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    • #90
    #90

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think i have a binging disorder
    Tell me about it! I am so frustrated with my weight but sabotage myself by eating so much whenever I am stressed or bored
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    I really want to start talking to someone on here and develop a really good friendship or even relationship with someone. I move schools a lot but never really develop deep friendships and I want to be able to talk to someone and trust someone.
    • #113
    #113

    It hurts because at the back of my mind, I never count to anyone, even if I do. I lied, I knew what you said. I'm not perfect. The urge is really strong. My own fault :sigh: I might detract a bit, but can I?
    • #114
    #114

    I am absolutely screwed for results day but that's not really my real problem. I am 16 years old, almost 17 and will be getting my AS results in less than an hour. I know that I've messed up and was in a bad place during the exam season. I also know that in the long run, my shortfallings will not be significant because this is the last year where the relevant subject is eligible for resit. I've always been a conscientious person, the whole 'perfect student' thing is all most people will think of when they think about me. Let me make it clear that I am not an arrogant person, in fact I am the complete opposite and I'm not the type of person to post on a forum. I'm a 'quiet' and 'shy' person who, in the past has been bullied for those things and all strings attached. I've always had good grades, a string of extra-curriculars and a small set of close friends - my parents don't bat an eyelid - on paper, I'm desirable. Nobody ever looks beyond the surface, beyond the letter of the grade. What do they see first? They see the colour of my skin, then my gender, then my outwardly projected qualities such as the desire to do well, to make others happy and to simply get by in life progressing through the various stages of life. This is what I want people to see. And I have successfully made it so for too long!

    The truth is, I think I've been struggling with depression. I don't know how or who to ask for help whilst retaining anonymity because it is a myth. Everything leaves a trace. My parents are not the understanding type (not exactly bad just ... insensitive) and I know if I were to tell a school councillor or someone how dark things have really gotten, my parents will be notified. I've tried to tell them (my parents) before, but they thought I was being silly. They don't take me seriously in general. I don't think I can confide in any of my friends either. I don't feel like I can go to the doctor because of the things I might say which will lead to my parents being notified because I'm under 18. It only gets really bad when I'm by myself. I don't sleep much, so I have quite a lot of time to myself. Glad to admit this and get it off my chest. I'd say more, but it's a long long story and I just don't have the energy to keep going. I really don't know what to do. I know I've messed up, not just my grades but other stuff. I just don't know what to do.
    • #110
    #110

    I don't think I'm going to be alive for much longer
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think I'm going to be alive for much longer
    Is everything okay? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think I'm going to be alive for much longer
    Are you alright? Please speak to someone and dont make any crazy decisions.

    We are here for you
    • #110
    #110

    (Original post by Deyesy)
    Is everything okay? :hugs:
    (Original post by Wired_1800)
    Are you alright? Please speak to someone and dont make any crazy decisions.

    We are here for you
    I've reached my lowest of lows recently. I'm still here, but I'm losing the will to fight. Thank you for caring though.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've reached my lowest of lows recently. I'm still here, but I'm losing the will to fight. Thank you for caring though.
    If you want to talk, there's alot of people out here that care. Keep fighting, okay? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've reached my lowest of lows recently. I'm still here, but I'm losing the will to fight. Thank you for caring though.
    Sorry to read that. If you need someone to talk to, let us know
    • #110
    #110

    (Original post by Deyesy)
    If you want to talk, there's alot of people out here that care. Keep fighting, okay? :hugs:
    My friends don't care, I don't trust my family + they are the root of most of my problems. TSR is all I have left and that makes me feel so lonely and pathetic. It's the only company I have and the only place I can release how I feel. I'll try to keep fighting.
    • #42
    #42

    I hate myself because I get too carried away. I feel surges of emotion and I can’t control them and its horrible. I know I need love desperately and I know I give too much to people and I know I frighten them off. I seem happy, fun-loving, confident and exuberant and passionate but honestly, sometimes it feels like inside I’m dying. I know I can come across aggressive and over the top but that’s because I have a lot of anger inside of me. I wish i didn't have this constant need for attention and affection that is never fulfilled. I feel so empty. i don't know how human relationships really work, I don't know how to be normal.

