I want to be a father, but I'm short
When I'm older and if I do find someone who wants to settle down with me (that's a whole other issue), I'd like to have children. However at 5'6 it's dawned on me recently that no matter how great a father I could ever be, I'll always be letting down my future wife by providing short children, but I'd also be letting down my children by making them short. Why this concerns me so much is that for as long as I can remember, I've always been unhappy with my height to an extent. In school I was bullied for years solely because of my height, now some people insist on treating me as a child (even though I'm 18).
Are there any other short guys who've had these kind of thoughts? Should I learn to accept that I'll never have the opportunity to be a father, so I should stop worrying about it? Or is it a real concern which I will have to confront if I ever were to be a father?
Are there any other short guys who've had these kind of thoughts? Should I learn to accept that I'll never have the opportunity to be a father, so I should stop worrying about it? Or is it a real concern which I will have to confront if I ever were to be a father?
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Original post by Anonymous
When I'm older and if I do find someone who wants to settle down with me (that's a whole other issue), I'd like to have children. However at 5'6 it's dawned on me recently that no matter how great a father I could ever be, I'll always be letting down my future wife by providing short children, but I'd also be letting down my children by making them short. Why this concerns me so much is that for as long as I can remember, I've always been unhappy with my height to an extent. In school I was bullied for years solely because of my height, now some people insist on treating me as a child (even though I'm 18).
Are there any other short guys who've had these kind of thoughts? Should I learn to accept that I'll never have the opportunity to be a father, so I should stop worrying about it? Or is it a real concern which I will have to confront if I ever were to be a father?
Are there any other short guys who've had these kind of thoughts? Should I learn to accept that I'll never have the opportunity to be a father, so I should stop worrying about it? Or is it a real concern which I will have to confront if I ever were to be a father?
You have very strange views about height and low self esteem.
There is more to a height to a person.
5'6" isn't a midget.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, work on your self esteem and get comfortable that you are more than height. You can have a great life get a great wife and have loads of kids, but you need to work on the self esteem or you will carry on making yourself unhappy.
Original post by 999tigger
You have very strange views about height and low self esteem.
There is more to a height to a person.
5'6" isn't a midget.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, work on your self esteem and get comfortable that you are more than height. You can have a great life get a great wife and have loads of kids, but you need to work on the self esteem or you will carry on making yourself unhappy.
There is more to a height to a person.
5'6" isn't a midget.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, work on your self esteem and get comfortable that you are more than height. You can have a great life get a great wife and have loads of kids, but you need to work on the self esteem or you will carry on making yourself unhappy.
Worrying about women's preoccupations with height and having low self esteem are different things. I value myself and like who I am, but I know women care a lot about height and it's just been bugging me.
I know there's more to a person than height, I don't define myself depending on my height, but height does determine how people perceive you and it does to an extent define your value as a partner to women.
Feeling sorry for myself and identifying problems with being short are different things. What does having a short child mean? That they're much more likely to get bullied and will have to deal with self esteem issues. I don't believe and I know it's not true that I'm the only short male who has struggled with those things and I don't want my child to go through that. Neither do women. I don't know how to put across problems that short guys may face without coming across as feeling sorry for myself :/
If the potential mother of your children is your wife then she’s not bothered by your height is she? She couldn’t be, she will have married you.
Your physical traits are probably the last on the list when it come to the qualities needed to be a good father. What would potentially be a problem is you projecting your self esteem issues on to a child. You will give them the same issues you have with height You should maybe work on that.
Children usually, but not always, are slightly taller than their parents anyway. I’m 5’7, my husband is 6’. My sons are both 6’3.
Your physical traits are probably the last on the list when it come to the qualities needed to be a good father. What would potentially be a problem is you projecting your self esteem issues on to a child. You will give them the same issues you have with height You should maybe work on that.
Children usually, but not always, are slightly taller than their parents anyway. I’m 5’7, my husband is 6’. My sons are both 6’3.
