My boyfriend wants 'the snip'

I had always imagined children being in my future, but found out today that my boyfriend has been wanting to get the snip since he was about 15. I know he wasn't keen on the idea of children but this has shocked me quite a bit.
We have been discussing living with each other after uni, and although I hadn't thought of babies being any time soon, I think this might have thrown a spanner in the works.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

Reply 1

NS17

15

You want kids, he doesn't. This has only one logical outcome. Don't waste each others time, if you can put aside your desire to have children then by all means keep a good thing going. Otherwise find someone who shares your desire you have a family.

Reply 2

Cicerao

14

Consider whether you imagined children because you want children or because you just imagined it, because it's "what people do."

If you want children, and he doesn't, there's little that can be done. Sure, he might "change his mind", thanks for that insight 9000 commenters below me, but there is every chance he won't.

This is one of those issues you have to match on. Otherwise only expect heartbreak, or potentially even resentment.

Reply 3

Casshern1456

18

Why does he want to do that he might change his mind in the future. Besides if he doesn't want kids he doesn't have to go through this.
I say have a talk with him.

Reply 4

Spinnerette

16

Well you won't be able to change his mind on the matter. If you want kids then he is not the one for you.

Reply 5

joey11223

20

Although I can't see myself wanting children now, I'd never get an irreversible operation like that done, he has no idea how his feelings could change in the next 20 years. If he really is set on it then obviously as hard as it is you'd have to think about whether the relationship will work into the future. However if male sterilisation is anything like female, he may have trouble getting his wish, in that such procedures are not done lightly and even women who have had multiple children and are in their forties can find it a difficult task to get the female equivalent approved.

Reply 6

headphones

4

Having kids is overrated. Snip it off i say.

Reply 7

Cicerao

14

Original post by headphones

Having kids is overrated. Snip it off i say.

I wouldn't go that far... :mmm:

Reply 8

Anoodles

6

Well as you said - this is a long way off for you right now - he may change his mind about having children...and I think (depending if it's knotted or cut...think that's right anyway) it can be reversed...

Reply 9

username196545

19

I think most doctors would refuse to do it on a man who's young and has no children, anyway.

Reply 10

Guy Secretan

18

well saying it can be reversed is a silly thing to say. If he's that against children then maybe he is not for you.

Reply 11

trooper6

6

Original post by Raindrop87

I had always imagined children being in my future, but found out today that my boyfriend has been wanting to get the snip since he was about 15. I know he wasn't keen on the idea of children but this has shocked me quite a bit.
We have been discussing living with each other after uni, and although I hadn't thought of babies being any time soon, I think this might have thrown a spanner in the works.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

A vasectomy is considered to be 100% effective means of birth control while eliminating the need for the woman to take birth control (which is not 100% effective). Women forget to take pills, worry about weight gain etc.

Contrary to popular belief vasectomy reversal is performed quite often in the US. It is rather expensive (think 7-10k USD) and is generally not covered by health services or insurance.

There are procedures such as surgical sperm retrieval that can allow the couple to both be parents should reversal not work.

http://www.epigee.org/guide/vasectomy_reversal.html

Reply 12

Cicerao

14

Original post by trooper6

A vasectomy is considered to be 100% effective means of birth control while eliminating the need for the woman to take birth control (which is not 100% effective). Women forget to take pills, worry about weight gain etc.

No, it isn't.

Reply 13

Makubex

to me it seems like you are more mature than your bf

Reply 14

trooper6

6

Original post by Cicerao

No, it isn't.

It is if you follow post op procedures such as;

http://www.ehow.com/how_5516636_vasectomy-failed.html

Reply 15

Aspiringlawstudent

3

Don't waste his time or yours if you want children and he doesn't.

It would be unfair for him to expect you to compromise, but just as unfair for you to expect him to compromise.

Reply 16

blue_shift86

simple...try gently talk him into the idea of kids and all that and if he still doesn't come around to the idea say that you have to leave him because you want kids...i don't have much people skills but if i were a girl and i wanted kids, i'd do something like this and stop wasting both mine and his time and move on... :smile:

best of luck! That's a tough one!

Reply 17

Yawn11

20

Your relationship has an expiry date.

Reply 18

pl,okmijn

Original post by NS17

You want kids, he doesn't. This has only one logical outcome. Don't waste each others time, if you can put aside your desire to have children then by all means keep a good thing going. Otherwise find someone who shares your desire you have a family.

Said it all really, no point in the the rest of this thread.

Reply 19

Cicerao

14

Original post by trooper6

It is if you follow post op procedures such as;

http://www.ehow.com/how_5516636_vasectomy-failed.html

No, it's not! Did you even read the page?!

"Pregnancy resulting from a monogamous relationship after the male has been tested and declared sterile by a qualified urologist indicates a failed vasectomy."

After the male has been tested and declared sterile. How is this 100%? The only 100% method of contraception is abstinence.

(You should know that .99 does not mean 100%, which would mean PERFECT. You only need a brief glance round Google to see many stories of recanalisation affecting people.)

(edited 13 years ago)

My boyfriend wants 'the snip'

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