Im old, never had a life and don't know whether I'l cope with this

on the plus side, you're self aware in a way that you've identified the problem and on the plus side, that's a lot of power to you already.

I strongly recommend seeking long term counselling. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying and what you're going through isn't unusual.

Ignore the age thing, life's not a race. I'm 21 and I still get over excited from doing things that most people have been comfortable doing for years but they're still quite new to me (i used to have social anxiety and was scared of all kinds of things and had all sorts of panic attacks and did a bit of self harm but now I'm gooooood)

I told you the above because if i can get out of a hole, and it was a pretty big one, you can too.

Know that you're not alone i what you're going through and although it may nto currently feel like it, what you're going through certainly doesn't have to be a forever thing. far from it.

you're still young and you've got a lot of fun to be had infront of you. Get the counselling, really emrbrace it and the the worlds your lobster (counselling helped me massively.

This may sound patronising in a way that doesn't work for you but i mean it in the best possible way when i tell you that people will envy you for enjoying the small things in life once you feel better: after not being able to get on a bus (for eg) with ease, once you're able to it's the best feeling in the world. You've got a lot of excitement ahead of you

Hope this helps

Thanks, Ive been on loads of buses since though and been fine I think it was the thought of having to sit in lectures and cope with the anxiety that made me turn round and go back home. Some days I was confident and fine (usually when it was sunny oddly enough) other days when I was feeling anxious I just thought whats the point in going in and experiencing all the anxiety its not worth it just fo a few lecture notes. It just depends on the day and how I feel its not really a specific anxiety I don't think. Just a fear of feeling trapped (ie in a lecture).