Why do guys never approach me am I intimidating or unattractive?

I'm 20 so for a while I've noticed whenever I'm out in a bar or club anything I rarely get approached by guys. Now usually I don't pay too much attention to guys as I usually just focus on spending time with friends then getting off with some guy in a club. Guys do approach my friends but never me. I know I do feel awkward a lot of the time in clubs as I don't really know anyone and just speak to friends and only after a few drinks I relax and have fun more. Even on the dancefloor I don't really get approached either but again I feel slightly awkward I'm just not into the whole club scene really it makes me feel awkward but I do like it to an extent . Once my friends friend who didn't know me at the time randomly asked me if I'm shy which I can be at times. I do get guys who randomly try to kiss me sometimes and I walk away thats it really.

Usually I'm not the type of girl to dress with everything on show either I wear a nice dress or tops with shorts or some kind of skirts. wear loads of fake tan, plaster on my make up. I go gym a few times a week to keep fit.

I did have success to an extent on a dating website joined for about 2-3months met up with about 7-8 guys. Only one or two were terrible the rest were okay but only liked 1/2 out of all those guys and they didn't contact me again anyway. I was talkative, I don't know if it was my body language. Another guy who I didn't meet up with but was after more when I said I wasn't looking for that he said "yeah I thought you might say that you seem classy" and continued talking to me and respected me I guess.

I'm not totally shy either like I'm really talkative with my trainer or anyone else like hairdressers etc. I make an effort to get to know them and even in a concert queue I've started talking to people and being friendly.

What could I be doing wrong that I can't attract any guys?or would I be seen as intimidating if I'm not as outgoing as my friends? or my overall body language?

Reply 1

Historicity

20

Original post by Anonymous

. wear loads of fake tan, plaster on my make up.

Here is your problem.

Reply 2

natninja

21

Original post by Anonymous

[I?] wear loads of fake tan, plaster on my make up.

You sound like a lovely person :smile:

but overdoing the make-up and fake tan can be really unattractive... (I presume you meant you do that as that is what your post suggests).

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Historicity

Here is your problem.

Oh no typo I meant to say I don't wear lots of fake tan and plaster on my make up. I keep it natural ish either emphasizing my eyes or lips.

Reply 4

Truflais

20

Having not seen you, I cannot say whether you're unattractive or not. So, I'll assume you're attractive. Perhaps you seem intimidating or uninterested and guys assume they won't have a chance with you. :dontknow:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

I am always awkward in club situations the standing around usually if there is many to talk to or some I go with know loads of others and would go off to people.
I did okay on the dating site I guess but I didn't act awkward or shy when I met any of them.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Maybe the club scene is just not right for me? as I don't feel too comfortable there even when I feel like I'm looking my best I still feel uncertain about myself at times.

Reply 7

ZRO

19

Original post by Anonymous

Maybe the club scene is just not right for me? as I don't feel too comfortable there even when I feel like I'm looking my best I still feel uncertain about myself at times.

Hmm yeah that could be or your giving off a vibe that your not confident etc, like you said, you have walked a way from guys etc. We can't say your unattractive as we haven't seen you.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 8

Willum Infanta

Original post by Anonymous

Maybe the club scene is just not right for me? as I don't feel too comfortable there even when I feel like I'm looking my best I still feel uncertain about myself at times.

Alcohol is your friend :colone:

Reply 9

__Student__

Keep the natural look

Reply 10

Baraf

8

How can you be 20 years old and be this insecure, hmm, maybe you should forget about looks for a second and think about building some confidence first.

there is nothing more attractive than a chick who is confident, men don't like the over the top feminist type though, but definitely not the insecure type either.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

I guess it possibly is the whole body language thing since I did meet a few guys off a dating site. I usually am engaged in the conversation and that but I usually won't try and touch them really.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Baraf

How can you be 20 years old and be this insecure, hmm, maybe you should forget about looks for a second and think about building some confidence first.

there is nothing more attractive than a chick who is confident, men don't like the over the top feminist type though, but definitely not the insecure type either.

it generally depends where I am in certain places and who I'm with .
Usually in clubs I'm not too confident and feel awkward anywhere else I'm more talkative and feel more relaxed . I'm quite in between I can be confident but other times shy, I'm pretty independent. I wouldn't ever openly put myself down either so no one would really know as I'm generally positive and optimistic.

Reply 13

Baraf

8

Original post by Anonymous

it generally depends where I am in certain places and who I'm with .
Usually in clubs I'm not too confident and feel awkward anywhere else I'm more talkative and feel more relaxed . I'm quite in between I can be confident but other times shy, I'm pretty independent. I wouldn't ever openly put myself down either so no one would really know as I'm generally positive and optimistic.

if you feel awkward then you probably not having a good time and also is displayed in your body language, maybe that deteres guys from approuching you, but honestly if you a decent looking las most guys will probably make a move anyway. :colone:

Reply 14

username728604

2

[QUOTE=Anonymous;42801380 when I said I wasn't looking for that he said "yeah I thought you might say that you seem classy" and continued talking to me and respected me I guess

This is why. You don't come across as easy so obviously you won't get approached as much on a night out. This isn't a bad thing and will work in your favour with older 'classier' guys which you'd probably prefer anyway.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Nomes89

This is why. You don't come across as easy so obviously you won't get approached as much on a night out. This isn't a bad thing and will work in your favour with older 'classier' guys which you'd probably prefer anyway.

Hmm that must be why I mainly attract older guys as well if someone was to chat me up or even on the dating site most guys were 22-27 that messaged me.
Isit my look that would seem classy? or my attitude?
My friends who do get approached they're more open and fun but one has a boyfriend and is really pretty anyway.

Reply 16

Doctor Dolittle

Stop going gym, maybe you're too DENCH

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

I might try the dating site again I didn't put too much effort in when I joined the first time I didn't think I'd get messaged at all.

Reply 18

desdemonata

19

To be honest, what I've found is that guys don't look at you twice if you don't wear a lot of makeup/a tight dress in a nightclub. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive or that you're intimidating, but the kind of girl wearing a dress that shows herself off is going to draw attention, especially someplace like a club.

You sound a lot like me. I have gotten attention in clubs only a few times. Every guy that's ever shown more than a passing 3 second interest in me has been a friend, so someone who actually knows me, or someone I met online ( :rolleyes:

), so also someone whose first impression of me is going to be, for example on TSR, my posts on here. So I wouldn't stress yourself out about this, but I'd only go to the club if you feel like a fun night out with your friends and drinking, and try to meet guys other places :smile:

Reply 19

Truflais

20

Original post by desdemonata

To be honest, what I've found is that guys don't look at you twice if you don't wear a lot of makeup/a tight dress in a nightclub. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive or that you're intimidating, but the kind of girl wearing a dress that shows herself off is going to draw attention, especially someplace like a club.

Really? See I've found the opposite with me - when I wear more natural makeup and a less skanky dress I've gotten a lot more attention in clubs. Possibly because I look like a drag queen with a lot of makeup. A friend of mine even went dressed in old jeans and converse once and I've never seen someone get so much attention :lol:

But I do agree with you to an extent - and IMO you shouldn't be disappointed about not getting attention in clubs OP, they're rarely the kind of men you'll start lasting relationships with anyway :redface:

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(edited 10 years ago)

Why do guys never approach me am I intimidating or unattractive?

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