why do men only ever just want sex? how can I make them see me as more?

Basically, I've been single for a while now. I would love to be in a relationship, and be in love. People often tell me I'm very pretty, or beautiful, even complete strangers. I'm an intelligent woman; I feel like I'm fairly interesting and well read, I can hold a conversation. I have an hourglass figure and a very large bust so I get attention a lot. It's annoying that I'm single, and yet I get chatted up pretty much every single day. I always have dozens of numbers on my phone. But the guys only ever want sex. I'm not a slut, and I don't sleep with people easily. But I've gotten into a rut. I will start dating a guy and he will lavish me with attention. He will take me to expensive places, buy me gifts, text me constantly, call me daily, etc etc.Then we will have sex and nothing. All of a sudden that all stops. It's really beginning to upset me now. I don't think I'm rubbish in bed because I'm very open minded, I'm not very inhibited and a lot of the time the guy will say I'm the best he's ever had. But then he will say he'd love to sleep with me again. If I mention going out again he's not interested. He will say he's not looking for a relationship right now. He would love to have some fun but that's all he really has time for at the moment. When for the month before he was calling and texting 24 hours a day. I'm just lied to pretty much constantly and it's really getting me down when all of my friends are in relationships with people who love them. It makes me feel like I'm somehow not worth it. How can I change things?

Reply 1

Serano

11

Original post by La_Chiquita

Basically, I've been single for a while now. I would love to be in a relationship, and be in love. People often tell me I'm very pretty, or beautiful, even complete strangers. I'm an intelligent woman; I feel like I'm fairly interesting and well read, I can hold a conversation. I have an hourglass figure and a very large bust so I get attention a lot. It's annoying that I'm single, and yet I get chatted up pretty much every single day. I always have dozens of numbers on my phone. But the guys only ever want sex. I'm not a slut, and I don't sleep with people easily. But I've gotten into a rut. I will start dating a guy and he will lavish me with attention. He will take me to expensive places, buy me gifts, text me constantly, call me daily, etc etc.Then we will have sex and nothing. All of a sudden that all stops. It's really beginning to upset me now. I don't think I'm rubbish in bed because I'm very open minded, I'm not very inhibited and a lot of the time the guy will say I'm the best he's ever had. But then he will say he'd love to sleep with me again. If I mention going out again he's not interested. He will say he's not looking for a relationship right now. He would love to have some fun but that's all he really has time for at the moment. When for the month before he was calling and texting 24 hours a day. I'm just lied to pretty much constantly and it's really getting me down when all of my friends are in relationships with people who love them. It makes me feel like I'm somehow not worth it. How can I change things?

Some people are *******s, not much you can really do about it. Keep trying! :smile:

Reply 2

Inazuma

20

Make it clear what you are looking for beforehand? It might intimidate them but better than the alternative.
Also how long are you waiting? I know it's not wise to not do so if you want to, but it could give you a better idea.

All I can seem to find around me is the opposite half the time; maybe we should switch places!

Some guys are just naturally stupid. I tend to find that attitude more common the younger they are - perhaps look older (I've found most up to 30 are like that, while over 30 not so much)

Reply 3

Arkasia

19

Stupid generalization is stupid.

Some guys are like that, most aren't.

Reply 4

Naveed.178

20

Try and find a genuine nice person. Im pretty sure you'll find one somewhere. Not every guy is bad. Theres some good ones out there too. You just need to find one.
Im a guy and I dont want to be in a relationship with a woman for sex, but for love. Something where we can have a chat, go out etc. Although I have to admit, I do have a sexual desire, but I wouldnt do the relationship just because of that.

Just saying.., you just need to find the right guy. There are some out there who are sensible.
Dont let guys use you unless you know they're thee right person. There are some good guys out there who will even marry you forever.

Reply 5

username1391301

17

Original post by La_Chiquita

Basically, I've been single for a while now. I would love to be in a relationship, and be in love. People often tell me I'm very pretty, or beautiful, even complete strangers. I'm an intelligent woman; I feel like I'm fairly interesting and well read, I can hold a conversation. I have an hourglass figure and a very large bust so I get attention a lot. It's annoying that I'm single, and yet I get chatted up pretty much every single day. I always have dozens of numbers on my phone. But the guys only ever want sex. I'm not a slut, and I don't sleep with people easily. But I've gotten into a rut. I will start dating a guy and he will lavish me with attention. He will take me to expensive places, buy me gifts, text me constantly, call me daily, etc etc.Then we will have sex and nothing. All of a sudden that all stops. It's really beginning to upset me now. I don't think I'm rubbish in bed because I'm very open minded, I'm not very inhibited and a lot of the time the guy will say I'm the best he's ever had. But then he will say he'd love to sleep with me again. If I mention going out again he's not interested. He will say he's not looking for a relationship right now. He would love to have some fun but that's all he really has time for at the moment. When for the month before he was calling and texting 24 hours a day. I'm just lied to pretty much constantly and it's really getting me down when all of my friends are in relationships with people who love them. It makes me feel like I'm somehow not worth it. How can I change things?

