My ex logs on to Facebook 4 times a day after she broke up with me?
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Original post by onehunned
I think she has feelings for me because it shows she thinks about me everyday, so I agree with you. But should I just let it be and let her message me? Or will she just move on if I let it be...
You are suffering from what is known as 'confirmation bias.' This is often experienced by people who have recently broken up with their bf/gf. Basically, you want to find some evidence to support your preset conclusion that she misses you and wants you back, so you draw this 'evidence' from ambiguous circumstances, where they are most likely the product of some other motive. This is an easy trap to fall in, as I did after my ex broke up with me. Lost what little dignity I felt I had left several months after the breakup after I jumped on some 'signal' I thought she gave me, when it was all in my head. If she wanted me back she would have just said so.
Take it from us who can see it from a more objective view, from what you told us, she is simply being nosy. That's it. I know it's easier said than done, but you just need to drop your hopes of a romantic relationship with her and move on. People are often nosy about how their ex partners are getting on after their breakup, it gives them a sense of self importance and/or validation if they are doing 'better', so to speak.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by The Good Doctor
You are suffering from what is known as 'confirmation bias.' This is often experienced by people who have recently broken up with their bf/gf. Basically, you want to find some evidence to support your preset conclusion that she misses you and wants you back, so you draw this 'evidence' from ambiguous circumstances, where they are most likely the product of some other motive. This is an easy trap to fall in, as I did after my ex broke up with me. Lost what little dignity I felt I had left several months after the breakup after I jumped on some 'signal' I thought she gave me, when it was all in my head. If she wanted me back she would have just said so.
Take it from us who can see it from a more objective view, from what you told us, she is simply being nosy. That's it. I know it's easier said than done, but you just need to drop your hopes of a romantic relationship with her and move on. People are often nosy about how their ex partners are getting on after their breakup, it gives them a sense of self importance and/or validation if they are doing 'better', so to speak.
Take it from us who can see it from a more objective view, from what you told us, she is simply being nosy. That's it. I know it's easier said than done, but you just need to drop your hopes of a romantic relationship with her and move on. People are often nosy about how their ex partners are getting on after their breakup, it gives them a sense of self importance and/or validation if they are doing 'better', so to speak.
Yeah I guess you're right. What effect would changing my password have though? Will it force her to move on or will it make her more anxious and curious?
Original post by onehunned
Yeah I guess you're right. What effect would changing my password have though? Will it force her to move on or will it make her more anxious and curious?
The effect on her shouldn't be your concern, though understandably it's not that easy to just stop caring, the point is to do exactly that, in the long run. Focus as little on her as humanely possible, try just to focus on yourself. Go out with friends, talk to other girls, keep your social life active, engage in hobbies.
I would suggest completely removing any evidence of her from your life and just not contacting her. This will help you move on much faster.
(edited 9 years ago)
Even though it hurts to admit, I think she just enjoyed the attention I gave her by messaging her for a over a month after she said she lost feelings, and when I finally stopped, she began wondering where this confidence-booster went. Hopefully by not doing anything she might realize that I'm not as weak as I used to be.
Does anyone know if this may be an indication that the no contact rule is working/in the process of working?
Does anyone know if this may be an indication that the no contact rule is working/in the process of working?
Change your password, my friend, she's checking up on you. I'd find that pretty intrusive myself. Plus it's oddly one sided - she changed her password immediately so you couldn't access her account but she still accesses yours? Nah, change your password and move on 
[QUOTE=Dr DaMan;50466335]She's not interested, she's nosy.
She's obviously 'interested' in who he's emailing ... maybe not him personally.
She's obviously 'interested' in who he's emailing ... maybe not him personally.
Original post by The Good Doctor
You are suffering from what is known as 'confirmation bias.' This is often experienced by people who have recently broken up with their bf/gf. Basically, you want to find some evidence to support your preset conclusion that she misses you and wants you back, so you draw this 'evidence' from ambiguous circumstances, where they are most likely the product of some other motive. This is an easy trap to fall in, as I did after my ex broke up with me. Lost what little dignity I felt I had left several months after the breakup after I jumped on some 'signal' I thought she gave me, when it was all in my head. If she wanted me back she would have just said so.
Take it from us who can see it from a more objective view, from what you told us, she is simply being nosy. That's it. I know it's easier said than done, but you just need to drop your hopes of a romantic relationship with her and move on. People are often nosy about how their ex partners are getting on after their breakup, it gives them a sense of self importance and/or validation if they are doing 'better', so to speak.
Take it from us who can see it from a more objective view, from what you told us, she is simply being nosy. That's it. I know it's easier said than done, but you just need to drop your hopes of a romantic relationship with her and move on. People are often nosy about how their ex partners are getting on after their breakup, it gives them a sense of self importance and/or validation if they are doing 'better', so to speak.
