Is there anything wrong with giving up my two year old son. I hate being a Mum.
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Original post by mkap
exactly OP, ive grown to hate my mum and feel so much anger towards her for how she was with me.
This is a different situation altogether. I am not abandoning my son. I am staying a consistent and regular part of his life.
Original post by User2072205
I wished I could use a word stronger than anger. I hate my mum and I'm not even ashamed of it. Only I know how deprived, lonely and unwanted I felt growing up without a mother. I will NEVER forgive her. NEVER!!
no one understands when i tell them my feelings towards her, they say she's your mother, how can you, but at least you understand :') i know shes my mum and ive always tried to make excuses for her for how she behaves but its gone to the point when ive emotionally detached myself from her and feel sick every time i think of her. its affected my psychologically as well bc of her. im always here for you if yo want to talk, i know how it feels
I don't think this has anything to do with you being a mother, I feel like you don't sound very well. Its probably not easy being single mum, especially at a young age.You have to do whats best for your son but then again it sounds like you really need to help yourself. Do what feels right.
Original post by User2072205
I wished I could use a word stronger than anger. I hate my mum and I'm not even ashamed of it. Only I know how deprived, lonely and unwanted I felt growing up without a mother. I will NEVER forgive her. NEVER!!
Have you made contact with her and found out why she left? The story your father has given you may not be true. Your Dad should never have allowed you to feel unloved.
Don't project your hate onto someone else who is not planning to leave completely.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you. I have no intention of abandoning him.
Original post by mkap
no one understands when i tell them my feelings towards her, they say she's your mother, how can you, but at least you understand :'
i know shes my mum and ive always tried to make excuses for her for how she behaves but its gone to the point when ive emotionally detached myself from her and feel sick every time i think of her. its affected my psychologically as well bc of her. im always here for you if yo want to talk, i know how it feels
i know shes my mum and ive always tried to make excuses for her for how she behaves but its gone to the point when ive emotionally detached myself from her and feel sick every time i think of her. its affected my psychologically as well bc of her. im always here for you if yo want to talk, i know how it feels Omg I completely understand you! Don't you worry! I've been through it all and sometimes still do. I've just realised that I need to accept it. I've never been emotionally attached to any of my parents. But deep down that very fact is extremely hurtful. Oh well, this how life is. But yes I have no love for my parents. I have no reason to be ashamed of it because only I know how badly I tried to form that relationship with my parents but them being separated effected my relationship with them a lot.
aww thank you and seriously I'm here for you too!
Original post by suedonim
Have you made contact with her and found out why she left? The story your father has given you may not be true. Your Dad should never have allowed you to feel unloved.
Don't project your hate onto someone else who is not planning to leave completely.
Don't project your hate onto someone else who is not planning to leave completely.
I know how everything was like. I know it. Its not like I love my father either lol.
Original post by Anonymous
I will enjoy him once he's older. I just never have enjoyed the company of children. I love people, and interaction will adults, just not children.
This isn't discussed so much but it's probably more common than you think so don't be too hard on yourself. My mother couldn't connect with me as a child, took her till I was maybe 10 and a lot longer, until I was 19 to really have a relationship with me. She tells me so herself. I would probably struggle to connect with a child too. It's not ideal, but I'm sure you have done your best and provided as much as you can in other areas too. It sounds incredibly tough, well done for hanging in there.
Original post by bluepimpernel
I can sympathize, albeit for me it was the opposite. It was my father who walked away when I was 8 and decided that he was sick and tired of dealing with life. He showed no qualms in kicking us out of our house and if not for my mum having the bigger guts ever, I can't even begin to imagine where me and my siblings would have been. For me, my parents are my mum and my gran, as they're the ones who have acted as such. Having a great parent like your dad or my mum is a treasure, and people do need to appreciate that.
First of all I'm really sorry for what you had go through or rather your mum in this case. However, you're lucky to have at least one parent who is understanding, loving and caring. My father is so not a treasure. He only emotionally, mentally and physically abused me. So both my parents are the same for me.
Original post by User2072205
I wished I could use a word stronger than anger. I hate my mum and I'm not even ashamed of it. Only I know how deprived, lonely and unwanted I felt growing up without a mother. I will NEVER forgive her. NEVER!!