My dad is 5’5 and my mum is 5’0 so both are small however both me and my brother are 5’9/8. A general rule is that a child can grow up to (sometimes more) about 3” higher then their father
Original post by Anonymous
Worrying about women's preoccupations with height and having low self esteem are different things. I value myself and like who I am, but I know women care a lot about height and it's just been bugging me.
I know there's more to a person than height, I don't define myself depending on my height, but height does determine how people perceive you and it does to an extent define your value as a partner to women.
Feeling sorry for myself and identifying problems with being short are different things. What does having a short child mean? That they're much more likely to get bullied and will have to deal with self esteem issues. I don't believe and I know it's not true that I'm the only short male who has struggled with those things and I don't want my child to go through that. Neither do women. I don't know how to put across problems that short guys may face without coming across as feeling sorry for myself :/
I know there's more to a person than height, I don't define myself depending on my height, but height does determine how people perceive you and it does to an extent define your value as a partner to women.
Feeling sorry for myself and identifying problems with being short are different things. What does having a short child mean? That they're much more likely to get bullied and will have to deal with self esteem issues. I don't believe and I know it's not true that I'm the only short male who has struggled with those things and I don't want my child to go through that. Neither do women. I don't know how to put across problems that short guys may face without coming across as feeling sorry for myself :/
They really arent. If you had normal or high self esteem then you wouldnt obsess about your height and you would know your own value plus you would be fine that other women would recognise that as well.
You are letting yourself be defined by height. You are worrying about things that you have no experience of to an unhealthy degree. You are way too self conscious abut height.
You are 18 so have little experience of women.
You are worried about your children , who dont exist.
There are other people of that height and much shorter who are happy and successful.
At the moment focus on your exams and work upon the other things that matter that will give you confidence or make you an attractive partner. There are lots of women out there (millions, tens, hundreds of millions who dont care about height at all), but they will care about whether you are good company, truthful, funny, confident etc.
It's the other people with the problem
Original post by Sammylou40
If the potential mother of your children is your wife then she’s not bothered by your height is she? She couldn’t be, she will have married you.
Your physical traits are probably the last on the list when it come to the qualities needed to be a good father. What would potentially be a problem is you projecting your self esteem issues on to a child. You will give them the same issues you have with height You should maybe work on that.
Children usually, but not always, are slightly taller than their parents anyway. I’m 5’7, my husband is 6’. My sons are both 6’3.
Your physical traits are probably the last on the list when it come to the qualities needed to be a good father. What would potentially be a problem is you projecting your self esteem issues on to a child. You will give them the same issues you have with height You should maybe work on that.
Children usually, but not always, are slightly taller than their parents anyway. I’m 5’7, my husband is 6’. My sons are both 6’3.
My father rarely ever mentioned my height, yet I, along with many other short males, grew up with self esteem issues and struggling to accept themselves. There are factors other than bad parenting in whether a child develops self esteem issues based on height, such as bullying (which I feel is much more likely if you're a short male) or especially in male teenagers, dealing with being short and what that means when it comes to dating women (you're much less attractive and there's nothing you can do about it). So I think it's quite bizarre to say that the source of self esteem issues is not being short itself and the problems which comes with it, but instead having my supposed insecurities projected onto my child. That can be a cause, but, as in my case, is definitely not a cause and is not the only cause of self esteem issues.
I'll say this again, there's a difference between having self esteem issues and recognising a fact. I accept myself for who I am, I don't try to change myself to try to suit other people's views of how I should be. I am simply recognising that being short comes with problems. It doesn't make me someone who hates themselves if I acknowledge the fact that on average short men earn less. That's just accepting that there are disadvantages (which is how you accept yourself is it not? By recognising and accepting your flaws?)
However I do partially agree with your first bit. Although the reason one would care about the height of their child isn't because of their own perception of height, but that of others and the impact that would have on the child. So whilst I might not see height as something which defines someone, there are plenty of people who do, and I can't help but worry about whether I would want to have a child where they will be judged based on their height by others.
OP that was obviously me late at night.
The fears you have are understandable, but they are a bit extreme.
You can have a great life with kids and a wife who loves you. You are being way too pessimistic about how important height is. get comfy with yourself and care less what others think and the issue will become small to insignificant.
As knight king said focus on the areas you can do something about. There are plenty of people smaller than you who realise height doesnt really define you and they focus on things that really matter and which they can do something about. Care less what people think and sop believing height matters so much, when it does not.
The fears you have are understandable, but they are a bit extreme.
You can have a great life with kids and a wife who loves you. You are being way too pessimistic about how important height is. get comfy with yourself and care less what others think and the issue will become small to insignificant.
As knight king said focus on the areas you can do something about. There are plenty of people smaller than you who realise height doesnt really define you and they focus on things that really matter and which they can do something about. Care less what people think and sop believing height matters so much, when it does not.
Original post by 999tigger
They really arent. If you had normal or high self esteem then you wouldnt obsess about your height and you would know your own value plus you would be fine that other women would recognise that as well.
You are letting yourself be defined by height. You are worrying about things that you have no experience of to an unhealthy degree. You are way too self conscious abut height.
You are 18 so have little experience of women.
You are worried about your children , who dont exist.
There are other people of that height and much shorter who are happy and successful.
At the moment focus on your exams and work upon the other things that matter that will give you confidence or make you an attractive partner. There are lots of women out there (millions, tens, hundreds of millions who dont care about height at all), but they will care about whether you are good company, truthful, funny, confident etc.
You are letting yourself be defined by height. You are worrying about things that you have no experience of to an unhealthy degree. You are way too self conscious abut height.
You are 18 so have little experience of women.
You are worried about your children , who dont exist.
There are other people of that height and much shorter who are happy and successful.
At the moment focus on your exams and work upon the other things that matter that will give you confidence or make you an attractive partner. There are lots of women out there (millions, tens, hundreds of millions who dont care about height at all), but they will care about whether you are good company, truthful, funny, confident etc.
I find it funny that you seem to know better than myself my perception of my own height. I have accepted my height, I live for myself, I do what makes me happy and I know my own value. I know that there are women out there would would recognise that, but I acknowledge the fact that more height is seen as more attractive, and I don't kid myself into believing that the world is a magical wonderland where personality is all that matters in determining the value of someone as a potential partner.
Why does worrying about how people might treat someone based on their height mean that I'm "way too self conscious" about height? Being way too self conscious would mean that it impedes my enjoyment of life, which it doesn't. Even if I were way too self conscious, what help are you offering by simply stating that I'm way too self conscious?
Since when is it a bad idea to think about the future? It is a question I no doubt may have to face in the future and simply having a concern regarding that issue doesn't suddenly turn my into a self-depreciating, pile of worthlessness. What is there to indicate that I cannot be happy and successful. You seem to be doing a lot of assuming about me when I've mentioned in previous replies things that you continue to assume about me. If I worry about how people would perceive my children, why does that automatically mean that I don't work on becoming more confident, truthful, funny etc?
I’m 5ft6, always wearing heels (at least four inches) and I personally like to date shorter guys. You shouldn’t worry about your height lovely. If the girl you fall for in genuine and she’s taller then you it won’t bother her.
Original post by Anonymous
I find it funny that you seem to know better than myself my perception of my own height. I have accepted my height, I live for myself, I do what makes me happy and I know my own value. I know that there are women out there would would recognise that, but I acknowledge the fact that more height is seen as more attractive, and I don't kid myself into believing that the world is a magical wonderland where personality is all that matters in determining the value of someone as a potential partner.
Why does worrying about how people might treat someone based on their height mean that I'm "way too self conscious" about height? Being way too self conscious would mean that it impedes my enjoyment of life, which it doesn't. Even if I were way too self conscious, what help are you offering by simply stating that I'm way too self conscious?
