I hate being at university,

I am only in my first three weeks of university and I am already miserable. I want to drop out and I am already struggling with the course. I don't know who to ask. I do have a personal tutor but she is ****. I met with her in my first week and she could not be less bothered about me. I haven't made any actual friends and everyone else have despite me trying. I am far from my family and I just hate being here. I can't drop out because my parents paid SO much money to let me go here. What do I do?

Reply 1

Nadile

13

Well, your university should have a counselling service. That's one place you can go to if you want some practical advice. Also, instead of talking to your personal tutor you can always find the person responsible for your entire course. That's actually who I need to talk to at my uni about these kinds of things. You could also talk to your parents if they are the main reason you don't want to drop out. What did they pay for anyway?

If you do want to drop out though, since you already payed for the first semester then you could wait a bit longer before giving up. This way you can make sure that it's not just an initial bad impression. What is it that you don't like about the course? (and what course are you doing?) You could consider transferring onto a different one if you don't like this one after all, or if it's simply to difficult.

Reply 2

999tigger

19

Original post by inthelab

I am only in my first three weeks of university and I am already miserable. I want to drop out and I am already struggling with the course. I don't know who to ask. I do have a personal tutor but she is ****. I met with her in my first week and she could not be less bothered about me. I haven't made any actual friends and everyone else have despite me trying. I am far from my family and I just hate being here. I can't drop out because my parents paid SO much money to let me go here. What do I do?

Welfare service and theres normally a 24hr student helpline where you can talk anonymouslt and in confidence. If you wnat to pm the Uni im happy to locate them for you.

Besides talking to them you need to breakdown what your issues are, even if its everything! These forums are full of people who are unhappy for one reason or another, so you arent alone.

1. Your course- If you cant cope and you arent happy with your new tutor then its possible to ask for a new one. You should have a student rep and they will know who to contact or you can talk to one of the lecturers you like or the department and they will know the procedure to possibly get you a new one.

If you are having problem with particular courses, then you can try asking the lecturer or at least the one you have tutorials with.

It can be a bit overwhelming at first, but just go to the lectures, make your notes and prepare for tutorials by reading the set work. No idea what course it is, but ry to stay in touch. If the main texts are too much, then buy a revision book (much more concise) and read that to heklp you get an overview. It will be more thna enough to get you though tutorials.

ps I have no idea what your subject is, so am making assumptions its lectures and tutorials. At the beginning of tutorials just be keen and poile in with the predictable answers and then that menas you can relax before you get asked another question.

2. How are you getting on with flatmates, is it sociable or unsociable? if its a problem you can always look into transferring. Youd need to ask accommodation and they normally let that happen if you cna find someone to swap with. They allow it usually after a month.

3. Friends? Its nice to see you trying. The source fo friends are usually, accommodation, coursemates, friends of friends and ofc joining societies. Some people are naturals at talking to other people and not caring, others can be shy or anxious. What do you feel the reason is you arent making friends? You only need one and then you can build?

Have you joined any societies? Sat with the same course people and started chatting, gone for a coffee/ lunch etc? Your uni and the SU might have special evenings specifically for making friends or places on the web sites where you cna advertise for making new friends? No idea of your uni, but am sure someone at welfare would know.

Once you get one or two that you cna meet for lunch, go shoppint with etc, then Uni will seem less lonely and intimidating. You need to try and be brave and keep going so you know you have made a decent effort. Lots of people get over the homesickness. If you need a break then phone home of that makes you feel better. You cna skype chat for free.

Give it another month at least and see if things change for you. If you decide its not for you, then thats unfortunate but a decision you have to make for yourself.

Sorry I cant be more precise than that. never really occurred to me how difficult some people find making friends. Hnag in there and be kind to yourself.

Reply 3

Bros R Us

Suck it up and stick it out. you said yourself you can't leave because your parents paid bare dough so might as well start having a positive attitude

Reply 4

inthelab

OP

Thanks for your reply. It's nice to just have someone read what I say for once.

I'm doing Biomedical Sciences and it is so hard. It's a massive jump from school and it seems like it's only me out of the people I know who is falling behind.

I am from Scotland and moved to England to study because it is such a 'good' university for my course. Since I moved to England SAAS won't pay for all of my funds, and the accommodation I got is very expensive. It is a 'luxury' flat and my room is massive. My mum wanted me to be happy here, and I feel so terrible for not trying my hardest but my depression (which I am on medication for) is making this whole thing impossible - mixed with the stress from this course.

