I'm slowly starting to resent my family. (Rant)

They are completely overbearing and verbally abusive; I'm not allowed to wear dresses, t shirts, leggings because they are "shameful" especially in front of my male family members. I'm 18 years old and I have a curfew of 6pm and because of this I wasn't allowed to attend my university's winter ball. My aunt complains about white people being "racist" against muslims yet she is the one who goes around complaining about how black people - mainly Somalians are rude people and leach off welfare with 9+ kids. She advised me to make nice religious friends and to stay away from white people as they could have an affect on me, well I have mainly white friends and yet I still don't go around having one night stands or get drunk? I wasn't allowed to go to the university of my choice because it was 2 hours away from my family so I had to settle for a university which was closer and not as renowned as my choice. I can't have a conversation with my mother without her mentioning something about religion. I don't have any cousins who live near me and only have a 10 year old sister who will have to go through what I did. Honestly, sometimes I just wish they were all deported so I could live a normal life. :frown:

i resent your family

You should move out, live at uni or something-you will get freedom.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by liquidconfidence

You should move out, live at uni or something-you will get freedom.

I wish I could, but I'm not allowed to move out. According to my dad (whos never been to university even though he's been living in this country since he was 16) it's unsafe for girls

Reply 4

liquidconfidence

16

Original post by Anonymous

I wish I could, but I'm not allowed to move out. According to my dad (whos never been to university even though he's been living in this country since he was 16) it's unsafe for girls

Oh I see, this is where it get's complicated. Well they can't force you to stay home. I'm guessing you're 18 or over so if you have enough money etc you could move out especially if you use your student loans and apply for grants. Although, if you did do that I can only assume that they would disown you or something. I don't know you could try compromising with them on everything you want to do, they do sound overbearing but maybe they feel as if you aren't focusing on your religion enough which is why they keep on talking about it?

Reply 5

loveleest

21

Are going to uni? You could live away from your family from uni.
Anyway, I know how you feel. Can't wait to move out either tbh.

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

They are completely overbearing and verbally abusive; I'm not allowed to wear dresses, t shirts, leggings because they are "shameful" especially in front of my male family members. I'm 18 years old and I have a curfew of 6pm and because of this I wasn't allowed to attend my university's winter ball. My aunt complains about white people being "racist" against muslims yet she is the one who goes around complaining about how black people - mainly Somalians are rude people and leach off welfare with 9+ kids. She advised me to make nice religious friends and to stay away from white people as they could have an affect on me, well I have mainly white friends and yet I still don't go around having one night stands or get drunk? I wasn't allowed to go to the university of my choice because it was 2 hours away from my family so I had to settle for a university which was closer and not as renowned as my choice. I can't have a conversation with my mother without her mentioning something about religion. I don't have any cousins who live near me and only have a 10 year old sister who will have to go through what I did. Honestly, sometimes I just wish they were all deported so I could live a normal life. :frown:

I'm in a similar situation to you and I absolutely hate it so I understand how you feel. I also wasn't allowed to move out and go to a uni of my choice because 'girls should stay at home.' I really wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. Just stay strong and get through uni, you can always try finding jobs away from home without them finding out.

Reply 7

robinfr

15

get a job save the money rent a flat far away from your family

Reply 8

Anonymous #4

what uni do you go to?

Reply 9

AmazingArry

16

Transfer uni, move away, get a job, forget about your family and start your own life. Trust me you can do a lot better than them if you let them go. Even if you love them and they love you, they're being over bearing and manipulative. I understand how you feel and no one should feel limited by their family. Family is there for emotional support and guidance not jailing you up because you're a woman.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 10

BrokenLife

15

Original post by Anonymous

They are completely overbearing and verbally abusive; I'm not allowed to wear dresses, t shirts, leggings because they are "shameful" especially in front of my male family members. I'm 18 years old and I have a curfew of 6pm and because of this I wasn't allowed to attend my university's winter ball. My aunt complains about white people being "racist" against muslims yet she is the one who goes around complaining about how black people - mainly Somalians are rude people and leach off welfare with 9+ kids. She advised me to make nice religious friends and to stay away from white people as they could have an affect on me, well I have mainly white friends and yet I still don't go around having one night stands or get drunk? I wasn't allowed to go to the university of my choice because it was 2 hours away from my family so I had to settle for a university which was closer and not as renowned as my choice. I can't have a conversation with my mother without her mentioning something about religion. I don't have any cousins who live near me and only have a 10 year old sister who will have to go through what I did. Honestly, sometimes I just wish they were all deported so I could live a normal life. :frown:

Original post by loveleest

Are going to uni? You could live away from your family from uni.
Anyway, I know how you feel. Can't wait to move out either tbh.

Woah. This is actually a typical portrayal of a desi Muslim family. Full of sexist and racist views!! That part about White people is so wrong!! My best friend in my flat is not only White but also an atheist and I'm a Muslim(not very religious tbh) and we get on super well! In fact we always have a chit chat session at night every day.

My family is also very typical but I'm far from it and had and still have to face such views. However, I moved out foe uni and my life is in peace foe now at least!

