Hey,
On Saturday I said goodbye to my boyfriend (we were both in tears) as he went off to uni and weren’t going to see each other for a while. On Sunday night he had his initiation night which was the first night of clubbing at which he got horrendously drunk to the point he cannot remember most of the night. An older guy had been invited to his flat and was putting more spirits and people’s drinks and stuff to get them drunker according to another flatmate. That night when all of them got back, he got into his room and collapsed into bed, then a girl from his flat came banging on doors to find him, found his door unlocked and let herself in. No one knows what the series of events were that unfolded except probably the girl because my boyfriend cannot remember, but she got him to have sex with her in the state he was in. He didn’t remember any of it the next morning, or even just after as he texted me goodnight and that he loved me. The next evening he wasn’t going out because he’d already worn himself out so much and had said he wasn’t going to drink nearly as much for the rest of freshers, when the girl in the room next door informed him that she heard what he did the night before. He had no clue what she was talking about and when she told him he broke down. He immediately called me sobbing and crying and apologising, saying he was disgusted with himself and he didn’t know how that could happen when he was so in love with me. The girl doesn’t regret what she did and I know she went after him with that intention, and has slept with another boy since.
I’m making him get tested, we’ve broken up and he’s sent me a letter and my favourite chocolates and he says he’s working on something now and he will try the hardest he possibly can for me to regain his trust. He’s gone dry and won’t be drinking again for as long as it takes. He’s barely left his uni room according to flatmates and hasn’t gone out once since. He never wants to see or speak to the girl again and never really did want to whilst in control of himself in the first place.
I leave for uni in a week and I feel that it is certainly time to have a fresh start considering all of this has happened. I’ve decided to stay broken up with him indefinitely and work on myself and my degree, then maybe meet up with him at Christmas to see how he is, then after the following term. But no getting back together will happen til at least next summer because we need a sustained period of time to see each other consistently and make this work again.
I’m just wondering what other people think of this situation and would do in my shoes. It’s very easy for people to say “drunk isn’t an excuse” and dismiss mine and his feelings like that, but this goes a lot deeper. I want to make it clear that I’m not making excuses for him as this is everything I know that has happened/is happening. We built so much together and have made perfect memories over almost a year, and I knew he was my person because I felt so much for him in just that amount of time.
Thank you for any insights and please be gentle with me. I’m healing.