I can sympathise but it was my dad who was useless.Very useless.He knows it, whether he is sorry or not, I have no idea. Now that I'm older I've come to realise there is a trend in crappy fathers, and I'm not alone so I sort of made peace with it. As a child it was just unfair to see fathers and their children playing in the park, and taking them to school, or going on family holidays together.
Tbf I'm not going to lie, I do still really want a dads love. But he is so useless, I often think if I will actually cry at his funeral.
Original post by Anonymous
I will enjoy him once he's older. I just never have enjoyed the company of children. I love people, and interaction will adults, just not children.
You sound selfish but also quite self-aware & it may well be in your child's best interest to do what you are proposing but he may never forgive you for essentially rejecting him however well intended your reasons may be. Equally, to allow him to grow up in an environment where he's seen as a troublesome burden, where he does not feel the security of his mother's unconditional love, is a pretty ghastly idea too. Rock. Hard place.
Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes
I can sympathise but it was my dad who was useless.Very useless.He knows it, whether he is sorry or not, I have no idea. Now that I'm older I've come to realise there is a trend in crappy fathers, and I'm not alone so I sort of made peace with it. As a child it was just unfair to see fathers and their children playing in the park, and taking them to school, or going on family holidays together.
Tbf I'm not going to lie, I do still really want a dads love. But he is so useless, I often think if I will actually cry at his funeral.
Tbf I'm not going to lie, I do still really want a dads love. But he is so useless, I often think if I will actually cry at his funeral.
OMG same here!!
Seeing fathers being so caring and loving to their children while my father would shout at me and never spend time with me was a big deal. It effects you mental growth. As much as I hate to admit it but I hate my father yet I craved and still wished I had a father's love. I wished I had mother's love. I wished I grew up in a loving and caring family.
All of this makes me extremely sad and sometimes I just feel like how unfair this is!! I grew up in the surrounding of loving family and seeing my family broken was and still is the worst thing ever.
I just want to be a good mother. I would only have children once I've found the right person for me and I feel like we love each other. I want my children to get father and mother's love that I never got. Seriously, my best day would be seeing my husband being a great, loving and caring father to my children. That is the day I would cry. I will feel complete.
Original post by User2072205
I wished I could use a word stronger than anger. I hate my mum and I'm not even ashamed of it. Only I know how deprived, lonely and unwanted I felt growing up without a mother. I will NEVER forgive her. NEVER!!
Original post by mkap
exactly OP, ive grown to hate my mum and feel so much anger towards her for how she was with me.
I feel so sorry for you guys
shame on them 
Original post by User2072205
OMG same here!!
Seeing fathers being so caring and loving to their children while my father would shout at me and never spend time with me was a big deal. It effects you mental growth. As much as I hate to admit it but I hate my father yet I craved and still wished I had a father's love. I wished I had mother's love. I wished I grew up in a loving and caring family.
All of this makes me extremely sad and sometimes I just feel like how unfair this is!! I grew up in the surrounding of loving family and seeing my family broken was and still is the worst thing ever.
I just want to be a good mother. I would only have children once I've found the right person for me and I feel like we love each other. I want my children to get father and mother's love that I never got. Seriously, my best day would be seeing my husband being a great, loving and caring father to my children. That is the day I would cry. I will feel complete.
Seeing fathers being so caring and loving to their children while my father would shout at me and never spend time with me was a big deal. It effects you mental growth. As much as I hate to admit it but I hate my father yet I craved and still wished I had a father's love. I wished I had mother's love. I wished I grew up in a loving and caring family.
All of this makes me extremely sad and sometimes I just feel like how unfair this is!! I grew up in the surrounding of loving family and seeing my family broken was and still is the worst thing ever.
I just want to be a good mother. I would only have children once I've found the right person for me and I feel like we love each other. I want my children to get father and mother's love that I never got. Seriously, my best day would be seeing my husband being a great, loving and caring father to my children. That is the day I would cry. I will feel complete.
Who do you go to for support then? Are you close to your family at all (siblings, aunts, etc)?
Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes
I can sympathise but it was my dad who was useless.Very useless.He knows it, whether he is sorry or not, I have no idea. Now that I'm older I've come to realise there is a trend in crappy fathers, and I'm not alone so I sort of made peace with it. As a child it was just unfair to see fathers and their children playing in the park, and taking them to school, or going on family holidays together.
