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When the whole world is on Tinder, where do you find a serious partner? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel like you're taking the piss...
    I think he's sincere.

    I'll just throw in my five cents and say that joining groups and getting involved in your local community can work wonders. The whole process of talking to people outside and getting to know them, rather than relying on text and fake emotions is a lot more 'real' and fun.
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    (Original post by MaxReid)
    I think you can find a serious partner on Tinder if you make it clear that that is what you're looking for. I think it's possible to meet a serious partner anywhere (dating websites, Tinder, even real life!).
    Unfortunately that seems to be the OPs problem. To be honest not that many men approach in real life due to the tinderization of the dating. Why would a guy (especially a young one) go up to a woman face to face which is very high risk, when he can sit at home naked and swipe right 100 times and send a 'hy babe' at the end of it which is less personal. Not to mention some guys get accused of harassment and being creeps for approaching women in real life.

    (Original post by stefano865)
    I'm sure many women are saying the same thing. Some guys too.

    The hook-up culture has changed the dating landscape and many men no longer need to acquire girlfriends to have lots of sex.

    This is how it is in your 20s nowadays.

    You will maybe have to date older men if you want something more serious.

    A relationship isn't just about regular access to sex though.

    But anyway I agree that OP should probably aim to date older guys. I would be lucky to meet guy my age who was interested in anything more than casual once a year. Not saying they are not out there but the ones who are I suppose are all snapped up pretty quickly as they are in short supply. I think OPs chances of finding something meaningful will increase by dating guys 30+ who no longer feel the need to spread their seed into every nook and cranny.

    OP, you are not really going to find these guys on tinder or OKcupid in my opinion i.e. on free sites. You need to think a bit more sophisticated and use paid but popular sites like match or eharmony. Of course there's no guarantee but knowing that the other person is a paid member is a big BS-filter and shows they are probably taking it a bit more seriously.
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    Many people find their spouses on Tinder....although that's after they got married.

    No seriously though, I am an advocate of knowing someone in person before moving into dating, personally. It's a hard one.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unfortunately that seems to be the OPs problem. To be honest not that many men approach in real life due to the tinderization of the dating. Why would a guy (especially a young one) go up to a woman face to face which is very high risk, when he can sit at home naked and swipe right 100 times and send a 'hy babe' at the end of it which is less personal. Not to mention some guys get accused of harassment and being creeps for approaching women in real life.



    A relationship isn't just about regular access to sex though.

    But anyway I agree that OP should probably aim to date older guys. I would be lucky to meet guy my age who was interested in anything more than casual once a year. Not saying they are not out there but the ones who are I suppose are all snapped up pretty quickly as they are in short supply. I think OPs chances of finding something meaningful will increase by dating guys 30+ who no longer feel the need to spread their seed into every nook and cranny.

    OP, you are not really going to find these guys on tinder or OKcupid in my opinion i.e. on free sites. You need to think a bit more sophisticated and use paid but popular sites like match or eharmony. Of course there's no guarantee but knowing that the other person is a paid member is a big BS-filter and shows they are probably taking it a bit more seriously.
    Thanks, that makes sense to me but I found eHarmony awful! It was totally dead! I understand the point you're making though. I feel like we are really lacking an app that is designed for people who want serious relationships.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unfortunately that seems to be the OPs problem. To be honest not that many men approach in real life due to the tinderization of the dating. Why would a guy (especially a young one) go up to a woman face to face which is very high risk, when he can sit at home naked and swipe right 100 times and send a 'hy babe' at the end of it which is less personal. Not to mention some guys get accused of harassment and being creeps for approaching women in real life.



    A relationship isn't just about regular access to sex though.

    But anyway I agree that OP should probably aim to date older guys. I would be lucky to meet guy my age who was interested in anything more than casual once a year. Not saying they are not out there but the ones who are I suppose are all snapped up pretty quickly as they are in short supply. I think OPs chances of finding something meaningful will increase by dating guys 30+ who no longer feel the need to spread their seed into every nook and cranny.

    OP, you are not really going to find these guys on tinder or OKcupid in my opinion i.e. on free sites. You need to think a bit more sophisticated and use paid but popular sites like match or eharmony. Of course there's no guarantee but knowing that the other person is a paid member is a big BS-filter and shows they are probably taking it a bit more seriously.

    Agree.

    There are other reasons as well.

    Less pressure from society to settle down and less value attached to 'bringing home the bacon' for your family.

    But the fact that men can get sex so easily now has changed things more than you might think.


    There are plenty of unmarried, childless woman in their 40s+ who are in this position against their wishes.

    In our generation there will no doubt be many more.

    Men are increasingly turning their backs on relationships and marriage.



    http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/20...-end-of-dating

    http://www.theguardian.com/technolog...-twitter-storm

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...TER-LLOYD.html
    • #3
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    Agree.

    There are other reasons as well.

    Less pressure from society to settle down and less value attached to 'bringing home the bacon' for your family.

    But the fact that men can get sex so easily now has changed things more than you might think.


    There are plenty of unmarried, childless woman in their 40s+ who are in this position against their wishes.

    In our generation there will no doubt be many more.

    Men are increasingly turning their backs on relationships and marriage.



    http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/20...-end-of-dating

    http://www.theguardian.com/technolog...-twitter-storm

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...TER-LLOYD.html
    Okay the whole men bringing home the bacon argument doesn't really stand any more when at least nowadays it takes two incomes, not one, to provide for a family. Men are not providers they are co-providers. I don't doubt that was not engineered this way on purpose for the reason of influencing the family unit, doubling taxes collected on a family, and raising the costs of living and property to where one wage is not enough but that is a whole other argument.

