Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage
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You could say yes but you wouldn't marry immediately, after a year or more. You don't have to have sex on your wedding night, I'm sure your husband will wait until you are ready. If not then he's no good.
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Original post by samina_ay
I'm 19 - and getting married is brushed under the carpet - i don't want to go near it looooool. i'm going to carry on with my studies and get a good paying job - then maybe i'll settle - but still, marriage in my head is a trap LOLZ, or maybe because i'm a little immature. get to know him, and think in your head, is it someone you can spend the rest of your life with? if no then don't get married :-)
When you have completed your studies and you have that good paying job can I cook and clean for you?
No you shouldn't
/thread
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You will know when its the right time to marry. Significant doubts wouldnt faze you. Ask that question to yourself.
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Original post by urbanlocations
How come in the UK there are hundreds of charities that help muslim girls get out of forced marriage then?
Why is the government trying to put something in place to stop it happening... I think you are in a deluded world
Why is the government trying to put something in place to stop it happening... I think you are in a deluded world
If you studied Islam then you would know they are prohibited. Just like those people who force marriages you should actually learn the religion before making comments like that or taking action like they have lmao
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Original post by urbanlocations
How come in the UK there are hundreds of charities that help muslim girls get out of forced marriage then?
Why is the government trying to put something in place to stop it happening... I think you are in a deluded world
Why is the government trying to put something in place to stop it happening... I think you are in a deluded world
Come on man be real. It's a cultural thing. A lot of the girls are from the subcontinent where forced marriage is a common practise. There are girl from all different religions.
Forced marriage has no place in Islam. Another misconception about the religion.
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Original post by ConFusious
When you have completed your studies and you have that good paying job can I cook and clean for you?
Sure - I'll need a servant
Original post by Anonymous
can all the people against the idea of arranged marriage not comment , i wrote this for the purpose of Muslims to give me advice. i dont need your western 21st century comments.
Sweetie, they're just being realistic. It's not a "western 21st century" thing. It's nothing to do with our culture but it has everything to do with time. Fine don't accept western culture but you're not going to accept the century where in? Think about this ok. I understand that you want to be married but trust me it's isn't all there is to life, plus what's the point of being educated and using state money to pay for it of you're never going to have a job after wards to repay the loan and make your contribution to society. If all you want is to get married, be a good wife and mother then there's really no point in you even going uni because you're never going to use that knowledge you've gained. And what kind of example is that giving your daughters, that education is second to being married? Parent hood is all about setting a good example for your children.
Arranged marriages have their benefits but so do love marriages. People in arranged marriage do tend to "mess around" more outside of marriage than people who actually love eachother. There's that unspoken loyalty that exists between people who have feelings for one another compared to people who were put together for the sake of being part of the marriage paradigm. So do you want to be cheated on and lied to by the person you're supposed to economically rely on with no job and no money except for your dowry which probably is in the form of gold jewelry which you'll have to sell at the local cash converters for a lot less than its worth....?
Sure people in arranged marriage tend to stay with each other longer... but that's only because it takes them longer to get to know one another and once they do and they hate each others guts, they'll already have kids so they are somewhat obligated to stay together and make everyone in their familys', them and their children included, lives a misery because they're yelling all the time or daddy is hitting mummy. Their kids grow up unhappy. Then ask yourself do you want that to happen to your kids; is that being a good mother? Happiness of your kids should be THE priority, a childhood shouldn't be wrecked by a broken home... it causes a lot of emotional problems later in life like trust and intimacy issues. Again you're setting your kids up for failure.
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Original post by qwerty_mad
Come on man be real. It's a cultural thing. A lot of the girls are from the subcontinent where forced marriage is a common practise. There are girl from all different religions.
Forced marriage has no place in Islam. Another misconception about the religion.
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Forced marriage has no place in Islam. Another misconception about the religion.
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See that's not true. It's happened to 3rd generation Asian English Muslims too... people that have been born and brought up around English culture and English culture doesn't support it at all.
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(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by CAPTAINSHAZAM
In relation to your first point, i think nowadays getting to know someone is more important than ever just because of the women today being so modernised divorce so common etc Marriage has lost its meaning so getting it right is essential. I dont think there would be much wrong in going on "dates" aslong as nothing haraam as such went on mainly used as a get know sort of thing. OP needs to seek advice from someome knowledgeable not TSR
A vast amount of people on TSR are educated past degree level so I doubt they aren't knowledgeable. There are a lot of non Muslims aswell as Muslims who have studied Islamic teachings to an advanced level to understand the religion. And are probably more educated than her parents...
