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    • Thread Starter

    I'll try to make this short

    I've know this girl for a while now. I would consider her a very good friend, but we aren't really close. We see each other on occasion, at social events, parties, gatherings. I also know her boyfriend, who I'd also consider a good friend. They have been together years now and have even recently entertained the idea of getting married. I'm very happy for them, although a bit jealous aswell to be honest.

    For the past few months I keep thinking of this girl. She keeps popping into my head at random times and I literally adore everything about her. She's a kind, caring, smart, beautiful individual and I cant for the life of me find a fault with her. I get extremely anxious when around her, especially when there's no alcohol or benzos in my system. As of recently, I've been unable to even converse extensively with her without stuttering and acting like a fool.

    I wish I didn't feel this way because I know there is no way we could ever have a relationship. I know she adores me as a friend, but there is no way things would work between us. She is in a loving long term relationship. I also don't want to jeopardize the friendship, with her or her boyfriend, so opening up to her is out of the question in my mind. I'm hoping this obsession will pass once I'm in another relationship or just with time.

    I've no idea what to do, and I don't know why I'm posting this here. Maybe someone can give me some advice and maybe people are going through the same dilemma as me and can share there experiences.


    It sounds like you have become quite infatuated by this girl. I'm sure that you have her best interests at heart, but it's not healthy for you to be around her when you are secretly harbouring these feelings. This sort of situation from my experience can only lead to angst and frustration- girl in a happy relationship with another guy, you want to be that guy.
    • Very Important Poster

    Very Important Poster
    You said it's best not to open out to her and I agree. What you should do is distance yourself from her a little bit. I am not saying cut her off completely but I mean reduce the number of times you interact with her over text/messenger or if you ever hang out with her alone then I suggest not doing that.

    I've been in that situation before and it's not easy, but the longer you stay close with them then the more you want them and feel jealous over their boyfriend. It's best not to be in that position and not talk or hang out together as much. In the meantime just meet more people and girls, maybe you'll find someone you like and that can serve as a distraction.

    You seem to be exhibiting symptomns of Oneitis. I've had this a couple of times and it's not a great position to be in. You think she's this special snowflake and as a result you put too much weighting or emotional investment in to her. Not great. However, say hypothetically you didn't no see or speak to her for a year, I guarantee you you'll look back and think wow, she is wasn't really that special of a person that I had painted her, and maybe even thinking wow, I don't know why I even thought she was that attractive - I can't see it anymore.
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