Brother's being bullied at Uni
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Original post by py0alb
You're right, it should be half love squared times infinity.
No it should be half infinity squared.
Anyway.
Tell him to call the mandem
(edited 13 years ago)
The people doing this to him are pathetic. There is no justification for bullying, ever. These 'children' should obviously have grown out of it by now.
All those doing this are weak and obviously insecure about theirselves. Hope he confronts them and they realise how stupid they are being
All those doing this are weak and obviously insecure about theirselves. Hope he confronts them and they realise how stupid they are being
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by vms1993
Alright so my brother only just went off to uni this year and people are bullying him like mad.
My brother has a pretty eccentric character and yes he's different. He has mild asperger's so sometimes he finds it difficult to talk to people but he's really trying.
He's a really kind person and he's tried making friends but the people he's surrounded by are modern teenagers who just don't give a toss about his feelings. Technically my brother's at aviation school and he has exams in a few weeks so he's been working his butt off aaaannnd apparently he's been getting crap for working so hard for something he absolutely loves.
All over facebook they take photos and mock him. I heard him talking to my mum the other night about how one guy knocks on his door in the middle of the night everyday just to wake him up. Apparently pulling pranks and stealing his stuff are of the norm.
Could you give me any advice as his younger sister that I could possibly pass onto him? I'm really worried and I hate to see him this upset.
My brother has a pretty eccentric character and yes he's different. He has mild asperger's so sometimes he finds it difficult to talk to people but he's really trying.
He's a really kind person and he's tried making friends but the people he's surrounded by are modern teenagers who just don't give a toss about his feelings. Technically my brother's at aviation school and he has exams in a few weeks so he's been working his butt off aaaannnd apparently he's been getting crap for working so hard for something he absolutely loves.
All over facebook they take photos and mock him. I heard him talking to my mum the other night about how one guy knocks on his door in the middle of the night everyday just to wake him up. Apparently pulling pranks and stealing his stuff are of the norm.
Could you give me any advice as his younger sister that I could possibly pass onto him? I'm really worried and I hate to see him this upset.
I'm sorry about your brothers situation, I think it is wrong to bully but when somebody doesn't fully understand why they are the victim takes it one step further.
There are three things your brother can do, he can be patient and say nothing to the bullies. This will take time but eventually they will get bored, this isn't the best option. The other option is for your brother to stand up for himself, I don't recommend violence but in some circumstances it is the way to go.
If I was your brother I would go and report the activity. I presume where your brother is staying has some form of manager or landlord, it is his/her duty to ensure that residents are well behaved and that those sharing the flat treat each other with respect.
My heart just breaks.
It's just so unfair that stuff like this still happens at university.
Makes me feel like an idiot for getting upset about not having the perfect group of people to live with next year!
There will always be people to talk to at any university who can help. There's no stigma, because no one knows. Often it's best to talk to a student advisor, as they have a better feel for the situation. He probably has some information somewhere on who to talk to... If not, most universities have a Nightline number which may be able to put him in touch with the right person
x
It's just so unfair that stuff like this still happens at university.
Makes me feel like an idiot for getting upset about not having the perfect group of people to live with next year!
There will always be people to talk to at any university who can help. There's no stigma, because no one knows. Often it's best to talk to a student advisor, as they have a better feel for the situation. He probably has some information somewhere on who to talk to... If not, most universities have a Nightline number which may be able to put him in touch with the right person
x
As someone who's been on both sides of the bully/ied divide, I have to stress that there has to be a confrontation at some point, whether its from you or from someone else, and it has to be strong.
Personally, I just flipped one day and it stopped after that, but I wouldn't recommend doing what I did. It's hard releasing that much frustration in one go and things went too far.
When I was the bully, I didn't feel like I was doing anything bad, it was just harmless pranks, everyone else in the dorm did it and he made it easier because he didn't resist and generally acted like a doormat. However, I found out we had the same hobby and I stopped. I came to know him quite well afterwards
As someone said above, not everyone is a dickhead. I don't believe I am (I might have been a little then.) However, I feel sad that it went on for the length it did in both cases. I don't believe in enduring abuse like that is the right option. Otherwise people who aren't genuinely bad will carry on for longer until they mature, and some people who are ***** will simply not stop at all.
Personally, I just flipped one day and it stopped after that, but I wouldn't recommend doing what I did. It's hard releasing that much frustration in one go and things went too far.
