Is my boyfriend taking me for granted - or just

We've been together five months, and I fell for him, partly, because of how attentive and romantic he was. He really blew me away with cooked meals, and every time we came back to his after being out (for the good first few months) he'd light candles all round the house, and create a lovely atmosphere.

Now, nada. Meanwhile I've stepped the romance up in an attempt to rekindle it on his part, but nothing so far I'm not expecting cooked meals every week, but it's little things like:-

- he always used to ask to see me more in advance, now the planning is slipping to last minute.
- Like I say, he used to 'set the mood' as it were for us sleeping over together - and the week we are going on a date thi w/e is usually the night I stop over. We are going to a thing the next day near to where he lives, so I asked if I should stay (because he hadn't mentioned it)...and his response was 'it'll be easier yeah'. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, but it makes me feel like a convenience.
- Physical appearance - he's started not bothering to shave sometimes when I see him. We went out on a date (with him unshaved) and he commented on how he'd need to sort it out for the day - so he looked 'presentable' for a thing he was going to with friends and family!
- On another date, he didn't even bother to change/have a shower/put on aftershave after working all day...it was a thing I'd been looking forward to for ages/had really done myself up for, and I just felt like he'd made no effort.

Other than this, he still seems to care a lot about me - but as part of the reason I fell for him was his romantic side, I'm a bit off lately.

Taken for granted OR he's comfortable?

Ok, here's the truth about your guy and your situation. You're not going to like this, but I'm going to tell you how it is....

Basically, the 'romantic' personality your boyfriend displayed to you when you first met was just an act. Your boyfriend hasn't changed since he met you....he's simply reverted back to his true self.

Your boyfriend never was romantic. He never was someone who cared about his physical appearance. He never was someone who cooked dinners and did other romantic stuff. All that stuff was just an 'act' he put on in order to attract you....but now what he's 'got you', he no longer feels the need to do all that stuff any more.

Too many guys do this bull****. They put on all this 'fake romance' in order to GET the girl....but once they 'got her', they revert back to their usual, lazy, unremarkable self.

I know this will be hard for you to take....but it's true. Your boyfriend never was anyone special. It was just an act. And you fell for it. You fell in love/were attracted to your boyfriend's false self, not his real self. Now you've seen his real self. The truth always comes out eventually.

This is a mistake too many guys make. They think that once they've 'got' the girl that they can become lazy and not make any effort any more. But life doesn't work like that. By becoming lazy, they end up losing their girlfriends, and then they wonder why they lost her. It was all their own fault they lost her, because they misrepresented themself at the beginning, and then they got too comfortable and too lazy in the relationship.

Getting a girl and keeping a girl are two entirely separate things. It's easy to get a girl....keeping her is harder. Guys get lazy, and it's their own fault. Your boyfriend is just another average guy really; you can and should do better.

Women do the above aswell. Its not a gender thing.

OP i think you need to ask yourself... What do i do for him?

Do you cook him meals? Make an effort?

I would guess the answer is No and YOU have taken him for granted.
Put more effort in and see what happens

Well, the thing is I don't quite think he is just an average guy now

If you look back to my post: 'Meanwhile I've stepped the romance up in an attempt to rekindle it on his part, but nothing so far ';
I have been more romantic since he's stopped being.

You keep telling yourself that. It's amazing how people can 'blind' themselves to a person's faults when you are 'in love' with them.

In truth, he IS just an average guy, it's just that your body is flooded with all these 'attraction' and 'in love' hormones and chemicals which give you the illusion that he's someone 'special'.

The very fact that you had to come onto a forum on the internet asking advice from a bunch of strangers, and you post anonymously and rant about your boyfriend 'changing' speaks volumes. If you were so 'happy' with your boyfriend, you wouldn't be posting here.

