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I trust my girlfriend but I looked through her phone due to paranoia :(
My girlfriend and I have been going out for just under two months and things are great except for 1 thing.
I atm am overanalyzing everything and scrutinizing every little thing ... I was in bed a few weeks ago with she got a message from this guy saying he loves her, would love to sleep with her if she was single and how she make shim so horny (this guy said ... I didnt say anything at the time but I can't help not thinking about it.
but the feeling didnt go and I ended up checking through her phone today and I felt awful at the time and do so now but apparently the guys mate was texting her these comments... ive met the guy so i dunno why he'd say those things to her...
but I also found messages from a guy she must of been sleeping with a year ago ... i know i'm with her but i think the fact that she was basically who i lost my virginity to (shes 19, i'm 22) i just feel crap cos she has had a sexual past before meeting me which is so stupid to be jealous over ...
Can people please give me some advice to beat my silly insecurities cos i pretty much love this girl...
I atm am overanalyzing everything and scrutinizing every little thing ... I was in bed a few weeks ago with she got a message from this guy saying he loves her, would love to sleep with her if she was single and how she make shim so horny (this guy said ... I didnt say anything at the time but I can't help not thinking about it.
but the feeling didnt go and I ended up checking through her phone today and I felt awful at the time and do so now but apparently the guys mate was texting her these comments... ive met the guy so i dunno why he'd say those things to her...
but I also found messages from a guy she must of been sleeping with a year ago ... i know i'm with her but i think the fact that she was basically who i lost my virginity to (shes 19, i'm 22) i just feel crap cos she has had a sexual past before meeting me which is so stupid to be jealous over ...
Can people please give me some advice to beat my silly insecurities cos i pretty much love this girl...
There isn't much you can do really. But remember why you're with her, and that you don't want to mess things up. Think about it if it were in the reverse situation and she didn't trust you - you might feel pretty ****.
If it gets really bad, talk to her and if she likes you she'll understand.
Just give it time, and best of luck
If it gets really bad, talk to her and if she likes you she'll understand.
Just give it time, and best of luck
Talk to her about it before you get caught snooping through her phone.
You can't claim to trust someone whilst simultaneously admitting that you've seriously invaded their privacy, with the express intention of learning more about her sexual past.
Not only did you betray her trust, but you also acted entirely counter-productively: if details about previous partners was going to upset you, then reading texts they exchanged was only going to make you visualise something you couldn't handle all the more vividly.
So step one: don't look at her phone again. Ever. Step two: as time goes on you'll either think about this issue less or become even more obsessed. If the latter, break up with her. If the former, problem solved. The way to make the former most likely is to train yourself not to think about it. Easier said than done, but since this problem exists entirely in your mind, that's all you can do.
I suspect this is a common problem for people whose only partner is much more experienced than they are. Ultimately you have to get over it. If the relationship doesn't work out, by the time you've had more partners yourself, you'll see that it's a very unnecessary thing to get worked up over anyway.
Not only did you betray her trust, but you also acted entirely counter-productively: if details about previous partners was going to upset you, then reading texts they exchanged was only going to make you visualise something you couldn't handle all the more vividly.
So step one: don't look at her phone again. Ever. Step two: as time goes on you'll either think about this issue less or become even more obsessed. If the latter, break up with her. If the former, problem solved. The way to make the former most likely is to train yourself not to think about it. Easier said than done, but since this problem exists entirely in your mind, that's all you can do.
I suspect this is a common problem for people whose only partner is much more experienced than they are. Ultimately you have to get over it. If the relationship doesn't work out, by the time you've had more partners yourself, you'll see that it's a very unnecessary thing to get worked up over anyway.
Of course she has a past. Talk to her about it, without accusing her, and tell her how you feel. Possibly don't admit to reading through her phone, but just say the message she received made you feel a bit uncomfortable.
I receive texts like that on occasion.. sometimes they're being serious and at other times someone will have got hold of their phone. But I just laugh it off and say "lol thanks" and always show them to my partner. And, because he trusts me, he thinks they're funny too!
You really need to learn to relax. Nothing's worse than a paranoid partner, as it can go to the extreme and leave you both pretty miserable.
I receive texts like that on occasion.. sometimes they're being serious and at other times someone will have got hold of their phone. But I just laugh it off and say "lol thanks" and always show them to my partner. And, because he trusts me, he thinks they're funny too!
You really need to learn to relax. Nothing's worse than a paranoid partner, as it can go to the extreme and leave you both pretty miserable.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
She's 22, of course she has a past. Talk to her about it, without accusing her, and tell her how you feel. Possibly don't admit to reading through her phone, but just say the message she received made you feel a bit uncomfortable.
I receive texts like that on occasion.. sometimes they're being serious and at other times someone will have got hold of their phone. But I just laugh it off and say "lol thanks" and always show them to my partner. And, because he trusts me, he thinks they're funny too!
You really need to learn to relax. Nothing's worse than a paranoid partner, as it can go to the extreme and leave you both pretty miserable.
I receive texts like that on occasion.. sometimes they're being serious and at other times someone will have got hold of their phone. But I just laugh it off and say "lol thanks" and always show them to my partner. And, because he trusts me, he thinks they're funny too!
You really need to learn to relax. Nothing's worse than a paranoid partner, as it can go to the extreme and leave you both pretty miserable.
She's 19. He's 22.
Original post by chelseafan
She's 19. He's 22.
Oops, that'll teach me to skim read haha, thanks.
