My Friend is dating someone who took advantage of me - Do I tell her about him?

If only that was half true. This thread is proof most people will try and claim anything but.

You honestly don't believe that a woman screaming sexual assault will get attention from society ?

People seem to be losing basic perspective here. All the people in this thread who are saying " he might have done this", "how do you know he wasn't being oppresive", "she didn't go into detail, he might have been beating her or have a hold over her for all you know" are jumping the gun.

Yes he might have been and Yes this could be a very serious case... but you can't make a point based solely on the omission of facts.
Her description really is not that in depth it's true, but the fact she's come on to a public forum for advice on the matter makes it a pretty sure thing that she's not going to forget a blindingly important fact.

She simply states on one single occasion that she didn't want to carry on and he "made" her... that means nothing really... "made" her could really have been "oh please I'm almost there just keep going" or yeah it could have been hand on her head and force it down her throat... but seeing as she didn't say that AND there were no other problems with her being "made" to do stuff in the relationship from then on... it's perfectly logical to assume this guys innocence.


I think everyone in this forum is going to take sides, females will side with her because of the impending worry of rape and oppressive relationships and males will side with him because of society's massive tendency to side with the woman screaming sexual assault.

there's really no point entering into a discussion on this matter simple because of the lack of detail given in the OP's poorly constructed post.
My post was simply my two cents on the situation based solely on the facts given... or more appropriately the lack of facts given.

You honestly don't believe that a woman screaming sexual assault will get attention from society ?

What seems to happen more often is people victim blame, slut shame and spend a lot of time discrediting the victims story. "Oh well she was drunk" "what was she doing out on her own in that state?" "Well she was dressed like a hooker" "But she had sex with her husband loads of times, how was he supposed to know?" "I bet she secretly enjoyed it, you know she's a whore" etc.

Massively hypocritical. People are so dishonest with themselves.

And a victim of a crime shouldnt get attention or help because?

When I society's tendency I actually meant the police and the judiciary system... probably should have clarified that.
As far as "victim blaming" goes, I think that's simply because of the amount of women that genuinely think having sex whilst drunk with someone they wouldn't normally have sex with counts as rape... and as as such.

yes there are many examples where this isn't the case and victim blaming occurs wrongfully. But I think that's the reason, the few giving the bad name to the many so to speak. But there isn't really anything to be done about that.

When I society's tendency I actually meant the police and the judiciary system... probably should have clarified that.
As far as "victim blaming" goes, I think that's simply because of the amount of women that genuinely think having sex whilst drunk with someone they wouldn't normally have sex with counts as rape... and as as such.

yes there are many examples where this isn't the case and victim blaming occurs wrongfully. But I think that's the reason, the few giving the bad name to the many so to speak. But there isn't really anything to be done about that.

Care to highlight the hypocrisy ?

People seem to be losing basic perspective here. All the people in this thread who are saying " he might have done this", "how do you know he wasn't being oppresive", "she didn't go into detail, he might have been beating her or have a hold over her for all you know" are jumping the gun.

Yes he might have been and Yes this could be a very serious case... but you can't make a point based solely on the omission of facts.

And you think Victim blaming just occurs for the rapes and sexual assaults that were committed when alcohol was involved do you?

Get a grip.

With pleasure.


"NOT RAPE"...and then...



You're crazy.

Victim blaming occurs everywhere... but so does convicting someone before giving them fair trial.

It's apparent you ladies all have your minds made up and aren't going to even fathom listening to reason but instead resort to blaming the "evil man" and side with your other sisters... Because after all the victim can never be to blame... why ever would she lie or stretch the truth... In fact the very notion of victim blaming means we should believe the victims even more...

GO VAGINAS!!!


I'm out.

Not really highlighting anything there... more just saying, words.

Care to try again?

Victim blaming occurs everywhere... but so does convicting someone before giving them fair trial.

It's apparent you ladies all have your minds made up and aren't going to even fathom listening to reason but instead resort to blaming the "evil man" and side with your other sisters... Because after all the victim can never be to blame... why ever would she lie or stretch the truth... In fact the very notion of victim blaming means we should believe the victims even more...

GO VAGINAS!!!


I'm out.

Telling someone that what they experience is not rape and they are basically out of order for even mentioning that word, and then going on to saying how people shouldn't be making judgement based on a lack of description of the events?

Idiot.

Okay, this is complicated, but I will try and convey the main bits;

Around three years ago I was in a secret relationship with a guy, M. On one occasion during that relationship I was made to continue perform oral sex after saying that I no longer wanted to. He apologised, and I forgave him, and our relationship continued for another month or so, after which I was encouraged by my friend, L, to break it off with him - M had dated a friend before, and if she found out, she'd be really upset.

Roughly a year later, we began having casual sexual encounters with one another - I would go to his house as a friend to play video games, but we both sort of knew what would happen. I got reattached, but I eventually found out he was chasing somebody else. Many years later I was told he was dating another friend secretly at the time, as opposed to chasing them.

Fast forward to now, and my friend L has just begun a relationship with M. I have had a Boyfriend steadily now for the last year who I love very much, and when I told him about M and how we had been together, he told me that I had been used and raped. This seems strong but I agree what he did was wrong. I've never really told anyone apart from my Boyfriend the whole truth behind what happened - I told L at the time that we were only thinking of starting a relationship, and just liked each other. I'm now wondering should I have told L about what M was like, and his previous misdeeds? Should I trust her to make her own choices and let it go? I try not to speak to M now, and so I don't know if he's changed.

Sorry for the very long post, but a reply would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading x