Boyfriend too selfish-new love from first sight?!!

Hello everyone,
Let me share my story with you. I am 21 and I started the relationship with my 22 years old bf 1,5 years ago. It's worth mentioning that I when I met my bf I had recently finished a very bad relationship that left very serious trust issues to me. Anyway, things started ok with us getting along well. We quickly started spending a lot of time together and with his friends from uni(I am quite shy as a person and don't have so many friends), we went to holidays and generally do different staff regurarly.He is like my best friend. Anyway, this year we decided to share the same house with him and two more students. This step was quite easy for us.

However, throughout this period my bf has done and still does some things that make me really sad.. the most important is that i have seen two times messages that he sent to other girls about meeting up and having s**x. Now of course you will ask me how do i know..? I know that it is wrong but i really have trust issues which actually actually prove to be effective for me knowing what is going on.. So, i check his phone a lot. Anyway, when I asked him why and what am I doing wrong, he told me that he has been with only one girl and me so far and he wanted to have more experience. However, when it comes to him meeting up with these girls and cheating on me; i know for a fact that he has never done it.. on the last incident, he was being very rude to me saying bad things and asked me to break up; i was crying but when i actually made the move to leave he begged me and he said that he is not gonna do it again and that his lif would be miserable without me..i told him that if i see anything like that again is over. so, i guess i just wait to see if he will keep his promise..Also, I know that almost on a daily basis he is watching porn and mastu*bates.. At the start, I had conversations with him but he said to me that this is a way for him to be loyal to me. Therefore, I just get away with it. The problem is that the way we have s*x is always kind of rough from his side.. It seems that he is not turned on with romantic staff at all and he does not do preliminary staff.. I have talked about it but it seems to keep going back to the same altough there is a few moments that he hugs me and kisses me and has a sort of sensitive attitude towards me

The last thing that bothers me is that he honestly cannot express his feelings.. Whenever i talk about somth regarding us he is literally just sitting there, saying nothing apart from 'when are you gonna stop lecturing me' he has told me that this happens because of the way his mum used to talk to him in the past..She could not stop lecturing him; and now i am like her shade.. I know that some of these things pass through his mind when i talk and he acts properly, but he is sooo selfish to participate on the discussion..

Now, to justify my title; two weeks ago I saw a guy in uni that I could not take my eyes away from him.. Let me mention that this has never happened to me again during this relationship.. I have never spoken to him, altough we have a common friend. I do't want to do anything as of course I am in a relationship now and I know that some of you will say t know what is going on with me but I really feel some strange connection with this guy.. Everytime I see him I imagine us being together and doing staff.. But then I remember that I still love my bf as well...

things have gotten even worsethe last week with him being a bit rude and not having as much sexual desire as before..This has put me n a really bad position, as generally i am very attractive and there is guys approaching me all the time.. Of course, this does not mean that i will give in to anything. However, my bf told me that I shouldnt think even for one sec that he doesnt not find me sexually attractive.. It could be due to some financial issues, stress from uni and that he has been away from his friends; i have tried everything.. gave him support, initiate discussions but he has not responded very well to all these.. The thing that even if i am still in love with him and care so much I am not sure what to do anymore, as i catch myself crying many times because of that.. however, he can do just one good thing or support me on smth important and this makes me happy again...
Please give me your opinions I defo need them now!
Awww and sorry for the length of this message!

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

High Stakes

Lol. This whole page is leaking insecurity.

I'll summarise my advice in two points:

1) Firstly, go find someone worth dating. If a person cheats on you behind your back to "experience" more girls, then that person lacks loyalty and is a coward not worth spending time on. Leave him.

2) You need to fix your insecurity. I understand that your previous track record of relationships (including this one, yes) is quite poor. But you need to realise that a normal relationship doesn't include sneaking around and looking at people's phones without their permission.