Tbf I'm not going to lie, I do still really want a dads love. But he is so useless, I often think if I will actually cry at his funeral.
Tbf I'm not going to lie, I do still really want a dads love. But he is so useless, I often think if I will actually cry at his funeral.
same but that way was with my mum. i used to get so jealous and envious when i used to see other people with their mums even with my cousins i would get jealous. its out of the norm as most mothers would do anything for their children yet mine wouldnt. thats why its so heart breaking as its innate for mothers to love their kids.
Original post by User2072205
OMG same here!!
Seeing fathers being so caring and loving to their children while my father would shout at me and never spend time with me was a big deal. It effects you mental growth. As much as I hate to admit it but I hate my father yet I craved and still wished I had a father's love. I wished I had mother's love. I wished I grew up in a loving and caring family.
All of this makes me extremely sad and sometimes I just feel like how unfair this is!! I grew up in the surrounding of loving family and seeing my family broken was and still is the worst thing ever.
I just want to be a good mother. I would only have children once I've found the right person for me and I feel like we love each other. I want my children to get father and mother's love that I never got. Seriously, my best day would be seeing my husband being a great, loving and caring father to my children. That is the day I would cry. I will feel complete.
Seeing fathers being so caring and loving to their children while my father would shout at me and never spend time with me was a big deal. It effects you mental growth. As much as I hate to admit it but I hate my father yet I craved and still wished I had a father's love. I wished I had mother's love. I wished I grew up in a loving and caring family.
All of this makes me extremely sad and sometimes I just feel like how unfair this is!! I grew up in the surrounding of loving family and seeing my family broken was and still is the worst thing ever.
I just want to be a good mother. I would only have children once I've found the right person for me and I feel like we love each other. I want my children to get father and mother's love that I never got. Seriously, my best day would be seeing my husband being a great, loving and caring father to my children. That is the day I would cry. I will feel complete.
i used to crave my mothers love. i cant remember that last time she showed me any love. i used to act out and do stupid things to get attention of other people as i wasnt getting ant from her. up until now i used to crave her love but hate her at the same time until a few days ago. it hurt so much and now all the love for her has gone and i dont crave it anymore, now i just feel so angry i cant control it. its made me realise to be the best mum to my future kids.
Original post by donutellme
I feel so sorry for you guys shame on them
shame on them at the end of the day its made me realise how to behave when i am a mother one day. i vow to love my kids and be the best mum to them so they dont feel or go through what i have.
OP, from what you describe it sounds like the right decision. You are not giving your child up, you are simply officially planning to become the non-resident parent. You will see him on a weekly basis so there is no need for him to become resentful and feel isolated and unloved by you.
Children have two parents, either of whom can take the primary parental role. He would hate you, if out of some misguided sense of the parenting being only your responsibility, you kept resident parental responsibility of him and continued to resent every day of being that parent.
I would advise taking this request for advice to www.babycentre.co.uk.
Children have two parents, either of whom can take the primary parental role. He would hate you, if out of some misguided sense of the parenting being only your responsibility, you kept resident parental responsibility of him and continued to resent every day of being that parent.
I would advise taking this request for advice to www.babycentre.co.uk.
Even if you don't wanna be a mum, I bet this won't be an easy decision to make 
At the end of the day, if you don't want your kid, then your home isn't the best place for him to live. Talk it through with your loved ones etc.
At the end of the day, if you don't want your kid, then your home isn't the best place for him to live. Talk it through with your loved ones etc.
Original post by donutellme
Who do you go to for support then? Are you close to your family at all (siblings, aunts, etc)?
In a close knitted Asian family, you always have someone to take care of you but of course nothing like parents.
