I'm 23.
I know, insane, right? It's not like I haven't had a sex drive this whole time but...I was born in a religious cult with mangled sexual practices, which I was on the receiving end of, so I haven't had the courage till now.
Now I'm in love. He's in the army. 6'5, blonde, beautiful to me, so much like me. We fit in every way - the same humour, music tastes, passions. We talk all the time.
He's very, very sexual. And a little rough. Which seems to work for me, because I'm possessed, all I think about is him. We don't meet regularly, I've told him I'm not ready. He's...frustrated, but I think he enjoys the anticipation.
I haven't told him yet. I get the feeling that it'll take a while for me to get into it. I just can't stand the idea of meeting with all this sexual tension and having awkward, patient sex for ages while he waits for me to catch up with him. Also, he'll be automatically better than me, which shifts the power balance, when I want us to be equal and starting this together.
So, and he would hate this, but I want to lose my virginity before him. I've been thinking of going on a dating site and finding someone to ... teach me. Yeah.
How long would it take before it started becoming enjoyable? And I start getting good, at least decent at it? I can't wait for him too long, so if I have to I'll have sex a few times and then tell him I haven't had much experience. But I want it to be explosive, I want to enjoy how intensely I feel for him instead of trying to relax and, ugh...even faking it. I love him too much to do that.
What should I do?
Tl;dr
23 year old virgin meets soldier who is her fantasy, falls in love, wants to lose it before him so she begin properly with him - how long would it take to enjoy and get somewhat good at it?