Reply 5

inthelab

OP

Thank you for your reply. It's nice just to have someone read what I am saying.

I am doing Biomedical Sciences at Newcastle University. My flat mates are nice enough but they are all in one big friend group together and I have tried to fit in but I just don't. I just don't fit in with them. I did sign up for a few societies but I genuinely felt too drained and depressed to turn up...so I've sort of just dumped all of the societies I was going to join. I'm not sure why i don't make friends easily I just think i don't really belong I guess.

You are right in saying that I should just try for a bit longer, at least till Christmas. I feel so incredibly guilty towards my mum for paying all this money to send me here and I'm just doing so terribly. She said to tell her if I have any problems but I can't do that..

Thanks so much for listening.

Reply 6

Caravan_Palace

6

Uni is such a jump from school; I struggled a little in the transition from school to uni mainly because I was the first person to go so my parents didn't exactly have much advice to give. I'm in my final year now and I feel so much more adjusted. It will take time, but it is possible. I highly advise seeking out your academic advisor or social advisor to get tips on how to adjust, how much time you should spend studying, study tips and so on since the way you work with uni is miles apart from how you did it for A Levels. Believe me, most people struggle in the first year and I believe that's why it doesn't count towards your degree classification; it's your year to make mistakes, learn the ropes and so on so you can feel confident going into second year.

With friends, I think first it's best to try your roommates/people you live close to since you'll be seeing them more often. Just a quick hi in the morning, maybe see if they go out and tag along and see how that goes. I actually didn't make any proper friends until December of my first year since my roommates were party animals and only connected with the people I had my classes with. Societies are also great (as cheesy as it sounds) since even if you know no one there, you have that initial shared interest that you can talk about.

But yeah, I agree with the others. Don't let this initial bad experience turn you off uni. Some people can just come in, make a ton of friends and feel like home within a week, whilst others, like myself, needed time to properly settle in. I'd say wait until December and see how things have gone. If it's the course, you can usually change to another one in second year if the core modules are similar. I did have a friend who goes to Oxford who ended up taking a year off (he's going back in January I believe) simply because he was under so much stress and needed time to get back together. Consider taking a year out and pace yourself if that's what you need. I'm hesitant to say drop out and never go back since university is such an interesting experience as well as being advantageous in getting jobs, so I wouldn't want you to drop out and look back in a few years time regretting not going. But at the same time, if you continue to find yourself at odds with uni, then there is no shame in leaving. University isn't for everyone.

Reply 7

Reality Check

22

You sound a little bit like you're stomping your feet and having a bit of a hissy, tbh. Who told you it was going to be easy? Or everything was going to fall into place instantly?

Keep trying! It'll be worth it in the long run - primarily because it seemed at one point so difficult, so out of your comfort zone. Honestly, if you change your attitude to 'I can make this work and enjoy it', you will do.

Reply 8

MasterJack

11

Anyone that can do well enough at school to be accepted for a biomedical sciences course, can also do well in the biomedical sciences course- it's more of whether or not you wish to apply effort.

Why are you finding the course difficult? I haven't got the impression you've done much to remedy your problems, it seems like you're trying to bail out or run away because things aren't so easy or simple.

Reply 9

picklescamp

16

start going to societies you're interested in. You'll meet likeminded people and will probably have a better chance of forming friendships with them. I think the worst thing you can do it stay in your comfort zone- join a sport or strike up a conversation with the people in your course. It's hard to take that plunge but that's what uni is about- most people won't have made their best friends yet, and I think you'll find that they're all just as keen to make friends as you. You just have to put in the effort

Reply 10

ViewOnlyMum

8

Original post by inthelab

Thank you for your reply. It's nice just to have someone read what I am saying.

I am doing Biomedical Sciences at Newcastle University. My flat mates are nice enough but they are all in one big friend group together and I have tried to fit in but I just don't. I just don't fit in with them. I did sign up for a few societies but I genuinely felt too drained and depressed to turn up...so I've sort of just dumped all of the societies I was going to join. I'm not sure why i don't make friends easily I just think i don't really belong I guess.

You are right in saying that I should just try for a bit longer, at least till Christmas. I feel so incredibly guilty towards my mum for paying all this money to send me here and I'm just doing so terribly. She said to tell her if I have any problems but I can't do that..

Thanks so much for listening.