Reply 11

AmazingArry

16

If you don't get out of their grip, soon enough, after you finish uni, they'll probably get you hitched to someone that they promised you to when you were 1 or something. You'll never get to marry someone who you choose and makes you happy. After that there's no going back, they'll still control you and your husband will control you and have the same ideals as them. If you have a daughter you'll have no choice to bring her up the same way that you had gotten and treated the same way you have. She'll feel the same frustration, anger and feel at trapped as you are. No one should feel that way because of their "birth right".

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Reply 12

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

They are completely overbearing and verbally abusive; I'm not allowed to wear dresses, t shirts, leggings because they are "shameful" especially in front of my male family members :frown:

Time to phone a friend... and then move in with them.
Seriously my cousin was in a similar situation so she just up and left, it was quite impressive.

Reply 13

moongazerr

I advice you to get up and just get out haha

Provided you have enough to provide for yourself. Otherwise, you're going to have to bare through it, sorry kiddo.

Reply 14

Konanabanana

9

Original post by Anonymous

They are completely overbearing and verbally abusive; I'm not allowed to wear dresses, t shirts, leggings because they are "shameful" especially in front of my male family members. I'm 18 years old and I have a curfew of 6pm and because of this I wasn't allowed to attend my university's winter ball. My aunt complains about white people being "racist" against muslims yet she is the one who goes around complaining about how black people - mainly Somalians are rude people and leach off welfare with 9+ kids. She advised me to make nice religious friends and to stay away from white people as they could have an affect on me, well I have mainly white friends and yet I still don't go around having one night stands or get drunk? I wasn't allowed to go to the university of my choice because it was 2 hours away from my family so I had to settle for a university which was closer and not as renowned as my choice. I can't have a conversation with my mother without her mentioning something about religion. I don't have any cousins who live near me and only have a 10 year old sister who will have to go through what I did. Honestly, sometimes I just wish they were all deported so I could live a normal life. :frown:

You are currently 18 and do not need your parental consent anymore, you can apply for university via your school and asking them for guidance as i understand where you come from, my parents are Muslim but i an not myself and they don't know i'm not. I would recommend you speaking to your school, e.g head of sixth form or a teacher you are close with to help you get help as at the end of the day you are 18 and your parents clearly don't know what is est for you at this stage in time. Honestly, i may seem harsh but just understand you're 18 and they no longer are fully responsible and they need to understand that, they most likely still go by the cultural kind of structure as a family which is not the same as what it is in the uk.

Reply 15

F raja

1

is you're family doing it because of religion or culture

Reply 16

Konanabanana

9

Original post by F raja

is you're family doing it because of religion or culture

It is clearly both which should not be done as in Islam is should not be forced on which means if anything they are not following the religion which they seem to agree so strongly on. A lot of parents force their children into Islam but a family of muslim parents will bring up a muslim child until that child is old enough to make a decision for themselves. I'm not saying she is not muslim but she has the decision to do what she wants at this point in her life.

Reply 17

F raja

1

Original post by Konanabanana

It is clearly both which should not be done as in Islam is should not be forced on which means if anything they are not following the religion which they seem to agree so strongly on. A lot of parents force their children into Islam but a family of muslim parents will bring up a muslim child until that child is old enough to make a decision for themselves. I'm not saying she is not muslim but she has the decision to do what she wants at this point in her life.

That's what I was about to say. Education in islam is a top priority. I mean the first university ever was et up by a muslim woman called Fatima al Fihri. If the OP's parents think that if she's allowed out to go to university events, she'll become a bad girl then why did the prophet's wife used to teach the men and woman after his death. And I guarantee that if the OP has a brother then he's allowed to do what the hell he wants. He can come in whatever time he wants and go whatever time he wants. This is where the culture is messed up. The same people they are trying to protect their daughters from are the same people they don't mind their sons becoming.

Reply 18

AmazingArry

16

Original post by F raja

That's what I was about to say. Education in islam is a top priority. I mean the first university ever was et up by a muslim woman called Fatima al Fihri. If the OP's parents think that if she's allowed out to go to university events, she'll become a bad girl then why did the prophet's wife used to teach the men and woman after his death. And I guarantee that if the OP has a brother then he's allowed to do what the hell he wants. He can come in whatever time he wants and go whatever time he wants. This is where the culture is messed up. The same people they are trying to protect their daughters from are the same people they don't mind their sons becoming.

Totally true. I know a girl who whenever she goes out has to be back by 9pm, after a massive row with her family every time she asks to go out, if she's going out with friends but her half brother who lives in the same house hold and is only 6 months or so older than her, goes out at midnight and comes back at 4 am without even an eye lid batted or someone saying "what time do call this" or even has to ask to leave the house. It's crazy. When I've gone over to her house she can't even say one thing without half her family, all the males basically, yelling at her saying she's stupid and she knows nothing because she's a girl and always tell her that she should clean up after them . She's 20 years old btw. It's clearly not something that can be avoided with age.

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(edited 8 years ago)

I'm slowly starting to resent my family. (Rant)

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