Ah didnt see that. I guess the poster saying he is just showing his true self is right then Providing you showed him grattitude through words and actions during when he was romantic / put effort in

Correct. This is why it's better to make a bit of an effort from the outset, but generally just to be yourself

Also, society places a great deal more emphasis on female presentation so whilst he may be appreciative of you making an effort OP, he may not view it as wholly reasonable that he should have to

It's funny, I find the reverse is true, perhaps because I am shamelessly content to simply represent myself, warts and all, from the outset ~ 'struggle to get rid of em'

Ice cold sucker!

Ha.



Most of it sounds like the former, though his comments about you coming over sounded like the later

We've been together five months, and I fell for him, partly, because of how attentive and romantic he was. He really blew me away with cooked meals, and every time we came back to his after being out (for the good first few months) he'd light candles all round the house, and create a lovely atmosphere.

Now, nada. Meanwhile I've stepped the romance up in an attempt to rekindle it on his part, but nothing so far I'm not expecting cooked meals every week, but it's little things like:-

- he always used to ask to see me more in advance, now the planning is slipping to last minute.
- Like I say, he used to 'set the mood' as it were for us sleeping over together - and the week we are going on a date thi w/e is usually the night I stop over. We are going to a thing the next day near to where he lives, so I asked if I should stay (because he hadn't mentioned it)...and his response was 'it'll be easier yeah'. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, but it makes me feel like a convenience.
- Physical appearance - he's started not bothering to shave sometimes when I see him. We went out on a date (with him unshaved) and he commented on how he'd need to sort it out for the day - so he looked 'presentable' for a thing he was going to with friends and family!
- On another date, he didn't even bother to change/have a shower/put on aftershave after working all day...it was a thing I'd been looking forward to for ages/had really done myself up for, and I just felt like he'd made no effort.

Other than this, he still seems to care a lot about me - but as part of the reason I fell for him was his romantic side, I'm a bit off lately.

Taken for granted OR he's comfortable?

Ok, here's the truth about your guy and your situation. You're not going to like this, but I'm going to tell you how it is....

Basically, the 'romantic' personality your boyfriend displayed to you when you first met was just an act. Your boyfriend hasn't changed since he met you....he's simply reverted back to his true self.

Your boyfriend never was romantic. He never was someone who cared about his physical appearance. He never was someone who cooked dinners and did other romantic stuff. All that stuff was just an 'act' he put on in order to attract you....but now what he's 'got you', he no longer feels the need to do all that stuff any more.

Too many guys do this bull****. They put on all this 'fake romance' in order to GET the girl....but once they 'got her', they revert back to their usual, lazy, unremarkable self.

I know this will be hard for you to take....but it's true. Your boyfriend never was anyone special. It was just an act. And you fell for it. You fell in love/were attracted to your boyfriend's false self, not his real self. Now you've seen his real self. The truth always comes out eventually.

This is a mistake too many guys make. They think that once they've 'got' the girl that they can become lazy and not make any effort any more. But life doesn't work like that. By becoming lazy, they end up losing their girlfriends, and then they wonder why they lost her. It was all their own fault they lost her, because they misrepresented themself at the beginning, and then they got too comfortable and too lazy in the relationship.

Getting a girl and keeping a girl are two entirely separate things. It's easy to get a girl....keeping her is harder. Guys get lazy, and it's their own fault. Your boyfriend is just another average guy really; you can and should do better.

look at all the **** you need him to do. when all he needs is you.

I'm not interested in a girl who needs to be fed fantasy on a endless basis.

Romance isn't faking, but if she can't deal with her boyfriend in a more comfortable phase/setting then that is her problem.

She is free to look elsewhere if she is simply after the choreographed dance of fantasy. You make it sound as if being yourself and feeling you can be yourself with someone is a bad thing.

This is the real world and things cannot be Titanic like romance story 24/7. If he is neglecting her needs that is one thing but if she is simply unable to deal with the changes in a relationship beyond the first honeymoon period like conditions then so be it. But hardly the boyfriends sole problem.

Do you think so? I wonder how hewould feel, if I stopped making the effort, physically and otherwise.

i think if he did he would lt you know. i bet half the things you do? he would'nt really notice for a while if you had stopped doing them.