Original post by mkap
same but that way was with my mum. i used to get so jealous and envious when i used to see other people with their mums even with my cousins i would get jealous. its out of the norm as most mothers would do anything for their children yet mine wouldnt. thats why its so heart breaking as its innate for mothers to love their kids.
i used to crave my mothers love. i cant remember that last time she showed me any love. i used to act out and do stupid things to get attention of other people as i wasnt getting ant from her. up until now i used to crave her love but hate her at the same time until a few days ago. it hurt so much and now all the love for her has gone and i dont crave it anymore, now i just feel so angry i cant control it. its made me realise to be the best mum to my future kids.
at the end of the day its made me realise how to behave when i am a mother one day. i vow to love my kids and be the best mum to them so they dont feel or go through what i have.
i used to crave my mothers love. i cant remember that last time she showed me any love. i used to act out and do stupid things to get attention of other people as i wasnt getting ant from her. up until now i used to crave her love but hate her at the same time until a few days ago. it hurt so much and now all the love for her has gone and i dont crave it anymore, now i just feel so angry i cant control it. its made me realise to be the best mum to my future kids.
at the end of the day its made me realise how to behave when i am a mother one day. i vow to love my kids and be the best mum to them so they dont feel or go through what i have.
Craving is the word. I agree with you Craving for the love that we deserve. Its super sad. I don't know anything about my mother tbh. Father and mother both strangers to me. I feel you but then again if anything although despite feeling so deprived, I now understand how deprived feelings feels like. Its has made me a better and more caring person. Much much stronger tbh! I know for sure i and you will be GREAT mothers. My focus would be giving my children the life I never had. Emotionally and mentally stable. Their freedom and what not!
Original post by Anonymous
I got pregnant at the age of 23 to a man I never loved. I was very lonely and just wanted a baby as I felt it would be the making of me. The second my son was born I realised I had made a massive mistake and that having a baby was nothing like I imagined. I had been very sheltered and immature in my reasonings for having a baby. I love my son but haven't got a maternal bone in my body and have struggled so hard the last two and a half years. I feel no bond and no enjoyment from him. I have had counselling, been diagnosed with postnatal depression when it got so bad I simply couldn't cope anymore. I've had counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy and while they've certainly helped, I have never felt like a Mum. Maybe if I were married, settled in a job and living in an area I liked then I would not be like this. But As it goes I am only starting out in life and live a very isolated life as I've had to move away from family and community to live in an area that had jobs in my field (social work).
My son's Dad offered to have him in the week so see if I am happier then. Currently I see my son every other weekend. Every two weeks I have him from Friday night to Sunday morning and I'm enjoying this set up. I no longer have the responsibility of his day to day care which I found so isolating and stressful and I'm able to enjoy the time we do have together. His Dad lives in a nicer area, with a large extended family, his Dad enjoy being a Dad and has taken naturally to it and he has a much better life with him.
I currently officially have custody but I am planning to give his Dad joint custody and continue with this arrangement. Do you think there's anything wrong with this? Obviously this is a very common set up but it is usually the Dad who see the child at the weekend.
I don't have any experience in this area so just looking for advice.
My son's Dad offered to have him in the week so see if I am happier then. Currently I see my son every other weekend. Every two weeks I have him from Friday night to Sunday morning and I'm enjoying this set up. I no longer have the responsibility of his day to day care which I found so isolating and stressful and I'm able to enjoy the time we do have together. His Dad lives in a nicer area, with a large extended family, his Dad enjoy being a Dad and has taken naturally to it and he has a much better life with him.
I currently officially have custody but I am planning to give his Dad joint custody and continue with this arrangement. Do you think there's anything wrong with this? Obviously this is a very common set up but it is usually the Dad who see the child at the weekend.
I don't have any experience in this area so just looking for advice.
It was a indeed a very harsh and selfish decision of yours to bring a child into this world, but we need to move past your mistake
I just wanted to say despite that you will not be looking after your child as much as you had initialy imagined, it would ideal if you still emotionally and financially support your child as any child in the world will struggle without his/her mother. If you already know this, then that is fantastic - but I just wanted to say it anyway
(edited 8 years ago)
A lot of people seem to be being quite judgemental here, which is hardly fair. She's said herself that she made a mistake, she knows she made a mistake and she's now doing her best to put things right. And I think if it's in the best interest of the child, then it's absolutely the right thing to do. How exactly you can be accused of being selfish for doing what's best for your child I don't know.
I say make sure you've thought it through and that it's not a snap decision you're making, but if it's what's best for you and what's best for your kid - and you're still maintaining regular contact, which is what you've said - then you should absolutely go for it!
I say make sure you've thought it through and that it's not a snap decision you're making, but if it's what's best for you and what's best for your kid - and you're still maintaining regular contact, which is what you've said - then you should absolutely go for it!
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