If you dont believe in sex before marriage - is there any point in dating....

....before you are ready to marry???

I mean its all good and honorable saying you dont want to until you are married. but then if you KNOW you want to finish school, go uni, get a decent job with stable income, own a car, afford a wedding and honeymoon (circa £9000 at least), and have enough money to get your own place for you and your wife (mortgage = £20,000 deposit) and support any accidental children once you are married then this puts the age of marriage at around 30.

i mean most of you with those beliefs arent gonna be cool with getting married in your moms front lounge with a honeymoon in Southend on Sea paid for out your student loan. you prob arent gonna be cool with taking your wife to live in your moms house, or claiming incorm support to raise kids.

so if you arent ready for these things then why are you dating at all? surely the purpose of dating, if you want to avoid sex before marriage is to find a husband/wife?

but i meet alot of guys and girls who are age 11 - 21 who dont want sex before marriage, wear purity rings etc but date alot and have lots of boyfriends but say 'oh, i dont want to get married until im at least 30'. do they really think they can have a chaste relationship for 10-20+ years?

i have these beliefs, and want a small but decent wedding, a stable professional job, and enough money to afford a place together. im 25 and going to be at that stage when im about 26 - 27. So im going to start dating seriously soon.

but i've met a guy who shares my beliefs regarding sex before marriage and is 27 BUT totally broke, still lives with mom and pop and is still a student (he did alot of qualifications and lived with family abroad for a while dossing etc). he's been dating etc since he was 17 because even though he wasnt ready to get married, 'in his heart he was ready to be married' and St Paul said it is better to marry in haste than burn with passion etc. this sounds like rubbish to me.

should i tell him to come back in 5 years when he has a job and is ready to marry? and am i alone in thinking if you have these beliefs you should only date to find a spouse?

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 1

cambio wechsel

20

Spending time with each other in a sexless relationship would seem the ideal dry-run for marriage. And the term dry is here chosen choosingly.

I've been married twice, since you didn't ask.

Reply 2

shinytoy

OP

18

Original post by cambio wechsel

Spending time with each other in a sexless relationship would seem the ideal dry-run for marriage. And the term dry is here chosen choosingly.

I've been married twice, since you didn't ask.

oh im sorry to hear that.

i tend to agree with you - it is highly unnatural to suppress your urges for long periods of time. couples who have these beliefs but still share a bed or live together without doing stuff....i thnk their marriage woudl be dry and boring. but if you cant keep your hands off i think it is good to marry in a short period of time and not suppress your urges.

Reply 3

Jelena87

i think it's good to **** off that ****ing beliefs and date someone and **** a lot!

Reply 4

hippieglitter

19

Tbh I think you need to look around and go on few dates before you can set out a realistic list of criteria for husband material. Too many people don't want to date too early and then when they decide they do they can't find the man they want because they are too picky or specific and he doesn't exist. You don't have to get intimate with every guy that comes along, hang out, get to know them, have a bit of fun, if a guy dumps you cos you won't have sex, you know he's not the right one, someday someone who respects your belief and is happy to wait will arrive.

Reply 5

Miu-Miu

8

Original post by Jelena87

i think it's good to **** off that ****ing beliefs and date someone and **** a lot!

This does not make sense

Reply 6

awais590

12

Lol, dating/having a partner without the intention of sex is completely normal.. having a relationship before marriage doesn't mean sex.
it's about companionship and love.

oh i'm so soppy :tongue:

Reply 7

username652226

13

I believe in no sex before marrige because I'm a muslim, and it's seen as a huge problem by my boyfriend because sex is really important to him.

I think that most guys are like that, I think it would be really difficult to find a guy that would be okay with not sleeping together.

Reply 8

username652226

13

Original post by awais590

Lol, dating/having a partner without the intention of sex is completely normal.. having a relationship before marriage doesn't mean sex.
it's about companionship and love.

oh i'm so soppy :tongue:

This.

Reply 9

shinytoy

OP

18

Original post by hippieglitter

Tbh I think you need to look around and go on few dates before you can set out a realistic list of criteria for husband material. Too many people don't want to date too early and then when they decide they do they can't find the man they want because they are too picky or specific and he doesn't exist. You don't have to get intimate with every guy that comes along, hang out, get to know them, have a bit of fun, if a guy dumps you cos you won't have sex, you know he's not the right one, someday someone who respects your belief and is happy to wait will arrive.

oh no, i totally agree that you should get to know someone etc. but if they are broke, still in school or adamantly not wanting to marry until they are 30 then i think that excludes them from the potential marriage partner pool . i mean with these beliefs, i think you should only date someone with a view to finding a spouse, and for not longer than 18 months until wedding to avoid falling into sin OR suppressing your urges for so long you end up like brother and sister.

