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I hate myself.

How can I stop this? I'm not a very confident guy, obviously, and I absolutely despise how I can never pull up the confidence to actually approach women. In clubs, even when I'm drunk, I find it hard to approach anyone and dance with them which ultimately ends up with me being lonely for the night. I met the girl of my dreams online and after talking to her for a month or so, was too scared to meet her in real life for fear of her hating me and losing someone I enjoyed talking to. I still talk to her but now she has a BF and not meeting her is currently the biggest regret of my life... I know girls like confidence but I just can't do it. I view myself as a failure, no matter what I achieve because there is always someone better.

I'm sick of being single, I'm sick of not being able to approach girls but most of all, I'm sick of just not having the confidence in myself to take advantage of situations when they present themselves and all these things just end up combining to make me hate myself even more, creating a never ending circle of self-loathing.

I should mention too, I don't think "Just try being confident for a day" comments are very helpful. While being confident is solely based on your personality and how you perceive the world, it's not as easy as just 'becoming confident'. Take for example someone who isn't funny, you wouldn't just say to them "Try being funny for a day". Even though being funny is a personality trait and how funny you are, is entirely based upon yourself, does not mean you can instantaneously switch from being unfunny to funny.

Anyway, help and advice is much appreciated. Thanks

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Reply 1

jumpingjesusholycow

Oh god...you're one of those guys who feels it's his entitled right to have girls just approach him.

:facepalm:

Reply 2

turn and fall

Confidence without skill is an act.

People who say just be confident are not very helpful. Build up some skills and the confidence will flow. The skills are things like being fit, dressing well, direct eye contact ect

Little things are additive.

Reply 3

BigDirty

Fake the confidence until it comes naturally. That's what I done. Noone in clubs known that your not confident, so just fake it :smile:

Reply 4

dipless

Do things that make you feel good then confidence should flow from that

Reply 5

Doyle&TheFourFathers

love yourself before you love others

Reply 6

Refrigerator

you need to learn to stop giving a **** about what people think of you (within reason) and to realise that people don't judge you anywhere near as much as you think they do, and even if they do think you're a bit weird they're likely to forget about you the next day unless you make an impression

Reply 7

Alexisonfire

Man up ffs.
Go to the gym.

Reply 8

mynameisq

Buy a chimpanzee and use it as your wingman/loveable sidekick

Reply 9

insignificant

You need to stop going out with the aim of trying to get girls. If it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt.

Reply 10

Liverpool's Number 9

If you hate yourself you have the answer. There are very few people out there that will love someone that hates themselves because they make it too hard.

Improve your life in whatever way you can, feel good about yourself maybe even by making others feel better about themselves and you'll find a more natural confidence in being comfortable in who you are.

Reply 11

dipless

Original post by insignificant

You need to stop going out with the aim of trying to get girls. If it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt.

This

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

I hate myslef too, and I'm a girl.

Reply 13

thurin

Original post by BigDirty

Fake the confidence until it comes naturally. That's what I done. Noone in clubs known that your not confident, so just fake it :smile:

Faking confidence takes confidence.

Edit: Cheers for the neg rep BigD.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 14

dipless

why so much hate :lovehug:

let's share some love people :tongue:

Reply 15

H.JJJ

Quit giving a ****? Just take life one day at a time... You can't always be negative minded all the time...

edit: OK I actually read all of your post

Man up. You're thinking way too much. Learn to just go with it all.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 16

itsamemario666

You should try some chatup lines. One that works well for me is:

"Excuse me, my friends and I are having a bet. Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?" :colone:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 17

dipless

Original post by itsamemario666

You should try some chatup lines. One that works well for me is:

"Excuse me, my friends and I are having a bet. Would you mind telling me what this cloth smells like to you? Yes, that's right... it is chloroform!" :colone:

You'll have to let me know what your success rate is with this... As so far I have had a 100% :run:

rate

Reply 18

Rhiannon7666

I wouldn't worry to much :smile:

because there's alot of people out there that feel the same way, what you got to remember is that there's alot of girls out there that like guys that are sensitive and with no confidence.

Don't try and rush to get into a relationship becuase without a doubt, they would be the wrong person to be with, so let nature take its course. You'll will find the right person and be happy soon.
If you feel really bad about the way yours body looks then why don't you go to a gym or just a different look, trust me it will help. :biggrin: