ruined my relationship with my parents?

i argued with my parents recently, and i said some bad stuff, but then a few days later my mother said that my dad says that he doesn't have a child anymore (me). this makes me feel awful, as only last week we were getting along so well. the arguement was really stupid too, but i feel like i wasnt the only one at fault. i was thinking of apologizing but after my mum said that i dont want to anymore. i feel like this is my fault as usually we are fine but sometimes do have arguments, and they do support me in things that i want to do. they are also shouting at me for not tidying up when i would have if they had asked and for not walking my dog, which i do when i have time. also now theyre saying they wont pay for my prom and that they wont go with me on a trip that was planned for me earlier (1 day somewhere, i wont say where for confidentiality). what am I supposed to do? for context i am 16 , and honestly feel awful and dont want to say sorry as theyve really hurt em too. sorry for the rambly post but advice would be appreciated

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

theyve also turned my wifi off which doesnt sound bad but theyve never done before and now i can only do stuff on pc

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

i argued with my parents recently, and i said some bad stuff, but then a few days later my mother said that my dad says that he doesn't have a child anymore (me). this makes me feel awful, as only last week we were getting along so well. the arguement was really stupid too, but i feel like i wasnt the only one at fault. i was thinking of apologizing but after my mum said that i dont want to anymore. i feel like this is my fault as usually we are fine but sometimes do have arguments, and they do support me in things that i want to do. they are also shouting at me for not tidying up when i would have if they had asked and for not walking my dog, which i do when i have time. also now theyre saying they wont pay for my prom and that they wont go with me on a trip that was planned for me earlier (1 day somewhere, i wont say where for confidentiality). what am I supposed to do? for context i am 16 , and honestly feel awful and dont want to say sorry as theyve really hurt em too. sorry for the rambly post but advice would be appreciated

Sorry to hear, given you're 16 and they have (seemingly) estranged you based on what they said, that's pathetic on their part. They need to remember they have a legal obligation to keep you housed until you are legally an adult at 18.

For now though I would just wait it out for a short while and see if things simmer down. We all have arguments with our parents as children and most of the time things do adjust back to how they were.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #2

Sorry to hear, given you're 16 and they have (seemingly) estranged you based on what they said, that's pathetic on their part. They need to remember they have a legal obligation to keep you housed until you are legally an adult at 18.

For now though I would just wait it out for a short while and see if things simmer down. We all have arguments with our parents as children and most of the time things do adjust back to how they were.

yh, i know i am partially responsible as well, but idk if i should apologise or if waiting will make things worse

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

yh, i know i am partially responsible as well, but idk if i should apologise or if waiting will make things worse

At the end of the day you're the child they brought you into this world, it will be in no one's interest if they carry on being hostile towards you.

Apologising shouldn't escalate things further as you are seemingly at rock bottom already, I guess you could argue what have you to lose at this point?

Reply 5

marple

15

You won't have ruined your relationship, it will settle down in time. It does sound as if what you said really upset and hurt your parents. It is very easy to fall into the trap of just seeing parents as authority figures who boss their kids around and are responsible for all the day to day stuff. In reality having to deal with work, money issues and being responsible for a family is hard and stressful. They're only human and you can hurt them as easily as you can hurt your friends or anyone close to you.

Apologising for what you have said/done that was wrong is not accepting that they have nothing to apologise for, it's just acting as an adult and recognising and trying to rectify your contribution to the problem. At 16 it is not unreasonable for them to expect you to contribute consistently to the running of the household. You are as capable as they are of seeing if things need tidying and knowing if the dog needs walking.

hope things settle down soon for you.

Reply 6

AriTem

12

I have arguments with my kids too. Sometimes I have taken their phones of them if it's warranted but always explain why I think it's appropriate. I would never tell my kids I don't want to be their parent anymore unless of course the relationship had broken down beyond all repair once they were adults. I think it's wrong and unfair to guilt trip you that way. You're growing up too and someday you're going to be an adult. Such statements from another adult to me would simply make me question whether I want to spend my time with them. I'm not saying break up with your parents but I think you might say something along the lines of "there are better ways to have a good discussion about this issue than using guilt". Good luck talking to them.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

yh i'll see, I don't really want to apologise because I feel like I'll get angry, but I don't want to carry on like this. I might wait a bit, honestly it's not like they don't let me do things i want, but im not sure if that makes the arguments worse or better, as compared to other people's experiences my parents are angels. i'm not really sure how to approach my father because he is sometimes more understanding but less relatable if you get what I mean?

Reply 8

AriTem

12

It's a generation thing I guess. I really don't think you've ruined your relationship with them. I can't really comment on how long to wait as it will depend on your family dynamics but can't imagine I'd stay angry with my kids for more than a couple of hours if that. You're better placed to decide when you talk to them again and also depends on what triggered the whole thing in the first place of course.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by AriTem

It's a generation thing I guess. I really don't think you've ruined your relationship with them. I can't really comment on how long to wait as it will depend on your family dynamics but can't imagine I'd stay angry with my kids for more than a couple of hours if that. You're better placed to decide when you talk to them again and also depends on what triggered the whole thing in the first place of course.

yeah i'll see about it, I feel like i am overreacting but at the same time it's never really been as bad as this- possibly im saying that because it's half term and im staying at home all the time? i just know that even if i apologise my mother will still bring this up in the future

Reply 10

JDINCINERATOR

21

Original post by Anonymous #1

i argued with my parents recently, and i said some bad stuff, but then a few days later my mother said that my dad says that he doesn't have a child anymore (me). this makes me feel awful, as only last week we were getting along so well. the arguement was really stupid too, but i feel like i wasnt the only one at fault. i was thinking of apologizing but after my mum said that i dont want to anymore. i feel like this is my fault as usually we are fine but sometimes do have arguments, and they do support me in things that i want to do. they are also shouting at me for not tidying up when i would have if they had asked and for not walking my dog, which i do when i have time. also now theyre saying they wont pay for my prom and that they wont go with me on a trip that was planned for me earlier (1 day somewhere, i wont say where for confidentiality). what am I supposed to do? for context i am 16 , and honestly feel awful and dont want to say sorry as theyve really hurt em too. sorry for the rambly post but advice would be appreciated

I reckon your parents could be going through something either individually or together. I think that they want you to use your initiative when it comes to tidying your room, like they shouldn't have to ask you just have to do it. As for taking the dogs for a walk, it's not fair that they're putting that kind of blame on you for not taking them for a walk.

Generally, I don't know what's gotten into them obviously, but you're their son/daughter and you should know how they work, and whether your father will calm down and come to his senses. For him to say he doesn't have a son is messed up though, a completely unreasonable thing to say from the looks of it. Whatever you said may've simply been out of frustration, but whatever bad stuff you said shouldn't stick and anger should dissipate in time.

Perhaps all of this is a sign it's time to evolve yourself and what you want. You can't be hanging around negative influences and you have to look out for yourself before anybody else. Adult life is really really hard, it's vastly different from childhood in more ways than one. You gotta own what you want and take away everything that stops you from making the progress you want, including people if need be.

For now I'd try to get some answers and attempt to settle things down with your father, but if he doesn't want to know ignore him and focus on yourself. If you have to go out there and make a life for yourself you do that and if your parents don't approve you don't need to take their anger and fury. Surround yourself with good influences and you'll prosper, bad ones will drag you down.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

thank you all for the replies! they were quite helpful, I have a clearer idea of what to do now

ruined my relationship with my parents?

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