    Yes I agree the availability of cheap sex has made things take a turn for the worse. But I don't understand it myself. Just because I could potentially have sex with, let's say, 50 guys per year on tinder doesn't mean that I actually want to do that or that it stops my desire in any way from wanting something meaningful with substance. There is no appeal, value or desire to in sex to me that is cheaper and quicker than McDonalds fast food. But hey that's just me I really don't get it so my bad.

    Yes many guys are turning their back on marriage altogether, but it's not just the 40 year old spinsters that will be in peril. I think a lot of these guys will probably be dying to get married in their 60s although it will probably be too late for them as well as they face increased loneliness and isolation with no family members and friends dying and relocating, not being able to get around or have anyone to help them etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay the whole men bringing home the bacon argument doesn't really stand any more when at least nowadays it takes two incomes, not one, to provide for a family. Men are not providers they are co-providers. I don't doubt that was not engineered this way on purpose for the reason of influencing the family unit, doubling taxes collected on a family, and raising the costs of living and property to where one wage is not enough but that is a whole other argument.

    Yes I agree the availability of cheap sex has made things take a turn for the worse. But I don't understand it myself. Just because I could potentially have sex with, let's say, 50 guys per year on tinder doesn't mean that I actually want to do that or that it stops my desire in any way from wanting something meaningful with substance. There is no appeal, value or desire to in sex to me that is cheaper and quicker than McDonalds fast food. But hey that's just me I really don't get it so my bad.

    Yes many guys are turning their back on marriage altogether, but it's not just the 40 year old spinsters that will be in peril. I think a lot of these guys will probably be dying to get married in their 60s although it will probably be too late for them as well as they face increased loneliness and isolation with no family members and friends dying and relocating, not being able to get around or have anyone to help them etc.

    Yeah.

    I agree with you on a lot of that.

    Just putting thoughts out there.

    There are still many guy that also want that. Many get tired of casual sex and want it with someone they actually love.

    But this tends to happen in the 30s.
    • #3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, that makes sense to me but I found eHarmony awful! It was totally dead! I understand the point you're making though. I feel like we are really lacking an app that is designed for people who want serious relationships.
    Hmm I heard eharmony isn't the best as they match you themselves up and you can't see anyone outside of that. My advice is just keep going and you will get there.

    And I'm not just talking about dating sites/apps they are just one 'tool' but not necessarily the answer. To increase your chances you are really going to have to get active in many ways. I'm talking all kinds of meetups, events, exhibitions, talking to people at cafes and museums, church groups, meditation groups, gym classes... I could go on. Really you are going to have to be quite fearless to do this! As I wrote in another post many men don't approach so often because of the comfort of online dating and the fear of being outed as creeps and harassers so you may have to let them know first that it's okay for them to talk to you with a little smile or something like that. It's going to be scary and you are going to face some rejection but that's part of life.

    I'm in my mid-20s just finishing up a bit of studying at the moment I barely have time to leave the house but after that I'm going to throw myself in the deep end.
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    Is there some sort of TSR dating sub forum?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Is there some sort of TSR dating sub forum?
    No I don't think there is

    Would like there to be and would also like it maybe if everyone had to put pictures of themselves etc to make it more personal but then again this site isn't really for that I guess.
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    Firstly, hardly the whole world is on tinder.
    And as others have said, you can find a serious relationship on tinder, and i know this from experience as i am currently in one 😋
    Yeh there are a lot of people just looking for a hook up, but this is the same for real world. Just make sure you have a number of nice pictures (as in not a load of selfies or all group photos, but photos where you look happy and are smiling) and a bio, and only go for guys who do the same. Dont go for topless guys, they are almost always only after a hookup. Furthermore, as soon as it is obvious they are only after a hookup just stop wasting your time and cut contact.
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    (Original post by LiquidGold)
    Firstly, hardly the whole world is on tinder.
    And as others have said, you can find a serious relationship on tinder, and i know this from experience as i am currently in one 😋
    Yeh there are a lot of people just looking for a hook up, but this is the same for real world. Just make sure you have a number of nice pictures (as in not a load of selfies or all group photos, but photos where you look happy and are smiling) and a bio, and only go for guys who do the same. Dont go for topless guys, they are almost always only after a hookup. Furthermore, as soon as it is obvious they are only after a hookup just stop wasting your time and cut contact.
    Exactly. Good advice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, sounds like a really good read!

    So the general consensus is I just keep looking and hoping? I have been looking for years - I'm worried by the time I find someone my eggs will be dried up and I want kids I'm in my late 20s already.


    I'm not making fun here.


    More and more people are living unconventionally to get the best of 'both worlds'.

    You could live with a girlfriend or two.

    Have children from a sperm donor.

    Have sex and occasionally date men to satisfy your urges.


    Worth considering. Marriage is dying and why does a modern woman actually want a man anyway.



    Spoiler:
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    I'm aware I have completely disregarded practicalities like raising children together. Money. Love and support etc.

    But it is still worth considering other options.
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    How old are you? Serious relationships make no sense, seriously. Just have fun, you don't need to put with the oppressive bourgeoisie boredom of marriage.
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    I'm 28. I've just bought my first home, going to live with a female housemate. Have considered having a baby using a sperm donor but do want someone to share my life with as well. Totally disregarding the idea of that is a bit sad to me because I do want it, it's just men that don't seem to:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 28. I've just bought my first home, going to live with a female housemate. Have considered having a baby using a sperm donor but do want someone to share my life with as well. Totally disregarding the idea of that is a bit sad to me because I do want it, it's just men that don't seem to:
    Calm down you're only 28...


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