE feelings there, maybe just from his side, residual or not, obviously all this time he's had this awkwardness at the back of his mind and has just hidden it from you. was it a bad break up? did he/you get very upset? etc this can all contribute.

Reply 5

Floofy

11

I always want to stay friends, but if it was a very messy and bloody break up its ALWAYS best to just leave it for some time - maybe even forever.

Reply 6

RoosterUK

9

I dunno, I think it would be difficult because there are bound to be feelings of some sort, either good or bad.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

twizzle

Well if he finds it awkward i'm guessing there ARE feelings there, maybe just from his side, residual or not, obviously all this time he's had this awkwardness at the back of his mind and has just hidden it from you. was it a bad break up? did he/you get very upset? etc this can all contribute.

I really don't think the feelings are there, he was the one who said he'd lost them first in the first place. But you never know I guess. It wasn't a bad break up. He did upset me in that he blew my confidence quite a bit, just cos he said he didn't fancy me anymore, another thing that makes me think the feelings arn't there. But I forgave him for that, it's nothing he can help and just shows we took it too quickly between being friends and deciding to go out in the first place, I think we should have taken our time more to establish if there really was a connection in the love sense or if we were just destined to be really good friends.

To me it just seems there's not all much to be awquad about, and seems a bit sudden (though you're right, he could have been hiding it all this time) but I guess all of us are different. It just doesn't make much sense to me...grr!

Reply 8

Reue

20

It is possible but likely very awkward. Ive tried to stay friends with a number of Exs but only 1 of them i think we've actually succeeded, mostly because we see eachother more like brother and sister now.

Alot depends on the breakup as well, if it was a mutual one then theres much more chance of remain friends. If it was a bad breakup or 1-sided then theres no real chance.

Reply 9

weet_ABI_x

11

When I started uni I was with someone from pretty much the second we met until the end of Christmas term, sleeping together and everything. It ended really badly and we hated each other for like two months. But now we're fab friends and next year I'm living in a flat with him and one other guy. So yeah, I'm a bit biased but I think it's possible.

Reply 10

mollymustard

14

I tend to think that after a break up people have completely different intentions as to what to do next. Usually there is one person who is not quite over the other, or one that has been left hurt by the whole incident and this can make it awkward.
If its a more mutal decision I think you can usually move on from it, but it will take time and change some elements of the friendship.

Reply 11

Melting Sugar.

14

Depends how long you went out and the reasons you split up!

My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend is actually both of our friends (she's a close friend of my own - sounds complicated and makes me sound like a bitch for dating my friend's ex but if you knew the situation you'd understand and know how it really can work :smile:

- it just REALLY DOES depend on the situation and the length of their relationship/the nature of their relationship) and although I found it slightly awkward at first neither him nor her saw it as a problem at all.

Reply 12

jesty

It doesnt work straight away IMO

Can work after some time. Me and one of my ex ex split last year and hardly saw each other for nearly a year (i was with someone else) and now we see each other we talk and get on really well. i can handle her going out with other blokes and it doesnt bother me at all which would have killed when we first split.

Reply 13

sugarjunkie001

you went out for over a year and you didnt have sex?

anyway...err i dunno. my ex still wants to be friends but every time we meet up he asks me if im with anyone else yet and gets really jealous if i mention a male friend...then after he leaves he always texts me saying he misses me etc etc. i dont think its working out for him tbh.

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

I'm in a similar situation and I'm also wondering about if we can remain friends. She really wants us to remain friends but she was the one who broke up with me whilst I really wanted the relationship to continue.

It's been a couple of months now yet I'm still not over her and I don't think I could be her friend. We were friends beforehand which is why it makes sense to become friends again but it just feels as though it would be too awkward especially considering it wasn't a mutual decision to break up.

Reply 15

twigletsandtea

my best friend is my ex.
but we were more like friends to begin with,friends who pulled.
we're pretty much the same with each other now.
except the pulling.

Reply 16

falls_whisper

14

I believe exs can be friends. that said I've never broke up with anyone and find it damn annoying and slightly unfair when my boyfriend mentions wanting to be friends with his ex (there's more reaons than just this).

Meh, I'd like to think if we ever broke up, we'd still be able to be best friends... eventually.

Reply 17

chipskylark

2

well i've had experience of it being awkward.

Reply 18

LissRules!!

11

Anonymous

I really don't think the feelings are there, he was the one who said he'd lost them first in the first place. But you never know I guess. It wasn't a bad break up. He did upset me in that he blew my confidence quite a bit, just cos he said he didn't fancy me anymore, another thing that makes me think the feelings arn't there. But I forgave him for that, it's nothing he can help and just shows we took it too quickly between being friends and deciding to go out in the first place, I think we should have taken our time more to establish if there really was a connection in the love sense or if we were just destined to be really good friends.

To me it just seems there's not all much to be awquad about, and seems a bit sudden (though you're right, he could have been hiding it all this time) but I guess all of us are different. It just doesn't make much sense to me...grr!

Has he got a new gf? I have an ex as a friend and hes gf has a problem with him talking to me GOD KNOWS WHY!! It was like 4 years ago. Maybe this is the case??

Reply 19

Gershom Girl

Speaking from experience, I think if you weren't in a serious relationship, then it's absolutely fine and it shouldn't affect you. However, if it's more serious then you should just talk to your ex and get his/her opinion on the situation. But being friends with my ex is probably the best thing we could have ever done. We were young and he did hurt me but it was for the best.

Being Friends After Going Out

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