Acting on bisexuality...
Okay, so I'm bisexual. At twenty, I'm pretty much certain about this. I like girls, I like boys. Thing is, I haven't really done anything with either. I've had girlfriends, but haven't done much with them sexually. I'm also not out to anyone, I've been working my way towards it but wanted to experience more before I was comfortable, and completely sure. What's the point in telling people if I get to a sexual situation and discover... oh dear, I AM STRAIGHT. I'm not, but still.
Anyway, dull first paragraph over, I decided I wanted to try stuff with a guy. Had these feelings for five years or so, just needed to act on them. I've been on this website (some disgusting dirty old perverts, but also surprisingly a lot of nice, young, well-adjusted folks) .. and I started talking to a lad who lived near me (and actually goes to same Uni, although never met) and anyway, last weekend we eventually met up after months of texting and drunken phone calls (nothing dirty). Yes, made sure it was all safe, yadda.
I like him. I think he likes me, we're still texting so that's a good sign. My problem is being so nervous about possibly taking things further, and also if that does happen, letting people know. Now, I'm in no rush in telling my parents anything, but if I did get with this guy, I think it would be hard to hide from my friends, and I wouldn't want to hide it anyway, I'm not ashamed. This is all hypothetical of course, he probably thinks I'm a right tit.
Another concern is.. if *stuff* happened with this lad, that's great, but then I haven't done certain *stuff* with a girl... I worry it would be like quenching my thirst for one thing, but perhaps not for another. Oh I dunno, in a bit of a mess at the moment, in flux I suppose, not knowing what's going to happen. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. Any thoughts? Advice? Abuse? Please, all welcome! Especially the abuse.
Anyway, dull first paragraph over, I decided I wanted to try stuff with a guy. Had these feelings for five years or so, just needed to act on them. I've been on this website (some disgusting dirty old perverts, but also surprisingly a lot of nice, young, well-adjusted folks) .. and I started talking to a lad who lived near me (and actually goes to same Uni, although never met) and anyway, last weekend we eventually met up after months of texting and drunken phone calls (nothing dirty). Yes, made sure it was all safe, yadda.
I like him. I think he likes me, we're still texting so that's a good sign. My problem is being so nervous about possibly taking things further, and also if that does happen, letting people know. Now, I'm in no rush in telling my parents anything, but if I did get with this guy, I think it would be hard to hide from my friends, and I wouldn't want to hide it anyway, I'm not ashamed. This is all hypothetical of course, he probably thinks I'm a right tit.
Another concern is.. if *stuff* happened with this lad, that's great, but then I haven't done certain *stuff* with a girl... I worry it would be like quenching my thirst for one thing, but perhaps not for another. Oh I dunno, in a bit of a mess at the moment, in flux I suppose, not knowing what's going to happen. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. Any thoughts? Advice? Abuse? Please, all welcome! Especially the abuse.
(edited 12 years ago)
Um well don't treat this guy as a sex object just to see whether you are into guys. I'd actually make an effort with him if you like him to see where it might go. If you are going to try this sexual thing with him for the first time you want to be able to trust him. Also tell him how you're feeling because it will make it 10 times easier for you if anything does happen (don't tell him straight away maybe).
If I was you I'd go on a few dates with him and get to know him to see how you feel. Don't worry too much about the not doing anything with a girl part atm, there's no rush to define you're sexuality, you like who you like. If you like this guy, brilliant, if you don't, you don't.
Just take things slow and don't treat either gender differently as it might change your opinion. Also as for telling people, that's the least of your worries. You could tell a good friend if you wanted someone to talk to about it or get it off your chest but for the moment just concentrate on you and have fun.
If I was you I'd go on a few dates with him and get to know him to see how you feel. Don't worry too much about the not doing anything with a girl part atm, there's no rush to define you're sexuality, you like who you like. If you like this guy, brilliant, if you don't, you don't.
Just take things slow and don't treat either gender differently as it might change your opinion. Also as for telling people, that's the least of your worries. You could tell a good friend if you wanted someone to talk to about it or get it off your chest but for the moment just concentrate on you and have fun.
Just relax and go for it with the guy. You can always do more sexual stuff with girls later on.
I can sort of relate as a bisexual female. I have a boyfriend currently and although I've done sexual stuff with girls, I think I'd like to do a bit more before I properly settle down with someone (of either gender). I'm not that bothered by it. I love my boyfriend and he sexually satisfies me. If we do break up though, I wouldn't mind my next relationship being with a girl. Saying that, if I met another great guy, that wouldn't stop me going out with him at all.
