An older, married man wants me to be his lover

Tell him you don’t want to be involved with a married man because it wouldn’t be fair on his wife.

Reply 2

OP

Original post by Palmyra

Tell him you don’t want to be involved with a married man because it wouldn’t be fair on his wife.

already done that... he says it is his problem and not mine.
To be clear, I won't sleep with him... he needs some support and not sex...

Reply 3

username2950448

Original post by Kathy89

already done that... he says it is his problem and not mine.
To be clear, I won't sleep with him... he needs some support and not sex...

You don’t want to do that to his wife so it is your problem too.

You don’t owe him anything and he should seek professional help, but if you want to be friends to help then make clear those boundaries and make sure he understands that.

Best :smile:

Reply 4

ANM775

Just tell him

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends....."

and take it from there :biggrin:

Reply 5

OP

I dont know if I should.

Reply 6

OP

Original post by ANM775

Just tell him

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends....."

and take it from there :biggrin:

this is what I love about online support forums.

Reply 7

username2393237

You want to help him by sleeping with him? Sorry to be direct, but you should know better than this at 30; I could understand if you were 18. He’s a sleaze who wants to use you for sex; if you’re content with that, then fine. Don’t pursue relationships out of loneliness and never feel obligated to sleep with anyone. You know that this will end in disaster and you’ll feel cheap for helping him to cheat. Aim higher because you’re worth more.

I would tell him tactfully but firmly that you would just like to remain friends. His actions are inappropriate and deeply unprofessional.

Reply 8

OP

Original post by YaliaV

You want to help him by sleeping with him? Sorry to be direct, but you should know better than this at 30; I could understand if you were 18. He’s a sleaze who wants to use you for sex; if you’re content with that, then fine. Don’t pursue relationships out of loneliness and never feel obligated to sleep with anyone. You know that this will end in disaster and you’ll feel cheap for helping him to cheat. Aim higher because you’re worth more.

I would tell him tactfully but firmly that you would just like to remain friends. His actions are inappropriate and deeply unprofessional.

NO!!!! I want to help him by meeting with him and talking... just to know what's wrong and give advice.

I know he's inappropriate, but I think it is more a call for help than wanting to use me. Another reason why I want to meet him.

Reply 9

username2393237

Original post by Kathy89

NO!!!! I want to help him by meeting with him and talking... just to know what's wrong and give advice.

I know he's inappropriate, but I think it is more a call for help than wanting to use me. Another reason why I want to meet him.

I still think it’s emotional cheating and that he’ll keep pestering you. If he really wants to fix his problems, then he should join a gym and get some counselling. You’re playing with fire and this might negatively affect your career if other people find out, even if you never have sex.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

(Original post by Kathy89)I'm almost 30, he's in his 40's.... not big deal....

I work at a contact lenses distributor's company, the guy is an optometrist (shop owner), so he's a client of our company and I'm an agent working with him. We meet once or twice a month, he is very nice guy and I really like talking to him. We sort of helped each other psychologically, friendly support. I sort of opened up to him saying I'm poly and not in a relationship anymore (I was kind of broken than), earlier he said he's getting old, grey hair, loss of vision, getting fatter etc... mid age things, I sort of supported him with his problems, he sort of supported me with mine. Now he says he want to meet, keep saying all kind of compliments to me... At first it seems nice... but a few days ago he actually said it stright. He wants to meet off work, even offered a date.... I gently said that just meeting for a cup of coffee is fine, he started writing to the point stuff and even said dirrectly he wants to meet for sex.

I don't know how to react.... I don't want to have sex with a married guy... I mean I don't want to be any reason for ruining his family i

Original post by Kathy89

I'm almost 30, he's in his 40's.... not big deal....

I work at a contact lenses distributor's company, the guy is an optometrist (shop owner), so he's a client of our company and I'm an agent working with him. We meet once or twice a month, he is very nice guy and I really like talking to him. We sort of helped each other psychologically, friendly support. I sort of opened up to him saying I'm poly and not in a relationship anymore (I was kind of broken than), earlier he said he's getting old, grey hair, loss of vision, getting fatter etc... mid age things, I sort of supported him with his problems, he sort of supported me with mine. Now he says he want to meet, keep saying all kind of compliments to me... At first it seems nice... but a few days ago he actually said it stright. He wants to meet off work, even offered a date.... I gently said that just meeting for a cup of coffee is fine, he started writing to the point stuff and even said dirrectly he wants to meet for sex.

.....

yo don't he's married and he just wants to have sex with u its just like a day and he will leave u and this might affect his family just put ur self in the place of kids or even his wife ....

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

then make some money out of it. seriously if he wants you more than you want him, you would be dumb not to get anything from it. start to charge or get him to buy you nice things or do your shopping. he is a lot older after all, so make him your sugardaddy

Reply 12

bones-mccoy

19

He's on the way to hitting middle age and is starting to notice things going south - greying hair, putting on weight, loss of vision etc - his self esteem is low so he's turning to a younger woman in order to get some validation. Maybe his wife doesn't give him as much attention as he'd like so he's finding it elsewhere.

If you want to help him as a friend, then fine. But I'd keep my distance and not get too involved. You already know his intentions include eventually sleeping with you so always have that at the back of your mind. Tread carefully and watch yourself.

Reply 13

Retired_Messiah

At the end of the day if he's coming onto you, you're no longer rlly in the best position to be offering him constant support seeing as he's gonna try and do the moves. You need some distance here.

Reply 14

k3panda

3

The best way to help here is to keep your distance.

Reply 15

username1539513

Don't shag him you'll break the sis code

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

I’m gonna be direct here. You’re literally asking for it. If you’re going to give him “support” knowing that he has asked you to sleep with him, we all know where this is headed. That’s his goal in the end and he might even felt led on.

Personally, I think it’s creepy because he’s actually being pushy. Avoid! I would have slapped him while at it to be honest, he’s literally planning on cheating.

Your post gives off the vibe that you're not interested regardless of his marital status. Seems clear that it's not a good idea to continue meeting with him.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 18

Oxford Mum