Since when is it a bad idea to think about the future? It is a question I no doubt may have to face in the future and simply having a concern regarding that issue doesn't suddenly turn my into a self-depreciating, pile of worthlessness. What is there to indicate that I cannot be happy and successful. You seem to be doing a lot of assuming about me when I've mentioned in previous replies things that you continue to assume about me. If I worry about how people would perceive my children, why does that automatically mean that I don't work on becoming more confident, truthful, funny etc?
Why does worrying about how people might treat someone based on their height mean that I'm "way too self conscious" about height? Being way too self conscious would mean that it impedes my enjoyment of life, which it doesn't. Even if I were way too self conscious, what help are you offering by simply stating that I'm way too self conscious?
Since when is it a bad idea to think about the future? It is a question I no doubt may have to face in the future and simply having a concern regarding that issue doesn't suddenly turn my into a self-depreciating, pile of worthlessness. What is there to indicate that I cannot be happy and successful. You seem to be doing a lot of assuming about me when I've mentioned in previous replies things that you continue to assume about me. If I worry about how people would perceive my children, why does that automatically mean that I don't work on becoming more confident, truthful, funny etc?
You are the one worrying about this when many other people just get on with life. I'm pointing out you are wasting your energy on something you have no control over and your fears are disproportionate.
Meanwhile there are other people shorter than you who dont worry about these things, get gfs and have families. They realise what matters and are happy in themselves. If you want to map out your life of doom and gloom, then go ahead.
You cant always control the situation in, but you can decide what your attitude and how to deal with it will be.
Original post by 999tigger
You are the one worrying about this when many other people just get on with life. I'm pointing out you are wasting your energy on something you have no control over and your fears are disproportionate.
Meanwhile there are other people shorter than you who dont worry about these things, get gfs and have families. They realise what matters and are happy in themselves. If you want to map out your life of doom and gloom, then go ahead.
You cant always control the situation in, but you can decide what your attitude and how to deal with it will be.
Meanwhile there are other people shorter than you who dont worry about these things, get gfs and have families. They realise what matters and are happy in themselves. If you want to map out your life of doom and gloom, then go ahead.
You cant always control the situation in, but you can decide what your attitude and how to deal with it will be.
Why are you making such vast assumptions about me? You seem to think that I spend hours crying in my bed over being short, and that I don't do anything useful with my life. I am getting on with my life, I don't let my concerns stop me from living life to the fullest, I'm fairly sure I know better than you whether I am getting "on with life" or not. Th only energy wasting I'm doing is typing here, if that's a waste of energy then you're wasting your energy too. Again, you're assuming that I'm not happy in myself and that I don't realise what matters. I am generally happy with myself. I accept that I have flaws and I accept that there's nothing that I can do about them, so I get on with life because that way I will be happiest in life. As I said before, I realise that the world isn't a fair place and that personality isn't the only determiner of how you will be treated in the world. Appearance is also important, it also matters. To say that appearance doesn't matter is a complete lie. But personality matters more in the majority of circumstances. On your final assumption: that I am mapping out my life "of gloom and doom". I am fairly sure, though not 100% sure, that I know how I am mapping out my life much better than you do. I've said this before and will say it again, I find it hillarious that you think that you know enough about me to be able to come to the conclusion that I only see "doom and gloom" ahead of me. This post concerns only one aspect of my future. If I think that things might not be so rosy in regards to this matter, that doesn't mean my entire future will be a complete disaster. That is the assumption you're making and quite frankly it's just quite annoying.
Why are my fears disproportionate? I admit that I exaggerated because I was tired and not in a great mood. But I still feel as though no matter what I do, my child will receive the same treatment as I did, and that my father did to an extent, for being short and male. Sometimes I don't know whether it would be fair for them to have to experience that and it doesn't stop at school and I can rant on about this for a long time so I won't.
