Nobody wants to go out with me and I just don't know why
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Original post by Anonymous
I'm glad you read this thread as your comments have been so helpful. For everyone reading this, I really don't want to come across as really full of myself by saying I'm attractive. That really wasn't what I wanted to do, but as laffytaffy has pointed out, I needed to deflect the attacking comments.
I think that's another thing I will bare in mind when a guy messages me something sexual. If they're are doing that from the offset; they are probably just not looking for a relationship at the moment and after one thing. I think I worry too much about not putting them off by completely cutting the sexual stuff off rather than whether it is actually putting me off!
I think that's another thing I will bare in mind when a guy messages me something sexual. If they're are doing that from the offset; they are probably just not looking for a relationship at the moment and after one thing. I think I worry too much about not putting them off by completely cutting the sexual stuff off rather than whether it is actually putting me off!
Aww, no problem!
Yes that's exactly that! You need to approach the conversation the same way you approach attractiveness - is he good enough for me? If a guy just wants something casual, the guy is usually emotionally unavailable . Sometimes these guys do get into relationships straight after just wanting something casual with you and so you think, 'it must just have been me he didn't want to date properly'. Nope, think again. Chances are he's found someone equally emotionally unavailable , and it'll usually end with: 1. his heart broken 2. her becoming less distant and he'll pull away or 3. it started off casual and they grew attached. 3. can work but research has shown most relationships that start off this way report low levels of satisfaction after a year. Wanting to date properly is more likely to end in a relationship where you're actually compatible. Obviously there are exceptions and sometimes a guy isn't emotionally unavailable and just perceives an incompatibility, but in that case screw him, you'll find someone who'll appreciate you
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by gijops
That's probably it you know.... I'd recommend wearing jumpers to "neutralize" the bump in your chest and maybe glasses... who doesn't a girl in glasses? she got "future wife" written all over that
Maybee... I do always cover my boobs up during the day time, because think it looks a bit inappropriate to be flashing your boobs about during the day. They definitely come out on nights out though haha. I don't know about the glasses thing. I personally don't like glasses on me, and feel as though that would be making myself look less attractive.
Original post by Anonymous
No, I don't, which I know is a bit bad of me. I just absolutely hate doing it! I should really man up and give it a go though!
It sounds as though you'll have to; or else attempt to fraternise within an age-group whose male contingent are slightly less libidinous. You're ironically at a disadvantage in this regard, of course, since you've never had to approach anyone, but hey: we don't relish the prospect any more than you do.
Original post by Profesh
It sounds as though you'll have to; or else attempt to fraternise within an age-group whose male contingent are slightly less libidinous. You're ironically at a disadvantage in this regard, of course, since you've never had to approach anyone, but hey: we don't relish the prospect any more than you do.
PRSOM. Good advice.
Original post by Profesh
It sounds as though you'll have to; or else attempt to fraternise within an age-group whose male contingent are slightly less libidinous. You're ironically at a disadvantage in this regard, of course, since you've never had to approach anyone, but hey: we don't relish the prospect any more than you do.
Sorry I don't mean to sound stupid - it's just you use a lot of posh words haha! Are you basically saying I will have to make first move, because I won't have any luck stopping guys sending sexual messages and stuff because guys of this age mainly have sex on their minds? Sorry my vocab is awful!
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry I don't mean to sound stupid - it's just you use a lot of posh words haha! Are you basically saying I will have to make first move, because I won't have any luck stopping guys sending sexual messages and stuff because guys of this age mainly have sex on their minds? Sorry my vocab is awful!
"By jove, I think she's got it!"
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry I don't mean to sound stupid - it's just you use a lot of posh words haha! Are you basically saying I will have to make first move, because I won't have any luck stopping guys sending sexual messages and stuff because guys of this age mainly have sex on their minds? Sorry my vocab is awful!
Yes, he is.