Whilst I agree somewhat with your post, you have to wonder WHY is she being nosy?
If she really did not care for him at all, she wouldn't be going on his FB in the first place. What's there to be nosy about?
Of course, we can see it from a MORE objective view, but that doesn't mean our advice is truly well-informed; we don't know the ins and outs of his (past) relationship with her, what's been said, what's happened etc. So he needs to take the advice with a pinch of salt.
From what I've read, the fact you stopped contacting her for two-weeks would change the dynamics of the situation. For her to, then, check your FB, I can't help but feel if she's checking to see if you have truly moved on with someone else.
If I was in your shoes, I'd be upfront with her. I'd tell her that I know she's been checking my Facebook, and I'd ask her why if she isn't interested? See what her response is- if she still says she isn't interested, then change the password and move on. Stop being messed around.
Change your pass, then change her pass so she can't log in, and be a dick to everyone on her Facebook.
Or just... I dunno, change your password again and leave her alone?
Just ring her and say, "look, do you want the D or just the P(assword)?"
That's the only way you get answers out of women, by asking them directly. No games.
Or just... I dunno, change your password again and leave her alone?
Original post by onehunned
This is SO hard. Half of you are telling me I should find out and stop letting this play with me and the other half if telling me that if she really missed me she'd tell me. I don't know what to do 
Just ring her and say, "look, do you want the D or just the P(assword)?"
That's the only way you get answers out of women, by asking them directly. No games.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by onehunned
She already checked my Facebook twice today.
How do you know she checked your profile, no notification shows up
Original post by KadeK
Whilst I agree somewhat with your post, you have to wonder WHY is she being nosy?
If she really did not care for him at all, she wouldn't be going on his FB in the first place. What's there to be nosy about?
Of course, we can see it from a MORE objective view, but that doesn't mean our advice is truly well-informed; we don't know the ins and outs of his (past) relationship with her, what's been said, what's happened etc. So he needs to take the advice with a pinch of salt.
From what I've read, the fact you stopped contacting her for two-weeks would change the dynamics of the situation. For her to, then, check your FB, I can't help but feel if she's checking to see if you have truly moved on with someone else.
If I was in your shoes, I'd be upfront with her. I'd tell her that I know she's been checking my Facebook, and I'd ask her why if she isn't interested? See what her response is- if she still says she isn't interested, then change the password and move on. Stop being messed around.
If she really did not care for him at all, she wouldn't be going on his FB in the first place. What's there to be nosy about?
Of course, we can see it from a MORE objective view, but that doesn't mean our advice is truly well-informed; we don't know the ins and outs of his (past) relationship with her, what's been said, what's happened etc. So he needs to take the advice with a pinch of salt.
From what I've read, the fact you stopped contacting her for two-weeks would change the dynamics of the situation. For her to, then, check your FB, I can't help but feel if she's checking to see if you have truly moved on with someone else.
If I was in your shoes, I'd be upfront with her. I'd tell her that I know she's been checking my Facebook, and I'd ask her why if she isn't interested? See what her response is- if she still says she isn't interested, then change the password and move on. Stop being messed around.
You didn't read my post properly. I already said the reason why she is most likely doing it. It's for her own self validation/affirmation. It makes her feel valued if he is not doing much, or if he is talking about her a lot post break-up, as it is an indicator of how big a part of his life she was. THAT is what there is to be nosy about.
Original post by The Good Doctor
You didn't read my post properly. I already said the reason why she is most likely doing it. It's for her own self validation/affirmation. It makes her feel valued if he is not doing much, or if he is talking about her a lot post break-up, as it is an indicator of how big a part of his life she was. THAT is what there is to be nosy about.
For someone that she doesn't want to be with, why would she use that person to seek self validation from?
I was just re-iterating that it's clear she still has feelings about him. If she didn't, then she wouldn't need to use him for validation/go on his Facebook.
Original post by KadeK
For someone that she doesn't want to be with, why would she use that person to seek self validation from?
I was just re-iterating that it's clear she still has feelings about him. If she didn't, then she wouldn't need to use him for validation/go on his Facebook.
I was just re-iterating that it's clear she still has feelings about him. If she didn't, then she wouldn't need to use him for validation/go on his Facebook.
Can I ask how old you are and how many relationships you've had? Because I don't believe you have had the necessary life experience if you even feel the need to ask that question.
First of all, I know she goes on my Facebook because I enabled log-in emails so I get an email every time her IP goes on my account.
Secondly, it's obvious that she clearly still cares about me. She could've just deleted me out of her life as soon as I started NC. But caring doesn't mean she wants me back. It's very possible that she's just curious (like all girls).