I don't know how pretty she is, but let's assume shes above average. Men are going to hit on her constantly; even guys from the past. If she acts strange, deviates from usual behaviour; then yes, you can have a right to be suspicious.
Other than that, you're going to have to get over it. If you become too paranoid you may drive her away.
However, you should question her on the ex constantly conversing with her. They wouldn't do that unless she was replying back.
Other than that, you're going to have to get over it. If you become too paranoid you may drive her away.
However, you should question her on the ex constantly conversing with her. They wouldn't do that unless she was replying back.
(edited 10 years ago)
I don't think it will be go down well if I told her but I will mention to her the text from that guys friend because I should have at the time.
I do feel awful ... I've felt so guilty since as she's never the type to cheat.
I have been left twice before by girls who I had been seeing so it makes it very difficult trust anyone let alone someone who I love and I'd never do anything to hurt...
Is it a good idea wanting to know about her past or is better left dead and buried?
I do feel awful ... I've felt so guilty since as she's never the type to cheat.
I have been left twice before by girls who I had been seeing so it makes it very difficult trust anyone let alone someone who I love and I'd never do anything to hurt...
Is it a good idea wanting to know about her past or is better left dead and buried?
Just ask her about it... communication is the most important thing in your relationship.
No point being paranoid and wondering and assuming when you can talk to her directly... good luck
No point being paranoid and wondering and assuming when you can talk to her directly... good luck
Original post by Queen_Victoria
I don't know how pretty she is, but let's assume shes above average. Men are going to hit on her constantly; even guys from the past. If she acts strange, deviates from usual behaviour; then yes, you can have a right to be suspicious.
Other than that, you're going to have to get over it. If you become too paranoid you may drive her away.
However, you should question her on the ex constantly conversing with her. They wouldn't do that unless she was replying back.
Other than that, you're going to have to get over it. If you become too paranoid you may drive her away.
However, you should question her on the ex constantly conversing with her. They wouldn't do that unless she was replying back.
I looked and she only replied when he texted but that last happened over a month ago ... I have no idea if they were sexual but from her texts saying times have changed I read in to that as they had been sexual (this happened a month before we were official)
Original post by MissBlackstar
Just ask her about it... communication is the most important thing in your relationship.
No point being paranoid and wondering and assuming when you can talk to her directly... good luck
No point being paranoid and wondering and assuming when you can talk to her directly... good luck
I will after Christmas if I still feel the same as doing it by text can end badly I feel...
Original post by Anonymous
I looked and she only replied when he texted but that last happened over a month ago ... I have no idea if they were sexual but from her texts saying times have changed I read in to that as they had been sexual (this happened a month before we were official)
As you said "before you were official"; you cannot hold her to that. I have been on dates and dated other women, but if I then liked a woman more, than I would cut the others off.
She wasn't sure if you were ideal and now she does. I believe she is not cheating on you.
I'd say let sleeping dogs lie and DON'T tell her since it was just once.....before you were official. If you confront her, she'll know you've been snooping and feel you do not trust her.....and then cheat
Looking through your partners phone is always a bad idea. No good can come from it.
Girls receive attention whether they like it or not all the time. One of the best things to do is to try to make her feel comfortable about telling you about such things.
For example as another user has posted her and her bf laugh at guys that do this to her. Thus she is comfortable enough to tell him about them = she likes him more = no cheating.
Getting angry/jealous/whatever about something that isn't really her fault = she feels uncomfortable about telling you = the "naughtiness" of those texts becomes more apparent = breakup/cheating more likely to occur.
Girls receive attention whether they like it or not all the time. One of the best things to do is to try to make her feel comfortable about telling you about such things.
For example as another user has posted her and her bf laugh at guys that do this to her. Thus she is comfortable enough to tell him about them = she likes him more = no cheating.
Getting angry/jealous/whatever about something that isn't really her fault = she feels uncomfortable about telling you = the "naughtiness" of those texts becomes more apparent = breakup/cheating more likely to occur.
Original post by Knighted
Looking through your partners phone is always a bad idea. No good can come from it.
Girls receive attention whether they like it or not all the time. One of the best things to do is to try to make her feel comfortable about telling you about such things.
For example as another user has posted her and her bf laugh at guys that do this to her. Thus she is comfortable enough to tell him about them = she likes him more = no cheating.
Getting angry/jealous/whatever about something that isn't really her fault = she feels uncomfortable about telling you = the "naughtiness" of those texts becomes more apparent = breakup/cheating more likely to occur.
Girls receive attention whether they like it or not all the time. One of the best things to do is to try to make her feel comfortable about telling you about such things.
For example as another user has posted her and her bf laugh at guys that do this to her. Thus she is comfortable enough to tell him about them = she likes him more = no cheating.
Getting angry/jealous/whatever about something that isn't really her fault = she feels uncomfortable about telling you = the "naughtiness" of those texts becomes more apparent = breakup/cheating more likely to occur.
I think I'm gonna just deal with my insecurities the best I can... I am going to see a walk in counsellor at my university today ... In never looking through her phone again as I'm never going to like any guy texting her tbh... It may sound OTT but that is how I feel
. I want to let her know that there is this otherwise to the was I behave (insecurities) but I don't wanna drive her away ...
Original post by Anonymous
I will after Christmas if I still feel the same as doing it by text can end badly I feel...
Definitely do not do it by text. Make sure you're face to face, the mood is light and then casually ask her about him, and see how she responds and take it from there... I'm sure she'll be able to put your mind at ease and if not then just tell her how you really feel about her speaking to this guy...
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