Also, working on your intelligence and general knowledge might help too (read more? You're 23, you've got three years on me damnit). You are coming off as extremely unattractive to a guy like me (a guy who would willingly not have sex with my gf for many months if she didn't want to) from that post alone, nevermind the rest...
Original post by TorpidPhil
Yes, he is.
Also, working on your intelligence and general knowledge might help too (read more? You're 23, you've got three years on me damnit). You are coming off as extremely unattractive to a guy like me (a guy who would willingly not have sex with my gf for many months if she didn't want to) from that post alone, nevermind the rest...
Also, working on your intelligence and general knowledge might help too (read more? You're 23, you've got three years on me damnit). You are coming off as extremely unattractive to a guy like me (a guy who would willingly not have sex with my gf for many months if she didn't want to) from that post alone, nevermind the rest...
Okay I know that wasn't my finest hour, but at least I did actually get what he said! My intelligence is fine, I'm studying at a good uni for a good degree. How else am I coming across as unattractive?
Original post by TorpidPhil
Yes, he is.
Also, working on your intelligence and general knowledge might help too (read more? You're 23, you've got three years on me damnit). You are coming off as extremely unattractive to a guy like me (a guy who would willingly not have sex with my gf for many months if she didn't want to) from that post alone, nevermind the rest...
Also, working on your intelligence and general knowledge might help too (read more? You're 23, you've got three years on me damnit). You are coming off as extremely unattractive to a guy like me (a guy who would willingly not have sex with my gf for many months if she didn't want to) from that post alone, nevermind the rest...
You sound like a regular guy.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello,
I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
Thanks TSR x
I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
Thanks TSR x
At uni most guys aren't wanting to get into a committed relationship. It's just fun there. I'd suggest try looking elsewhere, or join some clubs that require some intellect to fully enjoy (not that sport doesn't though), you'll probably find someone more serious there.
Original post by Anonymous
You sound like a regular guy.
You'de be surprised with folks at uni tbh. A lot of them would be very intolerant of that in a "relationship". I mean, if we were going out on dates and other forms of PDA, but for whatever reason she was noided about actual sex. I wouldn't be that bothered because for me the romance is more important than the sex. The relationship is more important than the sex. That's not what a lot of guys at university desire in "relationships" tbh.
Original post by Anonymous
Okay I know that wasn't my finest hour, but at least I did actually get what he said! My intelligence is fine, I'm studying at a good uni for a good degree. How else am I coming across as unattractive?
I was mostly joking with you there tbh. Obviously I wouldn't judge someone on just one conversation haha. There could be anything wrong with them. But if you come across as rather wise/intelligent maybe you will attract a different sort of man? I'm unsure why you keep getting these sex-obsessed fellas... Has to be something though because assuredly that is not everyone at university, even if it is quite a lot of them...
You've gotta talk to them more I guess before going all out with the dating thing...? Hence why clubs/bars are not so great. Build up a friendship first then pursue it romantically. and to do that you need common interests.
P.S You're actually coming across as not so smart again because intelligence is really nothing to do with academia. You can be pretty damn dumb but get into Cambridge. I mean, a-levels are mostly just rote-learning which the unintelligent can do very well with sufficient motivation. How well would you respond to solving novel problems if I started talking about them to you out of the blue? That's intelligence. Unfortunately though that can't be trained. But you can read up on general knowledge.... but again that's pointless since there's too much to read up on. Really you just need to try and find guys who have something in common with you, befriend them, enjoy one another's personality (and not bodies) and then make it romantic from there.
(edited 8 years ago)
Thats just being stereotypical, not all guys are sexsexsex, its how they are perceived due to the minority. If youre finding it hard to find someone "normal" (define normal), its hard to do at clubs where people try either get pissed out of their minds or hookup for sex, not find some normal looking for relationship. Why dont you try the uni library or if youre living in uni accommodation try there
Original post by Anonymous
I find that quite surprising that this is happening to you as a guy! I thought it was just guys that wanted sex and girls were more keen on relationships haha! I'm at bham. How about you?
Original post by SachinNeedsHelp
Thats just being stereotypical, not all guys are sexsexsex, its how they are perceived due to the minority. If youre finding it hard to find someone "normal" (define normal), its hard to do at clubs where people try either get pissed out of their minds or hookup for sex, not find some normal looking for relationship. Why dont you try the uni library or if youre living in uni accommodation try there
Well it has been like that in my experiences with guys, but obviously there will be guys out there who don't JUST want sex, they want a relationship as well. Sorry I know I probably shouldn't have generalised on that one.
Original post by Anonymous
Maybee... I do always cover my boobs up during the day time, because think it looks a bit inappropriate to be flashing your boobs about during the day. They definitely come out on nights out though haha. I don't know about the glasses thing. I personally don't like glasses on me, and feel as though that would be making myself look less attractive.
Well, you evidently (and quite understandably) do enjoy superficial validation from attractive members of the opposite sex: unfortunately, they're at the age where even an innocuous glimpse of cleavage would be considered tantamount to foreplay, and being such outgoing, athletic, self-assured, youthfully hedonistic specimens they won't coax you into a relationship with sex as the object because, frankly, they've no difficulty obtaining it by more direct means.
It's unfortunate that the still-prevalent stigma of promiscuity doesn't accord young women the same licence to be 'forward' as that flaunted with impunity by their male counterparts—be it in sex, or even assertively with a view to something more long-term—but alas, such is life.
Original post by JoshDawg
At uni most guys aren't wanting to get into a committed relationship. It's just fun there. I'd suggest try looking elsewhere, or join some clubs that require some intellect to fully enjoy (not that sport doesn't though), you'll probably find someone more serious there.
To be honest, this is probably like 90% of the reason for my probleM!
Original post by Anonymous
Well it has been like that in my experiences with guys, but obviously there will be guys out there who don't JUST want sex, they want a relationship as well. Sorry I know I probably shouldn't have generalised on that one.
Like the other guy said, try the glasses, idk why but defo does the trick for me, thick black frames on most girls = a wonderful sight
Original post by Anonymous
To be honest, this is probably like 90% of the reason for my probleM!
If you keep telling yourself that then you ain't gonna solve it. And being the sort that aren't there for that I know it isn't true anyway. Besides, you say you are at a good uni... Are you really? If so that should cut down on such students.
Don't worry about it. You're 23. You don't need a relationship to be happy, in spite of what society might tell you. Focus on your own self-esteem and your degree.
In order to meet people, join a society or something. Then alcohol won't always be involved and you will already share one common interest.
And try online dating. It's pretty fun.
In order to meet people, join a society or something. Then alcohol won't always be involved and you will already share one common interest.
And try online dating. It's pretty fun.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello,
I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
Thanks TSR x
I am a 23 year old girl and for some reason I just cannot find a guy I like that wants to go out with me. I'm still at university and literally every guy that I meet, that messages me literally only talks about sex. It just seems like that is the one and only thing they want. If they ever suggest meeting up, it's quite clear it's only for sex, and so I always find a way out of it. But I just can't understand why nobody wants to just go on a normal date with me with the possibility of going out with me. A lot of the guys that I meet at university, are at clubs/bars which I know probably doesn't lend itself to a relationship. But I do sport and I haven't met any nice guys that I like from that either. I consider myself a fairly attractive person. I'm sure that isn't the issue here. I'm very outgoing, love going out and socialising and meeting new people. I just don't understand where I'm going wrong? I would be grateful for any help, as I'm starting to get really down about this. Lots of my friends are in relationships now, and I feel as though if I don't get one soon I'll end up being lonely. But I'm not going to just go out with anyone for the sake of 'being in a relationship'.
Thanks TSR x
Guess you're not meeting the right guys. You must be talking to some weirdos if they message you specifically about sex. Maybe meet people in different places than you already are.
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