When I was the bully, I didn't feel like I was doing anything bad, it was just harmless pranks, everyone else in the dorm did it and he made it easier because he didn't resist and generally acted like a doormat. However, I found out we had the same hobby and I stopped. I came to know him quite well afterwards
As someone said above, not everyone is a dickhead. I don't believe I am (I might have been a little then.) However, I feel sad that it went on for the length it did in both cases. I don't believe in enduring abuse like that is the right option. Otherwise people who aren't genuinely bad will carry on for longer until they mature, and some people who are ***** will simply not stop at all.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by TheSocialScientist
It's really not that easy, if your suggestion were to be mishandled, i.e. the OP's brother lacked firmness in his reaction, the situation could get much worse.
I'm sorry to say this but he needs to be helped from the outside, both being supported by close people and having the bullies ostracised, shouted at and publicly humiliated by the other students there. I hope it will happen.
I'm sorry to say this but he needs to be helped from the outside, both being supported by close people and having the bullies ostracised, shouted at and publicly humiliated by the other students there. I hope it will happen.
I get what your saying he has to do it correctly and support from others is needed but most of all he needs to gain a backbone I don't mean this in a cruel way. At school I was always the one sticking up for people but that meant that they were ok when I was around when I wasn't the bullies took the opportunity to attack them again. They have to start viewing him in a different way and he has to play a part in it. The sad thing is that many people don't have the guts to stand up for someone who is being bullied hopefully people will.
Original post by aprilterri
I get what your saying he has to do it correctly and support from others is needed but most of all he needs to gain a backbone I don't mean this in a cruel way. At school I was always the one sticking up for people but that meant that they were ok when I was around when I wasn't the bullies took the opportunity to attack them again. They have to start viewing him in a different way and he has to play a part in it. The sad thing is that many people don't have the guts to stand up for someone who is being bullied hopefully people will.
What you say is just the RIGHT thing. Unfortunately in this case, as often, the right thing is the most unlikely to happen.
But honestly, if the guy punched one of those guys in the stomach they'd quickly cease abusing him. But since he probably won't, then he needs help.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by ucasisannoying
show us the facebook pictures lol
That's a really insensitive, immature and just callous response.
OP, I really feel for you and your brother
It's obvious you really care about him, he's lucky to have a sister that wants to look out for him. I really hope this situation gets resolved. Good luck.Original post by Kodias
What a group of lowlifes. There's a simple answer to your brothers problem though.
Just get the Big Man on the job.
Just get the Big Man on the job.
Pardon me, who is this man? He looks like a maniac Cockney.
Original post by TheSocialScientist
What you say is just the RIGHT thing. Unfortunately in this case, as often, the right thing is the most unlikely to happen.
But honestly, if the guy punched one of those guys in the stomach they'd quickly cease abusing him. But since he probably won't, then he needs help.
But honestly, if the guy punched one of those guys in the stomach they'd quickly cease abusing him. But since he probably won't, then he needs help.
i agree
I know I'll get negged for this. Eh.
We suspect that one of the boys in our flat has mild aspergers, although we've never been informed. I've got to say, from someone else's perspective, it's really quite difficult to be placed in a situation where you are with someone with aspergers alot when you have no experience of it. I would never bully anyone, completely not in my nature and I think it's foul, but you've got to appreciate how it is impossible to tolerate someone who is so eccentric and gah the words wont come out properly. The boy I live with will not leave me alone, and will not stop talking to me if I'm in the kitchen. I try my best not to be snappish and rude, but sometmes I cannot help myself. It must be horrible for the guy, but you have got to see from other people's point of view. Maybe to them he is annoying and rude, and they do not realise why. We understand that our flatmate is different, others dont, and others see him as 'weird'. I know it's no excuse for bullying, but do these bullies know anything of his asperger's?
Also, pulling pranks is the norm in halls. It really really is.
I know this post sounds horrible and not totally coherent, but maybe by talking to and educating the bullies it may stop?
We suspect that one of the boys in our flat has mild aspergers, although we've never been informed. I've got to say, from someone else's perspective, it's really quite difficult to be placed in a situation where you are with someone with aspergers alot when you have no experience of it. I would never bully anyone, completely not in my nature and I think it's foul, but you've got to appreciate how it is impossible to tolerate someone who is so eccentric and gah the words wont come out properly. The boy I live with will not leave me alone, and will not stop talking to me if I'm in the kitchen. I try my best not to be snappish and rude, but sometmes I cannot help myself. It must be horrible for the guy, but you have got to see from other people's point of view. Maybe to them he is annoying and rude, and they do not realise why. We understand that our flatmate is different, others dont, and others see him as 'weird'. I know it's no excuse for bullying, but do these bullies know anything of his asperger's?