Mum here, I have put two through university. What you are feeling right now is 100% common. A mixture of homesickness, being in a strange place, not knowing people, not knowing the campus, not understanding the work, the timetable, all this stuff about plagiarism and referencing, lectures where they run through them at a rapid pace and you cannot keep up. I have dealt with numerous melt downs and threats of throwing in the towel from my two.

It will get easier, little steps. Ask for help until you don't need it. Get into good habits, type up your lecture notes and store them safe for reference later, start an essay when it has been given to you, not a week before the deadline. Email your lecturer if you don't understand something. Ask the other students if you are lost on campus or can't make sense of the timetable, it will slowly slot into place. Try to get to know your course mates, just a friendly word here and there, please please join just one society you are interested in as you will find your friends there, and more than likely not in your flatmates.

Stick with it and confide in your mum. She will reassure you that you can do it, why? because you can!

Reply 11

username1342496

5

I also am thinking about dropping out.I'm studying at Leeds uni but live at home still in Huddersfield. I enjoyed my first year of college (AS levels) but lost my motivation in the second year. I applied to uni because that's what everyone did. During my second year at college I looked into doing an apprenticeship (dropping out of college entirely) but decided to finish my A levels. After getting lots of rejections from employers I decided I should try uni. Now 4 weeks in I hate it. I am not particularly motivated to learn about my course. I have made very few friends on my course. The workload is very heavy. I don't enjoy lecture style learning (I preferred classrooms with smaller class sizes). I have very little free time now, (this is my average day: I get up at 6:30am, go out at 7:30am, arrive at uni by 9:00am, revise for 1hr, have 3/4 hours of lectures and a lunch break at some time I between, leave uni at 3:00pm, get home at 5:00pm, have food, revise, then go to bed).Now I am considering dropping out to get a job or apprenticeship in admin/retail because I'm too stressed with uni.

Reply 12

Nadile

13

I will also mention that I only made fiends about a month into university, and I know people who were the same if not worse. It can take time to fix all the problems you're having right now, just try to go about it calmly.

Reply 13

loveleest

21

I have only made like 2 "friends" but it's early for me to be considering someone a friend lol. Just focus on yourself! Making friends isn't everything. You have only been here for 3 weeks you have all time in the world to make new friends. Why don't you exactly like it? Tbh I wouldn't drop out now, maybe consider a new course, but I think it would be too early to drop out now as you might end up liking it down the line

Reply 14

Confusedabtlife

Hi there. I've just started my second year at University and can completely understand what you're going through.

When I first went to Uni I felt so homesick I cried most nights. I couldn't even eat for the first few days I felt so sad. It gets a lot better though.

One of the best things I did was making sure I went out on my own and explored my surroundings - the more you know about where you live the more at home you'll feel. You might even realise you like spending time just with yourself (I know I do). I didn't find my real friends until almost the end of my first year (these are the people I really click with). Just keep trying and have an open mind and eventually it will all slot into place.

I can't really help you with the course but I can say that everyone feels confused in the first few weeks - it's natural. Just try and keep on top of everything the best you can.

University isn't easy but I'm glad I stuck it out because it has made me such a stronger person. Homesickness and feeling lonely does get better with time I promise you.

If it all comes down to it and after youve given it time you still feel like it's not for you. Tell your Mum how you feel - she loves you unconditionally and she will stand by any decision you make. After all she'd probably spend more putting you through three years (or whatever) and it's not worth it if it makes you miserable.

I hope this helped in any way.

Reply 15

JustGeorgeJ

16

Original post by inthelab

I am only in my first three weeks of university and I am already miserable. I want to drop out and I am already struggling with the course. I don't know who to ask. I do have a personal tutor but she is ****. I met with her in my first week and she could not be less bothered about me. I haven't made any actual friends and everyone else have despite me trying. I am far from my family and I just hate being here. I can't drop out because my parents paid SO much money to let me go here. What do I do?

Hello

First of all, it's only three weeks in and it's extremely common to have these feelings in short a short space of time. You've got a lot of time ahead of you at university, getting off the ground at the beginning is the hardest part but keep pushing.
Set goals for yourself, e.g. make it to Christmas and then see how you feel. This always helped me.

Just really try and enjoy yourself and look at the silver linings of your situation! If you are struggling, reach out to other supports at your university, such as counselling and student support - they can help you and probably give you the attention that your personal tutor doesn't.

Just keep pushing, join some societies, get involved, talk to people on your course and just keep pushing! There is nothing wrong with going home to see your family or speaking to them on the phone if it helps you! Keep pushing.

It'll get better,
Good luck! :smile:

I hate being at university,

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