help! shy, anxious and introverted guy starting uni in student accommodation!
In september I'm starting uni in liverpool and I'll be staying in student accommodation in flats. but i'm really really starting to wonder if I've done the right thing. (I've got my grades and on a gap year btw)I've been offered my accommodation but I am panicking over whether or not I should accept it or even go at all.
The problem is I'm incredibly shy. Beyond just being shy, it's a situation where I have no friends AT ALL and sturggle to make conversations with more than one person at a time. If it's a group, I just can't really speak. It feels as if my words won't come out well or clear, will be very mumbled and too quiet and I'd rather spare myself the embarassment. I also feel very anxious when around people socialising , when I am for example stuck in a small space, I feel as if everyone can see my feelings and anxiety being broadcasted and it's genuinely an awful feeling to be seen as so timid and weak.
In general this has been the case for many years, having no friends and desperately wanting some and a social life. However just over a year ago all that changed and I actually decided that I didn't want a social life. i just wanted to be alone all the time, and felt as if socialising was just stressful in itself, even if the anxiety were to go completely. since I started to think like that I have still been like that since . I think what made me like this was when I challenged myself too hard and just lost energy and motivation, i dunno.
So I'm at uni in september in halls. How do I actually cope?! I mean, I don't feel comfortable dancing or going to clubs and it just feels like a living hell and even if I had no anxiety, it feels like the anti-social side would put me off too. I don't particularly want to sit around and feel as if I have to socialise with people in my flats,at least not for hours on end. If I need something from the kitchen then I wouldn't have a problem talking (or I'd try my best) but apart from that I don't really want to befriend anyone! but if people are nagging me too go places or join them how can i sort of get the message across that I don't actually have anything against them personally, I just don't want to socialise! I just wanna be on my own!
Also been reading a few other posts here about loud music blasting out till 3 in the morning on a week day. Sounds like hell! is there anyway you can make a complaint about this and get the property managers to stop them? I must sound like a complete bore I guess I am but if I'm paying so much I should have the right to at least not be disturbed so early in the morning when sleeping! Btw I'll accept there'll be noise on Friday and Sat, I know I'd have to just cope with that.
so preferably if anyone has been to student accommodation in flats and experienced it, what do you reckon?
thanks
The problem is I'm incredibly shy. Beyond just being shy, it's a situation where I have no friends AT ALL and sturggle to make conversations with more than one person at a time. If it's a group, I just can't really speak. It feels as if my words won't come out well or clear, will be very mumbled and too quiet and I'd rather spare myself the embarassment. I also feel very anxious when around people socialising , when I am for example stuck in a small space, I feel as if everyone can see my feelings and anxiety being broadcasted and it's genuinely an awful feeling to be seen as so timid and weak.
In general this has been the case for many years, having no friends and desperately wanting some and a social life. However just over a year ago all that changed and I actually decided that I didn't want a social life. i just wanted to be alone all the time, and felt as if socialising was just stressful in itself, even if the anxiety were to go completely. since I started to think like that I have still been like that since . I think what made me like this was when I challenged myself too hard and just lost energy and motivation, i dunno.
So I'm at uni in september in halls. How do I actually cope?! I mean, I don't feel comfortable dancing or going to clubs and it just feels like a living hell and even if I had no anxiety, it feels like the anti-social side would put me off too. I don't particularly want to sit around and feel as if I have to socialise with people in my flats,at least not for hours on end. If I need something from the kitchen then I wouldn't have a problem talking (or I'd try my best) but apart from that I don't really want to befriend anyone! but if people are nagging me too go places or join them how can i sort of get the message across that I don't actually have anything against them personally, I just don't want to socialise! I just wanna be on my own!
Also been reading a few other posts here about loud music blasting out till 3 in the morning on a week day. Sounds like hell! is there anyway you can make a complaint about this and get the property managers to stop them? I must sound like a complete bore I guess I am but if I'm paying so much I should have the right to at least not be disturbed so early in the morning when sleeping! Btw I'll accept there'll be noise on Friday and Sat, I know I'd have to just cope with that.
so preferably if anyone has been to student accommodation in flats and experienced it, what do you reckon?
thanks
I can't think of a nice way to put this so I'll just say it. If you lack the confidence and ability to make even basic social interactions, you will get nowhere in life, not just university, but in job interviews, work situations, finding a partner, making contacts, etc.
If it's any consolation, uni is a new start - you won't know anyone and they won't know you, so you don't have to worry about people have pre-determined views. Make a good impression, fake confidence, whatever.
If it's any consolation, uni is a new start - you won't know anyone and they won't know you, so you don't have to worry about people have pre-determined views. Make a good impression, fake confidence, whatever.