I can sort of relate as a bisexual female. I have a boyfriend currently and although I've done sexual stuff with girls, I think I'd like to do a bit more before I properly settle down with someone (of either gender). I'm not that bothered by it. I love my boyfriend and he sexually satisfies me. If we do break up though, I wouldn't mind my next relationship being with a girl. Saying that, if I met another great guy, that wouldn't stop me going out with him at all.
Thanks for the replies!
Jessee, you're absolutely right, I need to see more of him but I think I genuinely do like him, which is good. One concern is he's a bit more, er, open about being gay. Not in an overtly camp way, but in part some mannerisms - this worries me, not that I have a problem with it, but maybe it's me feeling a bit insecure? We went for something to eat, sat right by the window, and I'm sure the waiter thought it was a date, the way he was with us. It's just new for me I guess, hoping with more time I feel more at ease? I think I will tell a friend, I need somebody else to tell these things to!
Kazbian, fellow bi, hello! Really great point actually, I should just get gender totally out of my mind and focus on the person, but if I was with this guy, years down the line, I do think I'd feel as if I was missing out on being with a girl. I'm just going to see how it goes, if it works, then it works right?
Jessee, you're absolutely right, I need to see more of him but I think I genuinely do like him, which is good. One concern is he's a bit more, er, open about being gay. Not in an overtly camp way, but in part some mannerisms - this worries me, not that I have a problem with it, but maybe it's me feeling a bit insecure? We went for something to eat, sat right by the window, and I'm sure the waiter thought it was a date, the way he was with us. It's just new for me I guess, hoping with more time I feel more at ease? I think I will tell a friend, I need somebody else to tell these things to!
Kazbian, fellow bi, hello! Really great point actually, I should just get gender totally out of my mind and focus on the person, but if I was with this guy, years down the line, I do think I'd feel as if I was missing out on being with a girl. I'm just going to see how it goes, if it works, then it works right?
Original post by Smeggles
Okay, so I'm bisexual. At twenty, I'm pretty much certain about this. I like girls, I like boys. Thing is, I haven't really done anything with either. I've had girlfriends, but haven't done much with them sexually. I'm also not out to anyone, I've been working my way towards it but wanted to experience more before I was comfortable, and completely sure. What's the point in telling people if I get to a sexual situation and discover... oh dear, I AM STRAIGHT. I'm not, but still.
Anyway, dull first paragraph over, I decided I wanted to try stuff with a guy. Had these feelings for five years or so, just needed to act on them. I've been on this website (some disgusting dirty old perverts, but also surprisingly a lot of nice, young, well-adjusted folks) .. and I started talking to a lad who lived near me (and actually goes to same Uni, although never met) and anyway, last weekend we eventually met up after months of texting and drunken phone calls (nothing dirty). Yes, made sure it was all safe, yadda.
I like him. I think he likes me, we're still texting so that's a good sign. My problem is being so nervous about possibly taking things further, and also if that does happen, letting people know. Now, I'm in no rush in telling my parents anything, but if I did get with this guy, I think it would be hard to hide from my friends, and I wouldn't want to hide it anyway, I'm not ashamed. This is all hypothetical of course, he probably thinks I'm a right tit.
Another concern is.. if *stuff* happened with this lad, that's great, but then I haven't done certain *stuff* with a girl... I worry it would be like quenching my thirst for one thing, but perhaps not for another. Oh I dunno, in a bit of a mess at the moment, in flux I suppose, not knowing what's going to happen. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. Any thoughts? Advice? Abuse? Please, all welcome! Especially the abuse.
Anyway, dull first paragraph over, I decided I wanted to try stuff with a guy. Had these feelings for five years or so, just needed to act on them. I've been on this website (some disgusting dirty old perverts, but also surprisingly a lot of nice, young, well-adjusted folks) .. and I started talking to a lad who lived near me (and actually goes to same Uni, although never met) and anyway, last weekend we eventually met up after months of texting and drunken phone calls (nothing dirty). Yes, made sure it was all safe, yadda.
I like him. I think he likes me, we're still texting so that's a good sign. My problem is being so nervous about possibly taking things further, and also if that does happen, letting people know. Now, I'm in no rush in telling my parents anything, but if I did get with this guy, I think it would be hard to hide from my friends, and I wouldn't want to hide it anyway, I'm not ashamed. This is all hypothetical of course, he probably thinks I'm a right tit.
