Clubbing alone?

Hi,

I'm stuck in working all day, me and my first ltr bf split up a couple of weeks ago, he's already romancing someone new.
I'm heartbroken, going insane stuck inside all day.
I want to go somewhere new. I want to go to an alternative club in town, and get drunk, and dance like a mad woman, and try and get some male attention to up my confidence. I have never been hit on before, and have been very insecure. Now I want to feel desirable.
I have no friends where I am, as they all moved away after uni. I hung around for a year for my bf because he wanted to do a course. Now we're split up, there is no-one to ask to come with me.

Does anyone have any suggestions to do with anything above - advice on clubbing for someone who has never gone before, how to keep safe on my own, how to handle my grief?

Is it extremely pathetic to go clubbing alone? Is it too dangerous to go on my own?
Is it more pathetic to stay inside because I have no friends?
Is it even worth it if I continue to get no male attention, and leave the club feeling even more undesirable than before?

Thanks

Reply 1

emeritus2011

7

with what has been on the news lately, i wouldnt advice a woman to go clubbing on her own, are you at uni or at work, you might be able to find someone to go with that way.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 2

- Major -

8

a bit sad....to be honest...

Reply 3

francistheswole

12

clubbing alone = nono

Reply 4

s.parian

Go onto chat rooms and join clubs or society to make some new friends, try interent dating websites??? I dont think it would be safe to go clubbing alone tho!

Reply 5

Biker_Chick

2

If you've never been clubbing before then you may find it a bit intimidating going on your own! (though not sure how old you are?). You do want to be careful though as there's always so many guys at clubs who are there just to pull girls and will stand around sipping drinks waiting to pounce, which is why I would always go clubbing in a group so you don't get harassed unneccessarily. Though usually the only way a guy will approach you is if you're on your own anyway - they seem to get intimidated if you're with a group of people, so by hanging around by the bar you will inevitable get guys trying to chat you up!

I would say give it a go, but be responsible with the drinks if you do go on your own as there will be no-one there to make sure you're ok if you do get ridiculously drunk! Wear a sexy dress and some makeup, act confident and you're sure to turn some heads!

Reply 6

Shacks1

Wouldnt you age have a play a large part on all of this I mean you may be past clubbing and you cant exactly talk in a club nowdays.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

I'm 22, but look younger.
From the responses on here.... Seems a lot of people are saying don't go clubbing alone. I think it would be okay if I were to be responsible, but I'd want to get hammered to forget my heartache, so it's probably not such a great plan.
I'm working freelance, from home, so I only contact the clients through emails. So there's no-one I could meet or ask through work. And I've had so much lately, I've been in working 9 till 9 to get it all done. Apart from when I'm on TSR obviously.

Still stuck on what to do. Maybe you're right, and I shouldn't go alone. But I really want to let go. I have so much emotion inside me, and no way to get it out. It's okay for my ex, out at uni with his friends every day. But then, I don't want to end up making a bad judgement because I'm in such a mess emotionally.

Reply 8

CountMancula

11

Don't go on your own.

Reply 9

God Himself

3

I wouldnt say its sad, But I wouldnt go alone. When lads set their sights on a female they'll do anything to get them. I've seen girls pulled in cars, pulled in alleyways etc. If your alone you have'nt got anyone help you. walk or get a taxi with you.

Reply 10

Residue of Spandex

Which town do you live in OP?

Reply 11

Nick Longjohnson

16

Don't do it.

If you want to find a guy, join a gym, or a motor club, or any other place where the vast majority of folks are male.

Larger proportion of males = more competition = you get the better guys. It's what happens at my male dominated uni, anyway.

Reply 12

spocckka

14

This has been done many times before. The general opinion is that it's weird.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Seems like everyone is saying don't do it.

You guys are right.
I'm so pathetic.

I'm just so lonely, and so upset.
No one I know seems to care.
Guess I just wanted to feel something.

But it's not worth doing something I'll end up regretting.

Sorry, not going to say where I live just in case people I know are reading. Pretty unlikely. But it's not a big city like London, it's a town with a reputation of being a bit of a hole.