Original post by ChazSingh
The answer is simple: Vodka.
not very good at holding down booze! 7 pints is the most I've had in one night and I couldn't touch any beer for almost 4 months without feeling sick!
Man the **** up.
P.s. I didn't go in to student accomodation last year an had to drop out because I just found it really tough to make friends. I should have taken my advice but I was blind. Just man up and swallow your pride. student accompdation will be the best decision you have ever made! ( though I have heard liverpools is pretty gypo!)
P.s. I didn't go in to student accomodation last year an had to drop out because I just found it really tough to make friends. I should have taken my advice but I was blind. Just man up and swallow your pride. student accompdation will be the best decision you have ever made! ( though I have heard liverpools is pretty gypo!)
Original post by Jeester
Man the **** up.
P.s. I didn't go in to student accomodation last year an had to drop out because I just found it really tough to make friends. I should have taken my advice but I was blind. Just man up and swallow your pride. student accompdation will be the best decision you have ever made! ( though I have heard liverpools is pretty gypo!)
P.s. I didn't go in to student accomodation last year an had to drop out because I just found it really tough to make friends. I should have taken my advice but I was blind. Just man up and swallow your pride. student accompdation will be the best decision you have ever made! ( though I have heard liverpools is pretty gypo!)
bit harsh tbh I don't think it can be helped. he won't just change overnight! People have all sorts of complex psychological issues and I think he's got social anxiety disorder. it's really no different to being bi-polar or having depression to be honest it's just not taken as seriously by society.
I was in EXACTLY the same postion as you mate and even worse as i'd had no contact with anybody for a whole year i just stayed in my house for all that time.
One thing i did was to tell myself that i'm in a new place, nobody knows me so just go for it. Everyone will be in the same boat so it's fine. Booze helps a LOT. I had a pint of Apple Sourz and had the best time of my life!
I also met this great girl and we were pretty much ****ing on the dancefloor. I did things that night i could never have imagined doing.
Just go for it mate and try and get there early so that you can get used to it and familiarise yourself with the place.
Go out with ur flatmates and just drink and don't be scared to talk to people even if its just to say hi
One thing i did was to tell myself that i'm in a new place, nobody knows me so just go for it. Everyone will be in the same boat so it's fine. Booze helps a LOT. I had a pint of Apple Sourz and had the best time of my life!
I also met this great girl and we were pretty much ****ing on the dancefloor. I did things that night i could never have imagined doing.
Just go for it mate and try and get there early so that you can get used to it and familiarise yourself with the place.
Go out with ur flatmates and just drink and don't be scared to talk to people even if its just to say hi
My brothers a bit like you, I haven't gone to uni yet but I know when talking to people even if your shy try to look like you interested in what they have to say. Work on your posture, make it appear confident not antisocial. This does make a difference, you'll be more approachable and confident if you know how to do this even if your not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqSBmHAR-Sc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dut0Wwcj-o&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COXcQ2N4USU&feature=related
You can look others up, but I thought these three were good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqSBmHAR-Sc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dut0Wwcj-o&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COXcQ2N4USU&feature=related
You can look others up, but I thought these three were good.
Original post by ManaX
My brothers a bit like you, I haven't gone to uni yet but I know when talking to people even if your shy try to look like you interested in what they have to say. Work on your posture, make it appear confident not antisocial. This does make a difference, you'll be more approachable and confident if you know how to do this even if your not.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqSBmHAR-Sc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dut0Wwcj-o&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COXcQ2N4USU&feature=related
You can look others up, but I thought these three were good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqSBmHAR-Sc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dut0Wwcj-o&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COXcQ2N4USU&feature=related
You can look others up, but I thought these three were good.
cheers for the links
Original post by Anonymous
bit harsh tbh I don't think it can be helped. he won't just change overnight! People have all sorts of complex psychological issues and I think he's got social anxiety disorder. it's really no different to being bi-polar or having depression to be honest it's just not taken as seriously by society.
Thanks, you are so right I can't help it at all. It's easier to lose 20 stone than completely change yor pesronality
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Not used to people flirting with me
- How do I make connections during UNI?
- scared i wont make friends
- Flatmate being really isolated/creepy
- Family don’t like my gf what to do
- How do I make friends at Uni?
- Should i move out for uni
- Making friends at uni
- No friends first term in uni
- I regret the accommodation I chose for LSE
- Freshers party, should I go?
- How do I make friends at uni?
- Struggling with university
- How do I recover from this?
- How to meet guys when your subject has none in at all?
- I hate my dream uni
- Girls, would this type of guy be considered unattractive?
- Anxious about restarting uni
- My teacher ignores me
- Struggling with Loneliness and Social Anxiety at Uni
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
