Should I date someone I don't see myself marrying?
I am 20 and have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. Is it wrong of me to stay in a relationship when I cannot be sure that he will be the one I marry or is it perfectly acceptable at this age to be with someone who makes you happy and you enjoy being with?
Thoughts would be appreciated!
Thoughts would be appreciated!
(edited 3 years ago)
It's wrong. You're draining him off his money and resources so end it
No you shouldn't. Stop wasting each others' time.
Original post by 123443210
I am 20 and have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. Is it wrong of me to stay in a relationship when I cannot be sure that he will be the one I marry or is it perfectly acceptable at this age to be with someone who makes you happy and you enjoy being with?
Thoughts would be appreciated!
Thoughts would be appreciated!
It depends what your mutual understanding is. Is he thinking marriage or just dating? Do you ever talk about what you want. Its fine if you are just happy dating and its not serious. Its fine unless you have misled him in some way.
The calculation becomes is it better for you in a relationship or single?
He will make the same one.
twenty is young and you will have other relationships. You have time.
It gets pernicious if one leads the other one on.
It gets critical if the female wants a child and she invests too much time in a relationship that will go nowhere.
You sound fine.
Original post by 123443210
I am 20 and have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. Is it wrong of me to stay in a relationship when I cannot be sure that he will be the one I marry or is it perfectly acceptable at this age to be with someone who makes you happy and you enjoy being with?
Thoughts would be appreciated!
Thoughts would be appreciated!
As long as he's not thinking about marriage or kids, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm 22 and none of my relationships have been with people I would see myself marrying - it's about companionship in the here and now. Just make sure you're not leading him on, if he is looking to marry and settle down then you shouldn't keep him under any illusions that you want the same thing.
What makes you think he want to marry you?!
I don't believe anyone at those ages are together with the specific goal of marriage. For example I know what type of girl I would like to marry but before then I've dated all types of strange and wonderful people who I wouldn't otherwise associate with. I personally love learning and experiencing many people in romantic relationships. Although one day I plan to settle down and choose someone I know I could realistically get on with in the long-term.
If you enjoy dating him then keep dating. 20 is too young an age to worry about marriage. Also what makes you think he wants to marry you?
It depends on why you don't necessarily see yourself marrying him.
Personally, I don't get into a relationship with someone unless I think we are potentially compatible for life. Of course there's always room to be wrong anyway, but there are some basic things that are important - for example: world views, preferred lifestyles, whether or not children are wanted. If I know I would be unhappy say... never traveling the world, then I won't start dating someone who passionately hates travel. Or if I did, because of our connection, I would talk to them about it first and see if they could see themselves changing or allowing me to on my own.
However, that's not how most people do relationships and it doesn't necessarily have to be. We all change and go through different stages, most people go with the flow and if they really enjoy someone's company go for it without deep life-long consideration. It can just be messy and sad, to build such a strong connection with someone and naturally be compelled to want to keep it going, but fall apart over some point of incompatibility. Learning about yourself, what you really want, when to let go and how to move on in the direction you want to be going is all part of that though - for a lot of people it's necessary for successful future relationships. For others it was just lost romantic time where they weren't meeting other people instead. And then a third category still has completely wrong ideas about what they have/need and throw away something good.
In short, it's up to you and what you feel is the best for both of you.
Personally, I don't get into a relationship with someone unless I think we are potentially compatible for life. Of course there's always room to be wrong anyway, but there are some basic things that are important - for example: world views, preferred lifestyles, whether or not children are wanted. If I know I would be unhappy say... never traveling the world, then I won't start dating someone who passionately hates travel. Or if I did, because of our connection, I would talk to them about it first and see if they could see themselves changing or allowing me to on my own.
However, that's not how most people do relationships and it doesn't necessarily have to be. We all change and go through different stages, most people go with the flow and if they really enjoy someone's company go for it without deep life-long consideration. It can just be messy and sad, to build such a strong connection with someone and naturally be compelled to want to keep it going, but fall apart over some point of incompatibility. Learning about yourself, what you really want, when to let go and how to move on in the direction you want to be going is all part of that though - for a lot of people it's necessary for successful future relationships. For others it was just lost romantic time where they weren't meeting other people instead. And then a third category still has completely wrong ideas about what they have/need and throw away something good.
In short, it's up to you and what you feel is the best for both of you.
Does he want marriage at this time or in the near future? If yes then break it off, if not as long as you aren't leading him along that you might want those things and and you're both happy then for now it's okay.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- .
- Who am I supposed to date/marry?
- sign for Istikhara
- My bf's mom found out!
- Will I ever be loved?
- I'm almost 21 and have never been in a relationship
- Relationship advice needed
- Relationship HELP!
- Can a married man have a crush on a younger woman?
- What do you think about going on holiday with a bf/gf you've been seeing for a year?
- My mom’s idea of marriage puts me off so much
- Too risky to try a relationship?
- Love in Islam: Qs for Muslim brothers and sisters!
- South Asian men (Muslim ideally): would you marry a med drop-out
- 19, (F) Struggling to find love. Is it too late for me?
- Relationships
- Would you date a girl who wears trainers without socks?
- Family falling apart over my sisters boyfriend...
- Poly relationship
- what qualities do you guys like in a girl?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 6 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