I think I'll just message her next time it happens because staying like this is going no where. I'd rather get the straight up answer of what's going on instead of sitting here and wondering. If she shows interest, we'll talk and if not, then I'll just keep NC and move on.
Secondly, it's obvious that she clearly still cares about me. She could've just deleted me out of her life as soon as I started NC. But caring doesn't mean she wants me back. It's very possible that she's just curious (like all girls).
I think I'll just message her next time it happens because staying like this is going no where. I'd rather get the straight up answer of what's going on instead of sitting here and wondering. If she shows interest, we'll talk and if not, then I'll just keep NC and move on.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by onehunned
Wanted to keep you guys updated.
She went on it another 3 times today so I messaged her asking why and she just didn't answer. So yes, I guess girls are just simply nosy sometimes. At least now I could keep NC and keep moving on.
She went on it another 3 times today so I messaged her asking why and she just didn't answer. So yes, I guess girls are just simply nosy sometimes. At least now I could keep NC and keep moving on.
Why can't you just change your password?
probably wants to see if you're talking to other girls yet lol
Original post by onehunned
Hi all,
Me and my ex had each other's Facebook passwords throughout the relationship. When we broke up in June, I changed it. However we kept talking up until 2 months ago, at which point she told me she no longer had feelings for me and wanted me to move on, and she then changed her Facebook password. I was really sad and I know I should've followed the no contact rule but basically I kept messaging her and calling her. She would mostly ignore me but sometimes I would drunk text her and she would ignore, but she sometimes showed interest. I think she liked the attention I was giving her.
Anyway, I gave up on her completely and switched my password back because I'm used to it, and I didnt think she'd log on because she said she was over me. I finally stopped messaging her 2 weeks ago COMPLETELY. No texts, calls or anything. A few days ago I started realizing that some of my Facebook messages have been read. I turned on email log on notifications last Saturday and, shockingly, she logged on to my Facebook over 20 times since then (that's 20+ times in 5 days). I wondered if maybe that meant she misses me...I tried logging onto her Facebook and noticed she changed her password back to the old one a week ago (maybe she wants me to check it?)
She already checked my Facebook twice today. I'm confused because either she misses me or she just checks cuz girls are curious...and I'm scared that if I message her I'll break the no contact rule and seem desperate again. If she had some interest though, wouldn't she message me? Or is her pride maybe getting in the way? What should I do?
Me and my ex had each other's Facebook passwords throughout the relationship. When we broke up in June, I changed it. However we kept talking up until 2 months ago, at which point she told me she no longer had feelings for me and wanted me to move on, and she then changed her Facebook password. I was really sad and I know I should've followed the no contact rule but basically I kept messaging her and calling her. She would mostly ignore me but sometimes I would drunk text her and she would ignore, but she sometimes showed interest. I think she liked the attention I was giving her.
Anyway, I gave up on her completely and switched my password back because I'm used to it, and I didnt think she'd log on because she said she was over me. I finally stopped messaging her 2 weeks ago COMPLETELY. No texts, calls or anything. A few days ago I started realizing that some of my Facebook messages have been read. I turned on email log on notifications last Saturday and, shockingly, she logged on to my Facebook over 20 times since then (that's 20+ times in 5 days). I wondered if maybe that meant she misses me...I tried logging onto her Facebook and noticed she changed her password back to the old one a week ago (maybe she wants me to check it?)
She already checked my Facebook twice today. I'm confused because either she misses me or she just checks cuz girls are curious...and I'm scared that if I message her I'll break the no contact rule and seem desperate again. If she had some interest though, wouldn't she message me? Or is her pride maybe getting in the way? What should I do?
Don't let her know that you know. She's being a little sneak so now you have the perfect opportunity to **** with her head. Send yourself, or get someone else to send you, some messages that she would rather not read, make it look like you've got some girl who's better looking than she is after you or make her think you're terminally ill or something. Teach her a lesson.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by pzoDe
Also CAN COUPLES NOT GIVE FACEBOOK PASSWORDS TO EACH OTHER I MEAN WTF?!!
Your Facebook should be purely for you. Giving each other access is a very dangerous and damaging idea. Stupid, actually. So many of my mates, if their girlfriends went through their messages... They'd be single for the next 5 years. Fortunately their girlfriends too know it's a bad idea to share that side of things.
Just stop, it's incredibly dumb. I kinda did it at first with my ex and it'll never happen again.
Your Facebook should be purely for you. Giving each other access is a very dangerous and damaging idea. Stupid, actually. So many of my mates, if their girlfriends went through their messages... They'd be single for the next 5 years. Fortunately their girlfriends too know it's a bad idea to share that side of things.
Just stop, it's incredibly dumb. I kinda did it at first with my ex and it'll never happen again.
Not a big deal for me. I have nothing to hide lol
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