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My dad's abusive and has been calling me a failure my entire life.

I literally feel broken right now.

I remember when I was young, between the ages of 5-15 my dad used to keep hitting me because I kept talking back. This was true, I used to have a comment like "no it's not" or "you're wrong" after he said something stupid and so he would hit me. This is somewhat typical in an asian household and I used to cry myself off thinking that it was a way to discipline me. Safe to say I don't talk back anymore at 18 years old.

When I did my 11+ (entrance exam for grammar schools), I remember failing it. My dad kept saying how I would never amount to anything in my life and I was stupid. "I was not as smart as other parents' children" he said. And yes, he did hit me because I failed.

Went through secondary school and got the best GCSE's in my year group (6A*'s and 6 A's) as I wanted to prove my dad wrong, that I wasn't a failure. We're a pretty poor family so I went to an underperforming school. My dad gave me NO CONGRATULATIONS whatsoever. Not even a well done! In fact he basically called me a failure again for not going to some of the Taraweeh prayers at during summer (yes, we're Muslims but that doesn't have much to do with the way it acts, it's more cultural).

So I decided to study at a different school for sixth form and as the 2 years went by (ive finished year 13 now) and now I hold an offer from a top 5 uni for a science course. AS and A2's have been hard and my dad didn't give me any support. I didn't need the support but it would have been nice to have heard "how are you doing son".

Sixth form has been the hardest time for me. My dad in my AS year basically punched me in the face (not exaggerating, i trapped myself in the room but he got the door slightly open and threw a swing). This was because I said that I wanted to go to Jummah prayers 10 minutes later because i was cramping in my stomach. He also says I'm a bad child because im 'not learning how to cook'. This is bull**** because i make every effort to learn with my mum, but my mum is always busy so never helps. So I just learn how to cook myself without them, but since they never see that im doing it, they think im not learning. I tell them im learning but they dont believe me because im a 'bad child'.

Now I have never sworn at my dad (I've done it when hes not in the same room), I dont drink alcohol, smoke, im hard working and strive to be the best i can. I dont deal drugs (this is popular in my community) and i listen to my parents as much as i can.

Is there anything I can do to pull through this mess?

Fortunetly im moving away from university so i plan to cut contact with him then but im always going to return home to see my mum. I just hate him!

Reply 1

TheAlchemistress

I don't know how to help you. It seems like it has impacted you a lot, what do you want to do. Do you want to confront him?

Reply 2

Art of Deception

You don't need a father. You'll be fine. Just stay in contact with your Mother

Your parents don't own you either

Reply 3

username1842595

You say you're moving away for university. Thats great. Now you can be successful and throw it into his face. This is what I'm doing as well to one of my family members. Dont let anyone bring you down. :smile: