Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Hi guys,

I'd like to get some advice about something concerning morality and friendship.

Here's the story;i've been in love with a girl for years, and i've talked many times about that to a very good friend, and he used to help me with that.

Being shy at that time, I only flirted a bit in the end but that was it: we lost contact. My friend continued to talk to me about that girl sometimes when we met, and I used to say nothing was happening, I had forgotten her. (He knew i was lying, as I still loved her for a couple of months after we lost contact, but I did not tell)

Two years later, that friend and I are discussing about random stuff, and he tells me she snapchats him! She suddenly "appeared" on his snapchat,(by magic?) and "sends him some snapchats", but "that's all." (I consider this to be wrong, or only partly the truth: it can't just be that.)

The things is that he can lie, he does not want me to know as he thinks I still love her, but I'm pretty sure they exchanged their phone number, and maybe more. I asked him if he would go out with her, he responded "only if i'm sure you don't feel anything for her. If that's the case, and there is a possibility, then why not." He once told me that she "was not sleeping the first night". How could he knew that, if he had not previously tried to do it?

Here's the deal: I try to question that friend in order to know if he flirts with the girl or something, not for HER, but is that friend betraying ME?

The thing is that he does not want to say much about that, and I cannot know if the girl did everything by herself to try to contact him (which would be fine), and if it is the exact opposite: in that case, would it be a betrayal, given the situation descripted above?

Let things be clear, I don't care about that girl anymore, but I need to know if I'm betrayed by that friend or is what he is doing perfectly fine?

What do you guys think? it's serious btw!

Thanks
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Arkasia
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If you say you don't like her anymore, then no, he is not betraying you. Even if you did like her you cannot really 'claim' her, she is not a prize, she is an individual. What he is doing may be breaking the bro code (only if he knows 100% you still like her, and he is definitely doing stuff with her), but it is not betrayal.
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Caedus
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I don't think he's betraying you in the least. I once did my friend over by sleeping with a girl he fancied and he never forgave me. I thought it was quite an overreaction, however, as he's held the grudge for a number of years and we've barely spoken since. As the above poster said: she's not yours to claim.
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User1214833
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(Original post by BenAssirati)
If you say you don't like her anymore, then no, he is not betraying you. Even if you did like her you cannot really 'claim' her, she is not a prize, she is an individual. What he is doing may be breaking the bro code (only if he knows 100% you still like her, and he is definitely doing stuff with her), but it is not betrayal.
Yes, but there are plenty of other girls he could have seen.

I suppose it's borderline, but I would probably view it as a betrayal of sorts. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks though.
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Arkasia
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(Original post by qwertyking)
Yes, but there are plenty of other girls he could have seen.

I suppose it's borderline, but I would probably view it as a betrayal of sorts. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks though.
There are, but maybe he likes her? You can't just pick and choose who you romantically feel attached to. It is not borderline, he did not betray him. OP said he didn't like her, and his friend then went for her.
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User1214833
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(Original post by Caedus)
I don't think he's betraying you in the least. I once did my friend over by sleeping with a girl he fancied and he never forgave me. I thought it was quite an overreaction, however, as he's held the grudge for a number of years and we've barely spoken since. As the above poster said: she's not yours to claim.
It's interesting that you phrased it like that. If you had really liked her, then that would be something else. If you hurt your friend for a quick shag, then you weren't much of a friend to begin with.
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Caedus
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(Original post by qwertyking)
It's interesting that you phrased it like that. If you had really liked her, then that would be something else. If you hurt your friend for a quick shag, then you weren't much of a friend to begin with.
Well, I did give him an entire year to do something about it. At the time we all worked in the same supermarket, you see. The girl in question was constantly flirting with me each time we had a shift together - there really wasn't much of a chance that we wouldn't sleep together. Anyway, at the point things started happening, my friend was already seeing another girl. So, if anything, he was morally ambiguous, not me!
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks everyone for those replies.

So if I resume, some of you consider this to be betrayal, some don't, and some think it's "kind of" betrayal.

To tell the truth, I still don't know if he has been across the borderline or not :/
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by IHTWFR)
Betrayal.

Don't listen to the above posters because they clearly have no morals.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Hello! Why do you say betrayal for sure? Thanks
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by qwertyking)
Yes, but there are plenty of other girls he could have seen.

I suppose it's borderline, but I would probably view it as a betrayal of sorts. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks though.
But do you think I can morally condemn this, given the fact that I have no real proof!

He has her snapchat, that's all I know, and she sends him photos. He says he does nothing when I ask him, i don't know if this is true, i got no proof ... what do you think of that?

thanks for your help
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Knighted
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But do you think I can morally condemn this, given the fact that I have no real proof!

He has her snapchat, that's all I know, and she sends him photos. He says he does nothing when I ask him, i don't know if this is true, i got no proof ... what do you think of that?

thanks for your help
Honestly, no you can't. You're very petty and paranoid at the moment. First of all, you don't own her nor does she or your mate owe you anything because "you saw her first" and are in "love" with her.

If you want to find out the truth stop debating/overthinking it with yourself and people on forums. It'd be best for you to just ask your mate straight forward if he likes her. Respect him and he'll give respect back. Being sneaky, undermining so you can discover the "betrayal" and act all dramatic is just pointless and will get you nothing.

Personally to me it feels like you're butthurt about this girl possibly fancying your friend over you.

P.S. Saying you're in love with a girl before you've had any actual real-life relationship type experiences with her is actually offensive and attractive to her.
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