Another concern is.. if *stuff* happened with this lad, that's great, but then I haven't done certain *stuff* with a girl... I worry it would be like quenching my thirst for one thing, but perhaps not for another. Oh I dunno, in a bit of a mess at the moment, in flux I suppose, not knowing what's going to happen. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. Any thoughts? Advice? Abuse? Please, all welcome! Especially the abuse.
Best thing to do is to treat them as a person, not just focus on their gender. If you like the guy, then sure, go for it. If you don't like him, then don't just use him for sex to see if it's 'what you like' (ONS's are for that).
If you get with him and you like it, then uhm, you'll probably end up dating him? You've no rush to do something with a girl, so don't rush to leave him just because you feel obliged to.
Best of luck.
Original post by k3ro
Best thing to do is to treat them as a person, not just focus on their gender. If you like the guy, then sure, go for it. If you don't like him, then don't just use him for sex to see if it's 'what you like' (ONS's are for that).
If you get with him and you like it, then uhm, you'll probably end up dating him? You've no rush to do something with a girl, so don't rush to leave him just because you feel obliged to.
Best of luck.
If you get with him and you like it, then uhm, you'll probably end up dating him? You've no rush to do something with a girl, so don't rush to leave him just because you feel obliged to.
Best of luck.
Sorry, but what are ONS's?
did a search, came up with Office for National Statistics.. and I'm assuming you didn't mean that!Again, great advice. I'm focusing too much on GENDER and MAN and WOMAN. I'm just going to see how it goes with him, he's a really nice person at the end of the day so even if nothing does come of it, I think I could have a friend in him. Thanks
Original post by Smeggles
Sorry, but what are ONS's? did a search, came up with Office for National Statistics.. and I'm assuming you didn't mean that!
Again, great advice. I'm focusing too much on GENDER and MAN and WOMAN. I'm just going to see how it goes with him, he's a really nice person at the end of the day so even if nothing does come of it, I think I could have a friend in him. Thanks
did a search, came up with Office for National Statistics.. and I'm assuming you didn't mean that!Again, great advice. I'm focusing too much on GENDER and MAN and WOMAN. I'm just going to see how it goes with him, he's a really nice person at the end of the day so even if nothing does come of it, I think I could have a friend in him. Thanks
One night stand. P: Haha. (Protip: if you're googling slang then stick an 'urban dictionary' in front of it XD)
Yup.
That's a better way of viewing it. Just have fun. 
Original post by Smeggles
Okay, so I'm bisexual. At twenty, I'm pretty much certain about this. I like girls, I like boys. Thing is, I haven't really done anything with either. I've had girlfriends, but haven't done much with them sexually. I'm also not out to anyone, I've been working my way towards it but wanted to experience more before I was comfortable, and completely sure. What's the point in telling people if I get to a sexual situation and discover... oh dear, I AM STRAIGHT. I'm not, but still.
Anyway, dull first paragraph over, I decided I wanted to try stuff with a guy. Had these feelings for five years or so, just needed to act on them. I've been on this website (some disgusting dirty old perverts, but also surprisingly a lot of nice, young, well-adjusted folks) .. and I started talking to a lad who lived near me (and actually goes to same Uni, although never met) and anyway, last weekend we eventually met up after months of texting and drunken phone calls (nothing dirty). Yes, made sure it was all safe, yadda.
I like him. I think he likes me, we're still texting so that's a good sign. My problem is being so nervous about possibly taking things further, and also if that does happen, letting people know. Now, I'm in no rush in telling my parents anything, but if I did get with this guy, I think it would be hard to hide from my friends, and I wouldn't want to hide it anyway, I'm not ashamed. This is all hypothetical of course, he probably thinks I'm a right tit.
Another concern is.. if *stuff* happened with this lad, that's great, but then I haven't done certain *stuff* with a girl... I worry it would be like quenching my thirst for one thing, but perhaps not for another. Oh I dunno, in a bit of a mess at the moment, in flux I suppose, not knowing what's going to happen. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. Any thoughts? Advice? Abuse? Please, all welcome! Especially the abuse.