I guess I just don't rate my chances with the males in an ordinary situation.

Reply 14

Shacks1

I agree other social clubs or ways of meeting people other than clubbing what about your primary school friends that you grew up with or have they all headed off to uni to?

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

They have all gone to uni - my primary/secondary schools were on the other side of the country, and I was always bullied through them anyway, and had no real friends.
Everyone from my University left after they graduated, so I'm left here on my own.

Like I said... I think I have a very low chance of being hit on outside of somewhere where everyone is drunk and horny anyway, and the place is almost pitch black. I've never been approached before, and don't see it happening if I join a gym or martial arts class.

Reply 16

Izzy_1

Your NOT pathetic!!! You just want to go out and have fun & be young, that's normal! & your hurting over a break up without your mates being there with you as a support - it's not easy and not pathetic.

I've just moved due to my bf's job & it does get lonely. I miss my friends loads!!! We chat lots on the phone and I go and see them when I can but it's not the same so I know how you feel.

Ring your mates that have moved and see if they all want a get together reunion- go out clubbing with them & dance your ass off & tell them how crap you feel, they'll be there for you. You could see if you can spend the w/k end with one of them just to get away for a bit?

Or have a look on line - if there are any local clubs to join. I love painting and have joined an art class to meet people. It's nice just to walk into the class and chat about what we've done during the w/k & what's been on telly etc & paint which I love.

Reply 17

Residue of Spandex

I'll hit on you :smile:

Reply 18

noobynoo

6

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,
Does anyone have any suggestions to do with anything above - advice on clubbing for someone who has never gone before, how to keep safe on my own, how to handle my grief?

Here are my tips:

1) You are going to an "alternative club" so there will be lots of other "weird" people like yourself who will be friendly and no doubt some of them came on their own.
2) Best places are ones with DJs or bands where you can just dance near them.
3) If someone asks "are you by yourself" just say "yes I was bored so I came out by myself" and lots of times they will say "come join us then."
4) Places with bands are good to strike up conversations with similar minded people
5) You won't get raped or anything!!! Just get a taxi on the way back. It's no more dangerous than working late at the office.
6) If you meet someone nice get their phone number/facebook don't go home with them without telling anyone where you going.
7) Smile be happy, dance on stage, do whatever you want, try not to sit in a corner being miserable.
8) No-one will know or care you're on your own so don't worry about it.
9) Avoid chavvy nightclubs as they are more judgemental.
10) Talk to girls and boys and you will make friends and they may have attractive friends too!!!
11) Some people travel all round the world by themselves backpacking and that's not weird.
12) Good luck. Let us know how you got on. :smile:

Also

13) "Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet." So really you're not on your own if your in a room of strangers. haha

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by noobynoo

Here are my tips:

1) You are going to an "alternative club" so there will be lots of other "weird" people like yourself who will be friendly and no doubt some of them came on their own.
2) Best places are ones with DJs or bands where you can just dance near them.
3) If someone asks "are you by yourself" just say "yes I was bored so I came out by myself" and lots of times they will say "come join us then."
4) Places with bands are good to strike up conversations with similar minded people
5) You won't get raped or anything!!! Just get a taxi on the way back. It's no more dangerous than working late at the office.
6) If you meet someone nice get their phone number/facebook don't go home with them without telling anyone where you going.
7) Smile be happy, dance on stage, do whatever you want, try not to sit in a corner being miserable.
8) No-one will know or care you're on your own so don't worry about it.
9) Avoid chavvy nightclubs as they are more judgemental.
10) Talk to girls and boys and you will make friends and they may have attractive friends too!!!
11) Some people travel all round the world by themselves backpacking and that's not weird.
12) Good luck. Let us know how you got on. :smile:

Also

13) "Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet." So really you're not on your own if your in a room of strangers. haha

Very helpful post, thanks very much!
I feel much better about going out on my own.
Still a little dubious because of the amount of people saying it's a bad idea.
Thanks also Izzy for being so sympathetic.

Still unsure, but feeling much more secure about going out, as long as I get a taxi back.

Clubbing alone?

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