Original post by Anonymous
Why are you making such vast assumptions about me? You seem to think that I spend hours crying in my bed over being short, and that I don't do anything useful with my life. I am getting on with my life, I don't let my concerns stop me from living life to the fullest, I'm fairly sure I know better than you whether I am getting "on with life" or not. Th only energy wasting I'm doing is typing here, if that's a waste of energy then you're wasting your energy too. Again, you're assuming that I'm not happy in myself and that I don't realise what matters. I am generally happy with myself. I accept that I have flaws and I accept that there's nothing that I can do about them, so I get on with life because that way I will be happiest in life. As I said before, I realise that the world isn't a fair place and that personality isn't the only determiner of how you will be treated in the world. Appearance is also important, it also matters. To say that appearance doesn't matter is a complete lie. But personality matters more in the majority of circumstances. On your final assumption: that I am mapping out my life "of gloom and doom". I am fairly sure, though not 100% sure, that I know how I am mapping out my life much better than you do. I've said this before and will say it again, I find it hillarious that you think that you know enough about me to be able to come to the conclusion that I only see "doom and gloom" ahead of me. This post concerns only one aspect of my future. If I think that things might not be so rosy in regards to this matter, that doesn't mean my entire future will be a complete disaster. That is the assumption you're making and quite frankly it's just quite annoying.
Why are my fears disproportionate? I admit that I exaggerated because I was tired and not in a great mood. But I still feel as though no matter what I do, my child will receive the same treatment as I did, and that my father did to an extent, for being short and male. Sometimes I don't know whether it would be fair for them to have to experience that and it doesn't stop at school and I can rant on about this for a long time so I won't.
Why are my fears disproportionate? I admit that I exaggerated because I was tired and not in a great mood. But I still feel as though no matter what I do, my child will receive the same treatment as I did, and that my father did to an extent, for being short and male. Sometimes I don't know whether it would be fair for them to have to experience that and it doesn't stop at school and I can rant on about this for a long time so I won't.
Dude I don't care. Your post is odd as most other people dont fret over things they can do nothing about. You have to get a gf first to be the mother to your imaginary kids that may or may not be your preferred height and who may or may not be perfectly happy with their own height or confident enough not to care. If you want to prevent you from being a father, then do that or you could adopt some tall children.
Other people of your height dont worry about it and dont feel so disadvantaged as you do. Seems to me they have the right attitude and get on with making the most of their lives without wasting energy worrying about things they neither see as a disadvantage nor can do anything about anyway. Your attitude is your choice.
Original post by Anonymous
Why are you making such vast assumptions about me? You seem to think that I spend hours crying in my bed over being short, and that I don't do anything useful with my life. I am getting on with my life, I don't let my concerns stop me from living life to the fullest, I'm fairly sure I know better than you whether I am getting "on with life" or not. Th only energy wasting I'm doing is typing here, if that's a waste of energy then you're wasting your energy too. Again, you're assuming that I'm not happy in myself and that I don't realise what matters. I am generally happy with myself. I accept that I have flaws and I accept that there's nothing that I can do about them, so I get on with life because that way I will be happiest in life. As I said before, I realise that the world isn't a fair place and that personality isn't the only determiner of how you will be treated in the world. Appearance is also important, it also matters. To say that appearance doesn't matter is a complete lie. But personality matters more in the majority of circumstances. On your final assumption: that I am mapping out my life "of gloom and doom". I am fairly sure, though not 100% sure, that I know how I am mapping out my life much better than you do. I've said this before and will say it again, I find it hillarious that you think that you know enough about me to be able to come to the conclusion that I only see "doom and gloom" ahead of me. This post concerns only one aspect of my future. If I think that things might not be so rosy in regards to this matter, that doesn't mean my entire future will be a complete disaster. That is the assumption you're making and quite frankly it's just quite annoying.
Why are my fears disproportionate? I admit that I exaggerated because I was tired and not in a great mood. But I still feel as though no matter what I do, my child will receive the same treatment as I did, and that my father did to an extent, for being short and male. Sometimes I don't know whether it would be fair for them to have to experience that and it doesn't stop at school and I can rant on about this for a long time so I won't.
Why are my fears disproportionate? I admit that I exaggerated because I was tired and not in a great mood. But I still feel as though no matter what I do, my child will receive the same treatment as I did, and that my father did to an extent, for being short and male. Sometimes I don't know whether it would be fair for them to have to experience that and it doesn't stop at school and I can rant on about this for a long time so I won't.