Original post by awais590

Lol, dating/having a partner without the intention of sex is completely normal.. having a relationship before marriage doesn't mean sex.
it's about companionship and love.

oh i'm so soppy :tongue:

thats true but if you date someone in love but without sex for say 5+ years surely that will end up more like a family relationship ratehr than a spouse relationship and you might not want to shag them when you do marry

Reply 10

Lamptastic

14

Dating isn't all about sex, though I do like to try before I buy.

:sexface:

EDIT: Though although you don't expect to get married anytime soon (or partake in sexual relations until then) there's nothing wrong with trying out your emotions and being more wise with love and what that means.

I do think my past experiences have taught me quite a bit about men and companionship. I've made mistakes and I'm glad I've made them as it's made me more likely to choose a more suitable man in the future who I'm compatible with.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 11

shinytoy

OP

18

Original post by merryhappy

I believe in no sex before marrige because I'm a muslim, and it's seen as a huge problem by my boyfriend because sex is really important to him.

I think that most guys are like that, I think it would be really difficult to find a guy that would be okay with not sleeping together.

did you even read my OP? if you were still at school and totally broke OR your bf didnt want to marry until he was 45, whats the point in dating celibately for many years?

Reply 12

Pink Bullets

15

Surely dating from an earlier age simply expands your options? If you want to get married at 28 and you start dating at 26, you have only two years to find your perfect husband. More likely than not, you're going to end up settling. What if you had happened to cross paths with "the one" when you were 23? I'd think it'd be better to date them until you were ready to get married instead of losing out on the opportunity with that person (which you'll probably never have again). :s-smilie:

Reply 13

consumed by stuff

9

Original post by merryhappy

I believe in no sex before marrige because I'm a muslim, and it's seen as a huge problem by my boyfriend because sex is really important to him.

I think that most guys are like that, I think it would be really difficult to find a guy that would be okay with not sleeping together.

why not try a muslim. works in theory.

Reply 14

CoffeAddict

9

never knew that one can believe in sex before marriage ...

I thought it's something you do or not.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 15

hippieglitter

19

Original post by shinytoy

oh no, i totally agree that you should get to know someone etc. but if they are broke, still in school or adamantly not wanting to marry until they are 30 then i think that excludes them from the potential marriage partner pool . i mean with these beliefs, i think you should only date someone with a view to finding a spouse, and for not longer than 18 months until wedding to avoid falling into sin OR suppressing your urges for so long you end up like brother and sister.

thats true but if you date someone in love but without sex for say 5+ years surely that will end up more like a family relationship ratehr than a spouse relationship and you might not want to shag them when you do marry

I would not marry someone after 18 months of dating. If your beliefs are that important to you, you should be able to control your urges enough to be able to date without getting intimate for as long as you wish. If you main aim in dating is to find a husband/wife then you take all the fun out of it and your mind will be dominated by the thought 'is this my future spouse?' There is no fun whatsoever in that. When I got with my boyfriend I wasn't looking for husband, now after 5 years I know he is the right person but I would not have been so sure after only 18 months. In fact after 18 months we broke up, we got back together in the same week, but the fact is we lost the strength in our relationship, everyone has little rocky patch its a part of the process and I definitely think 18 months is much to early to consider something so important and binding as marriage.

Reply 16

shinytoy

OP

18

Original post by hippieglitter

I would not marry someone after 18 months of dating. If your beliefs are that important to you, you should be able to control your urges enough to be able to date without getting intimate for as long as you wish. If you main aim in dating is to find a husband/wife then you take all the fun out of it and your mind will be dominated by the thought 'is this my future spouse?' There is no fun whatsoever in that. When I got with my boyfriend I wasn't looking for husband, now after 5 years I know he is the right person but I would not have been so sure after only 18 months. In fact after 18 months we broke up, we got back together in the same week, but the fact is we lost the strength in our relationship, everyone has little rocky patch its a part of the process and I definitely think 18 months is much to early to consider something so important and binding as marriage.

yeah but you guys are having the nasty right? if you were celibate theres no way you would date for 5 years and not Do It. and even if you managed it, it wouldnt be healthy

Reply 17

shinytoy

OP

18

Original post by Pink Bullets

Surely dating from an earlier age simply expands your options? If you want to get married at 28 and you start dating at 26, you have only two years to find your perfect husband. More likely than not, you're going to end up settling. What if you had happened to cross paths with "the one" when you were 23? I'd think it'd be better to date them until you were ready to get married instead of losing out on the opportunity with that person (which you'll probably never have again). :s-smilie:

yes but if you met your perfect huband when you were say 17, both in 6 form, living with mom and pop. you have no money and both want to go to uni. neither of you wants to fall into sin unmarried. but you also want to own a home, and have a decent wedding rathr than a £50 front lounge one with a brighton beach honeymoon. you want a stable job too, to support any kids which might happen.

so you have 2 choices. 1) date celibately and chastely for 6 years util you finish uni and get a job. 2)fall into unmaried sin

Reply 18

Ewan

15

I hate this idea that some women have, whereby they feel there's no point dating someone if they can't see themselves marrying them. Stop looking at the 'endgame' and enjoy the ride... ffs