Also, pulling pranks is the norm in halls. It really really is.
I know this post sounds horrible and not totally coherent, but maybe by talking to and educating the bullies it may stop?
Original post by TheSocialScientist
Pardon me, who is this man? He looks like a maniac Cockney.
Who is he? Who is he!?
See below. Watch until end.
Iam not excusing the bullies,they are vermin, but surely someone as vunerable as him,the university authorities should not have placed him in such accomodation?. I know there is all this emphasis on inclusion and equal rights for disabled people, but in reality unless the university authorities have the resources to keep a close eye on the situation ,then this kind of thing will happen.
I imagine it's well meaning but flawed unless the person with the disability is lucky. I also think ,although I might be wrong,they probably wouldn't bully him if his disability was physical rather than mental. As his disability is hidden I imagine especially to people as ignorant as the bullies. As the girl above me mentioned, placing someone with these issue can cause stress for others as well, but again he certainly should not be bullied and just reflects really how flawed this policy is. But universities are run by lentil munchers who are blinded to the fact there are some really nasty pieces of work out there who enjoy picking on people and won't give two ****s if someone has a problem and in fact it will encourage them.Or that a persons behaviour who has special needs can cause tension in such a close knit environment, and single them out.
I'd imagine the university would take the bullying on a person with special needs very seriously,but I can't be certain of it. ,as I had an issue while at uni,I wasn't bullied but someone caused problems for everyone else on a corridor on halls, and it took months for them to take action and kick him out. I wouldn't rely on them and the brutal truth is, if he wants this to end he needs to either stand up for himself or someone needs to do it. Violence might need to be used as words might not be enough. If it was my family member I would be paying a visit . Because in my experience of being bullied in school the only thing that stopped it was me beating someone up.
I really think bullying needs to be taken much more seriously, and even made a criminal offence because it causes such damage.
I imagine it's well meaning but flawed unless the person with the disability is lucky. I also think ,although I might be wrong,they probably wouldn't bully him if his disability was physical rather than mental. As his disability is hidden I imagine especially to people as ignorant as the bullies. As the girl above me mentioned, placing someone with these issue can cause stress for others as well, but again he certainly should not be bullied and just reflects really how flawed this policy is. But universities are run by lentil munchers who are blinded to the fact there are some really nasty pieces of work out there who enjoy picking on people and won't give two ****s if someone has a problem and in fact it will encourage them.Or that a persons behaviour who has special needs can cause tension in such a close knit environment, and single them out.
I'd imagine the university would take the bullying on a person with special needs very seriously,but I can't be certain of it. ,as I had an issue while at uni,I wasn't bullied but someone caused problems for everyone else on a corridor on halls, and it took months for them to take action and kick him out. I wouldn't rely on them and the brutal truth is, if he wants this to end he needs to either stand up for himself or someone needs to do it. Violence might need to be used as words might not be enough. If it was my family member I would be paying a visit . Because in my experience of being bullied in school the only thing that stopped it was me beating someone up.
I really think bullying needs to be taken much more seriously, and even made a criminal offence because it causes such damage.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
some stupid advice on this thread
if he confronts them, they will either laugh thinking its hilarious, if hes the kinda guy the think they can walk over he isnt going to be able to act threatening,if he punches them, chances are hell get punched back
in reality the best advice is to either record the incidents like someone said and if it continues then report it
or if he keeps himself to himself it will go away, there was someone with aspergers in my accomodation, the reason he was bullied was because he was just a weirdo, didnt realise he wasnt welcome so followed people around and just spoke about pc games, then when drunk he was hilarious
he seemed to realise and now keeps to himself a bit more goign out with people on his course occasionally, and the bullying has stopped
if he confronts them, they will either laugh thinking its hilarious, if hes the kinda guy the think they can walk over he isnt going to be able to act threatening,if he punches them, chances are hell get punched back
in reality the best advice is to either record the incidents like someone said and if it continues then report it
or if he keeps himself to himself it will go away, there was someone with aspergers in my accomodation, the reason he was bullied was because he was just a weirdo, didnt realise he wasnt welcome so followed people around and just spoke about pc games, then when drunk he was hilarious
he seemed to realise and now keeps to himself a bit more goign out with people on his course occasionally, and the bullying has stopped
You are the definition of a complete f****** c***. So, your saying that because somebody perhaps behaves a bit differently, they should be miserable and not socialise, because you can't cope with them being different. Why should he have to keep himself to himself, he has as much right to go out and talk to people as you you arse hole.
Unreal how angry that made me. Cannot believe there are people out there like you...
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