Anyway, dull first paragraph over, I decided I wanted to try stuff with a guy. Had these feelings for five years or so, just needed to act on them. I've been on this website (some disgusting dirty old perverts, but also surprisingly a lot of nice, young, well-adjusted folks) .. and I started talking to a lad who lived near me (and actually goes to same Uni, although never met) and anyway, last weekend we eventually met up after months of texting and drunken phone calls (nothing dirty). Yes, made sure it was all safe, yadda.
I like him. I think he likes me, we're still texting so that's a good sign. My problem is being so nervous about possibly taking things further, and also if that does happen, letting people know. Now, I'm in no rush in telling my parents anything, but if I did get with this guy, I think it would be hard to hide from my friends, and I wouldn't want to hide it anyway, I'm not ashamed. This is all hypothetical of course, he probably thinks I'm a right tit.
Another concern is.. if *stuff* happened with this lad, that's great, but then I haven't done certain *stuff* with a girl... I worry it would be like quenching my thirst for one thing, but perhaps not for another. Oh I dunno, in a bit of a mess at the moment, in flux I suppose, not knowing what's going to happen. I just needed to get this off my chest I guess. Any thoughts? Advice? Abuse? Please, all welcome! Especially the abuse.
When you think about it, it's silly how some people think you can't be sure of your sexuality until you've tried things out. Nobody tells a heterosexual young adult that they can't possibly know that they're straight unless they've slept with the opposite sex, but people often do this with those who are LGB.
At the end of the day if you have a same sex experience and then think you may actually be straight, well then it's all just part of your development, see it as a learning experience. If you really are worried you could always come out but seek to remain unlabelled, sexual orientation is a large spectrum after all and some people feel that personally they are still unsure which (if any) label suits them.
being bi myself, i know how difficult it can be to be open that you find both sexes attractive, especially as there is this social need to be one or the other sometimes. But as so many have said before, just go have fun, safe fun of course, but don't think you have to be anything just be yourself 
it'll get you further on in life than those looking for definitions of everything
it'll get you further on in life than those looking for definitions of everythingOriginal post by Smeggles
Thanks for the replies!
Jessee, you're absolutely right, I need to see more of him but I think I genuinely do like him, which is good. One concern is he's a bit more, er, open about being gay. Not in an overtly camp way, but in part some mannerisms - this worries me, not that I have a problem with it, but maybe it's me feeling a bit insecure? We went for something to eat, sat right by the window, and I'm sure the waiter thought it was a date, the way he was with us. It's just new for me I guess, hoping with more time I feel more at ease? I think I will tell a friend, I need somebody else to tell these things to!
Jessee, you're absolutely right, I need to see more of him but I think I genuinely do like him, which is good. One concern is he's a bit more, er, open about being gay. Not in an overtly camp way, but in part some mannerisms - this worries me, not that I have a problem with it, but maybe it's me feeling a bit insecure? We went for something to eat, sat right by the window, and I'm sure the waiter thought it was a date, the way he was with us. It's just new for me I guess, hoping with more time I feel more at ease? I think I will tell a friend, I need somebody else to tell these things to!
Trust me, you do kinda get used to the slight feeling of insecurity and that you're slightly the odd people out (speaking as a gay guy) - yeah it's not great, but unless you're in central London or Brighton or somewhere, you are gonna slightly get that feeling, at least at this stage in time. It's probably a good thing to tell a friend so you don't keep it all bottled up inside you and start overthinking it or anything...like others said though, make sure you're being honest with the other guy about how you feel, otherwise he might start to feel like you're hiding something from him.
The only way you can tell about whether you'll 'miss being with a girl' or whatever is to give it a go - everyone's different, and there's only one way to find out! Best of luck, hope it goes well for you
Date who you want to date, shag who you want to shag. Do you see yourself being with this guy long-term, if at all? If not, you'll have plenty of opportunity to bang women. If so, just be glad that you've found someone you feel that way about.
Original post by sweeter than a cherry pie
Date who you want to date, shag who you want to shag. [...]
Marvelous philosophy!
Sure one of the benefits of being bi is that you don't have to make a distinction between men and women? Go out with who you like and do *stuff* with who you like, and when you've had some experience you'll know where your interests lie
Original post by sweeter than a cherry pie
Date who you want to date, shag who you want to shag. Do you see yourself being with this guy long-term, if at all? If not, you'll have plenty of opportunity to bang women. If so, just be glad that you've found someone you feel that way about.
This, so many times over! If everyone lived life according to you this, the world would be a much happier place, with many less repressed, closeted gays...
+rep to you!
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