Cheating?

So, I started college in September, really enjoying it. Met a girl in the first week and by the end of the month after a few dates we officially entered a relationship with her. Everything is good, we have mutual interests, like the same things, she's extremely attractive and we have amazing sex. Now, there is this guy who is in a few of her classes, and hangs out with our group in-between lessons who was in my secondary school too. Now, he CAN be nice, but the truth is. He's seriously creepy, he was in school and he is in college. I know a girl (who was in the same year as us) who dated him for about a year, and according to her he manipulated her, made up pathetic little stories so she'd feel sorry for him, was very controlling and pressured her into touching him at various points throughout the relationship, and now has a restraining order against him.

Now, I recently noticed him getting a bit too close for comfort with my girlfriend, like, way too close. If they're just friends and he has no intentions and neither does she, that's fine? I don't care about that, what psycho would? But I am very wary of this guy, given his history.

Now, me and the girlfriend didn't see a lot of each other last week, as it was half-term, so on the sunday night before college I asked if she wanted to come back to mine after our lessons on monday, which is what we normally do on a monday, but she said "Sorry, I have plans". Which again, no problem! I ask what the plans were...she tells me she's going over to this guys house to work-out, which is plausible because she does want to get healthier, but I enquire further and I found out that the dude's family isn't home. She tells me I'm worrying too much, I tell her this guys history and she just waves it off, jokingly saying she'd kick him in the balls if he tried to attack/force her or anything, I reply that in the circumstance of him attacking her it's not that simple/you can't be dependant on a simple kick to the balls. She again waves it off.

Fast forward to Wednesday (this is where I messed up), we're lying in my bed and she's fast asleep, I am still suspicious of what's been going on with this guy/if he's up to something. I (admittedly wrongly) went onto her phone and scrolled through the messages, it's fine for a bit, until I see a consistent spam over the period of a few days of "Meet me after lesson?" or "Hey! Where are you? I'll meet you after lesson!" "Where are you?"..okay, a little suspicious and worrying but I'll stay calm..

I scroll up further, and I see him asking about me, like if we were good now since me and her had a small petty argument a few weeks back, so, she told him about that, which is a little upsetting as I value my privacy. I carry on. I keep scrolling until I find the point in the chat where they are arranging to go back to his to work out, now, I can't remember the exact chat before this but I read the words "What if I hold your arms above your head?" then "What if I chloroform you and leave you somewhere in the woods? xD". She starts to wake up, I quickly close the app and put the phone down and pick mine up, pretending like I was just on my phone. She is none the wiser.

I am very suspicious, hurt, disappointed and scared, in all honesty.

Please, any advice?

Thanks man, much appreciated! I'll keep this updated, my little diary I suppose.

I read this and now I’m fascinated. Thank you for keeping us updated. Apologies if that sounds nosey but cheating is terrible and your situation is truly one of concern just reading it but I could be wrong! Hope you come out the other side happy regardless of the outcome

Thanks, Lily! Much appreciated.

I still feel pretty bad for snooping on her chat with him though, however, I wouldn't of known what I know now if I hadn't..

I see people write “oh that’s bad, oh you shouldn’t do that” etc etc all the time. Frankly, most people discover they’ve been cheated on this way as let’s face it, people aren’t going to be upfront about it! I don’t support it, but when it needs to be done sometimes it’s the only way you can find peace! No worries though, can’t be nice especially at a stressful time like college!

I hope you work it out with her in the end.
She probably isn't doing anything, but you're right to have your wits about you.

I think you're right to be concerned. This guy has a bad past with girls and he's showing warning signs again. Maybe you shouldn't have snooped through your girlfriend's phone but I'm guessing she didn't tell you because she doesn't want to think of him as a potential threat rather than because she's cheating with him.

this mother****er