Well i don't exactly want to blow my own trumpet but sex really isn't on the forefront of my mind. Especially when it comes to a relationship. Yes, obviously nobody is going to deny that sex is a part of a relationship but its definitely not what makes it.

For me the person and the personality that lays within them is far more important to me. Yes being attracted to them is part of the romantic connection but i find personality to be key. Someone who is fun, bubbly, easy to talk to, honest, open to discuss things and not burry them under the carpet. I think being able to enjoy the company of somebody who you truly love is a far greater quality than sex. But thats just my opinion.

Once, if you can see past the idea of just sex then the opportunities are endless. All i'll say is that we are not all the same. We don't all crave sex when it comes to women and relationships in general. I hope iv'e offered you a glimpse of that by the way i view things. And yes, if you haven't figured already, I'm Male.

Keep looking. Plenty of fish in the Sea. Sometimes one might just jump out at you when you are least expecting it. Hoped this helped. :smile:

Reply 6

username47781

20

Not every guy is like that, maybe you are just having some bad luck. The other thing is when you do meet a guy, don't rush into sex and give it to them straight away, make them wait a little.

Reply 7

omegaSQU4RED

18

I can understand your frustration - although I'm in a very different situation, my ex-girlfriend often complained that she got this from a lot of guys. People would act like she meant the world to them and then after they slept with her, they would suddenly pretend that "they're not looking for a relationship" and never talk to her again (I should probably stress that this isn't why things ended between us 2 years ago...). It's difficult on the girl's part because her being polite and going along with everything the guy offers (including the above) can lead to a broken heart, yet being over-vigilant at an early stage can deter guys.

I would probably suggest looking for a demographic (could be through online dating, or something else) who are looking for similar things to you. This way you can be much more selective about who to date.

From reading your posts though it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Best of luck :smile:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 8

iama

7

Maybe you're the type that arouses people a lot? They want to get with you, but they don't see you as a potential dating partner and they don't stick around to find out that you're great overall, not just physically. Sadly this happens with hot girls sometimes. I don't know you so I'm saying this all from what you've wrote, so to me this seems like the cause. Yup. At least you're very attractive, do your best and it will work out eventually!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

Matthcw

Simple. Be ugly, then men won't see you as anything sexual ever.

You will not be talked to by much guys or approached, complimented or stared at.

This works because its in men's DNA to avoid ugly girls and approach good looking girls, so you will have no problem and your life will be great :smile:

Hope this helped!

Reply 10

username1241899

You've got too many thirsty guys hounding for you, that's how it is for a lot of girls.
Best thing to do is just not give them what they want so easily, make them wait.
If they hold out, this'll show they actually enjoy you for who you are etc.

Reply 11

Crumpet1

19

Be pickier with the guys you go out with.

Look at the guys you have chosen up until now - analyse them - what characteristics might have warned you that they weren't reliable? Maybe try someone who is a little different from your historic choices in future.

Reply 12

Guybrush Sheepgood

15

Well you could always make yourself uglier?

No. I didn't think so.

Reply 13

curlycherry

5

What's that personality saying tho

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Reply 14

517340

16

Take time to get to know the person a bit longer? A lot of flirting and attention and sex early on is I suppose the 'fun and frantic' lifestyle some people would go for, but if you'd actually like to have a relationship then try to watch if the feelings are mutual or if he's just hoping to release some hormones while having a fun enough time with you. I'm trying to keep this even on both sides here, since it seems like you're reciprocating his actions.

I've been trying to work out what the difference between a relationship and a friendship is and I have a feeling is 'intimacy', which is something you develop over time, and I think the best way is to actually find someone who you really enjoy talking with, not just flirting.

How many guy friends have you got out of interest?

Reply 15

TommeDeSavoie

14

[h="1"]"why do men only ever just want sex? "[/h]
Do you have any reproducible, substantiated, peer-reviewed empirical evidence to back up this statement, any at all?

No? Then why do you espouse this blatant sexism?

Reply 16

517340

16

Original post by KrisCussans

[h="1"]"why do men only ever just want sex? "[/h]
Do you have any reproducible, substantiated, peer-reviewed empirical evidence to back up this statement, any at all?

No? Then why do you espouse this blatant sexism?

Let's talk about the actual topic and not get carried away shall we?

Reply 17

TommeDeSavoie

14

Original post by Ruthless Dutchman

Let's talk about the actual topic and not get carried away shall we?

I am talking about the topic, the OP made a claim in the form of a question. It is not substantiated with evidence and therefore is a fallacious question, unless of course evidence for this claim exists?

Reply 18

arkhamz

15

A lot of the time, the ones who "feel they are fairly interesting" usually aren't and I'm not surprised that some guys just want sex from them.

You're either boring/uninteresting or are into or attracting the wrong kind of men.