Just to add on, you seem to be presuming that women are disinterested in short guys, just from what I read earlier. I'm sure there are women who prefer someone tall, but that doesn't mean that height is a sort of deal breaker that will prevent them from having children with you. It's just a preference, for some. If you really think that people are so pretentious to think that short men can't be good fathers, then you might have a warped and narrow view of the world. I don't see how height correlates with your ability to be a good partner and a good father (tall=good father? Give me some evidence to establish that correlation because there is no logic to support that as far as I know), as there are plenty of tall, terrible people who no one would be interested in. Also, the whole thing about passing on the genes to your child...firstly, it is unlikely that 100% of your children will be short because that's now how genetics work, unless everyone in your family, and everyone on their mother's side of the family is short. Even if they are, do you think of it as your fault for inheriting a the short gene, because it sounded like that on your first post. If so, then yes it might be more of an issue with self-esteem and self-perception. I get that you were made fun of for being short. I was made fun of for being tall myself. But if someone is going to make fun of your future children for something they were born with, that is very common and not at all strange or harmful, then it's their fault. Honestly, if your short or tall or average, then cool.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by 999tigger
Dude I don't care. Your post is odd as most other people dont fret over things they can do nothing about. You have to get a gf first to be the mother to your imaginary kids that may or may not be your preferred height and who may or may not be perfectly happy with their own height or confident enough not to care. If you want to prevent you from being a father, then do that or you could adopt some tall children.
Other people of your height dont worry about it and dont feel so disadvantaged as you do. Seems to me they have the right attitude and get on with making the most of their lives without wasting energy worrying about things they neither see as a disadvantage nor can do anything about anyway. Your attitude is your choice.
Other people of your height dont worry about it and dont feel so disadvantaged as you do. Seems to me they have the right attitude and get on with making the most of their lives without wasting energy worrying about things they neither see as a disadvantage nor can do anything about anyway. Your attitude is your choice.
Lmao why reply to a thread if you don't care? You seem to be mocking my post more than you're trying to help. You come across as provocative, apologise, then continue after I replied. You also seem to be saying that I can't think about the future by saying that I can't think about kids without having a gf. Yes there's a possibility that if I had children that they would be happy with their height, but the world isn't a magical wonderland where everyone's happy, so there's a chance they might also not be. Again with your damn assumptions. If you'd spent about 40 seconds reading my post you'd know not to make these unsubstantiated assumptions about my attitudes or who I am as a person.
check out this guy:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warwick_Davis
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warwick_Davis
Original post by Anonymous
When I'm older and if I do find someone who wants to settle down with me (that's a whole other issue), I'd like to have children. However at 5'6 it's dawned on me recently that no matter how great a father I could ever be, I'll always be letting down my future wife by providing short children, but I'd also be letting down my children by making them short. Why this concerns me so much is that for as long as I can remember, I've always been unhappy with my height to an extent. In school I was bullied for years solely because of my height, now some people insist on treating me as a child (even though I'm 18).
Are there any other short guys who've had these kind of thoughts? Should I learn to accept that I'll never have the opportunity to be a father, so I should stop worrying about it? Or is it a real concern which I will have to confront if I ever were to be a father?
Are there any other short guys who've had these kind of thoughts? Should I learn to accept that I'll never have the opportunity to be a father, so I should stop worrying about it? Or is it a real concern which I will have to confront if I ever were to be a father?
5'6 isn't short! If you really want tall kids then get a tall woman. Height isn't everything. I'm 5 ft, haven't grown since year 6 and am loving life down here! You can still be a good dad without being tall.
Spoiler
My husband is 5 7 and I m very happy that we re almost the same height and I m certainly not worried about any kids we have being "short".
If a child wants to bully someone then that's their issue, they ll pick on someone for whatever reason they can find regardless of height.
If a child wants to bully someone then that's their issue, they ll pick on someone for whatever reason they can find regardless of height.
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