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(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I suggest you talk to your father about it do istakhara have meetings with him an with your father. See if you both have disagreements on islam, see if he is financially stable, etc.
But if it is all fine and it is what YOU want to do and if the istakhara is positive then you can go for a it but remember it's your choice. I do suggest you finish university first.
But if it is all fine and it is what YOU want to do and if the istakhara is positive then you can go for a it but remember it's your choice. I do suggest you finish university first.
There's no point in her going uni, she won't be able to pay back her loan because she doesn't want to work after finishing and she'd get a lawsuit off the government if she refuses to pay it back... unless she wants to go to court and pay thousands more for a lawyer, I suggest she either doesn't go uni at all and get married or not get married and get a job after uni, marry someone that "allows" her have a job but there's still the fact she doesn't want any independence so basically, girl just quit uni and get married... of course I'd rather you get of your bum and get an education and a job and be an independent adult who meets someone along the way that they actually love and don't hate and mess up their kids lives.
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Original post by sairaaas
now you're just bringing culture over religion, nothing wrong with marrying someone of a different culture
Im not going to say its "wrong" but im just trying to give the sister the best advice possible.
Cultural clashes is a real thing.
Also interracial/mixed culture have an extremely high divorce rate.
A lot of the kids turn out confused with no culture as well.
Not all mind you but when it goes tits up she will look back and say i made a mistake.
(EDIT)..
Not saying this because im anti mixed race people or couples btw just want to give the sister the best advice
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by urbanlocations
How come in the UK there are hundreds of charities that help muslim girls get out of forced marriage then?
Why is the government trying to put something in place to stop it happening... I think you are in a deluded world
Why is the government trying to put something in place to stop it happening... I think you are in a deluded world
yeah cos there are some sick twisted muslims who think it's okay, the religion itself doesn't support forced marriages. you can't sit there and teach me about my religion when you clearly haven't done your research
Original post by muslimstanisyed
Im not going to say its "wrong" but im just trying to give the sister the best advice possible.
Cultural clashes is a real thing.
Also interracial/mixed culture have an extremely high divorce rate.
A lot of the kids turn out confused with no culture as well.
Not all mind you but when it goes tits up she will look back and say i made a mistake.
(EDIT)..
Not saying this because im anti mixed race people or couples btw just want to give the sister the best advice
Cultural clashes is a real thing.
Also interracial/mixed culture have an extremely high divorce rate.
A lot of the kids turn out confused with no culture as well.
Not all mind you but when it goes tits up she will look back and say i made a mistake.
(EDIT)..
Not saying this because im anti mixed race people or couples btw just want to give the sister the best advice
true I understand but doesn't mean it can't work them problems must arise cos of them themselves and not cos of culture clashes
Original post by Anonymous
can all the people against the idea of arranged marriage not comment , i wrote this for the purpose of Muslims to give me advice. i dont need your western 21st century comments.
Well we ARE in the West and this IS the 21st century. The fact you even said that is really quite shocking, as if you actually WANT medieval comments instead.
Original post by AmazingArry
A vast amount of people on TSR are educated past degree level so I doubt they aren't knowledgeable. There are a lot of non Muslims aswell as Muslims who have studied Islamic teachings to an advanced level to understand the religion. And are probably more educated than her parents...
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Yeh and where are they on this thread.... I cant see them, just because TSR has some doesnt mean they will help on this thread. Thats why she needs advice from someone who can understand the situation better rather than just rely on TSR. Speaking over a forum doesnt help since we dont even know what type of person OP is nor have we met her or no the full situation.
Original post by Anonymous
can all the people against the idea of arranged marriage not comment , i wrote this for the purpose of Muslims to give me advice. i dont need your western 21st century comments.
You seem backward as hell. I feel sorry for you tbh for being so naive.
21st century comments lmao. If you don't then why come on here and ask? Even some Muslims on here are telling you to do your degree first.
Original post by Anonymous
being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.
I hope you are paying for that degree yourself and not wasting more tax payers money.
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Original post by AccountingBabe
I hope you are paying for that degree yourself and not wasting more tax payers money.
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Most likely she's using an Islamic bank or something to avoid interest, so no.
But how would she be wasting tax payers money by taking out a loan anyway?
And there are people doing useless degrees all over the place wasting tax payers money.
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