    I feel like the person who its impossible to love, it’s like I have a red sign over my head saying don’t love me.
    I was taught how to think negatively about myself and the world from a young age and now those thought patterns are so deep engrained it’s really hard to change them. I try but I can’t. I feel like this useless person.

    I act like the most confident person in the room, because the only way I know out of my darkness is to act, to pretend like everything’s amazing, and to throw love at people, but when they reject me I feel it so much. I’m so scared of being abandoned by people and I just want someone to call my own. Deep down I’m not confident at all, I think i’m ugly and unloveable. I wish someone would admire me because I don’t admire myself. My self esteem can be horribly low and I hate that I often think i’m useless. I feel like my parents messed me up and they don’t even realize how. I feel broken. I want to be loved desperately but every time I try it goes wrong. I just need some kind of stability because my sense of myself is so shifting, but I mess up every time I get close to someone. I wish people could really see how sad I am, and see past my front. maybe they’d treat me differently then.
    • #115
    #115

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I hate myself because I get too carried away. I feel surges of emotion and I can’t control them and its horrible. I know I need love desperately and I know I give too much to people and I know I frighten them off. I seem happy, fun-loving, confident and exuberant and passionate but honestly, sometimes it feels like inside I’m dying. I know I can come across aggressive and over the top but that’s because I have a lot of anger inside of me. I wish i didn't have this constant need for attention and affection that is never fulfilled. I feel so empty. i don't know how human relationships really work, I don't know how to be normal.

    I feel like the person who its impossible to love, it’s like I have a red sign over my head saying don’t love me.
    I was taught how to think negatively about myself and the world from a young age and now those thought patterns are so deep engrained it’s really hard to change them. I try but I can’t. I feel like this useless person.

    I act like the most confident person in the room, because the only way I know out of my darkness is to act, to pretend like everything’s amazing, and to throw love at people, but when they reject me I feel it so much. I’m so scared of being abandoned by people and I just want someone to call my own. Deep down I’m not confident at all, I think i’m ugly and unloveable. I wish someone would admire me because I don’t admire myself. My self esteem can be horribly low and I hate that I often think i’m useless. I feel like my parents messed me up and they don’t even realize how. I feel broken. I want to be loved desperately but every time I try it goes wrong. I just need some kind of stability because my sense of myself is so shifting, but I mess up every time I get close to someone. I wish people could really see how sad I am, and see past my front. maybe they’d treat me differently then.
    Damn that really hit me because that is literally me :sad:
    It almost feels as though I wrote this
    • #116
    #116

    I got my A Level results and I got 3As. I feel really disappointed but conflicted at the same time. I got into my first choice uni, but I was predicted 2A*s and an A which meant I dropped 2 grades. I know I'm being ungrateful because I am really happy to start uni in September, but I can't help feeling like I didn't achieve my full potential. Also doesn't help that all my friends got A*s. I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP THINKING THIS and I know I'm being idiotic especially considering I was extremely down and unmotivated during exams, I just wish I could try again UGH

    I was rejected a lot during the uni application process in y13, and it definitely took a toll on my mental health. From January until the end of exams in June i experienced extremely low moods and basically felt numb the entire time. All I remember thinking during exams was that I felt like I wasn't in my body. That sounds weird but it's like I couldn't control it consciously, even during revision I found it incredibly hard to focus and had to read things multiple times to understand them which never used to happen before. I guess the thing that I am most worried about is that I will remain unhappy and not get through uni. If I'm still depressed I really don't think I could get through it but I don't know how to ask for help. I also kinda feel annoyed at myself for not being motivated even though at the time I literally couldn't get myself out of bed. I guess, most people, after facing rejection, are able to get up again and achieve even better than previously expected. But Ive realised I'm not one of those people. After I was rejected so many times I started to believe I actually wasn't worthy of recieving my predicted grades and basically gave up. And I'm really annoyed at myself for that.
    I know this is a dumb problem, feels so silly writing it all out but I also just had to put it somewhere cause I haven't been able to say it to anyone.
    • #35
    #35

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Dear everyone

    You think having abortion is easy. I dont want to but have to. Need to. Why? Idk.
    I just sat poking them, they feel me, i feel them. They move. How can i just kill them, aren't i killing myself too? I don't have the heart but have to obey to my mind.
    But in all honesty i love them to much for that :cry2:
    I'll just have to be heartless for a bit...
    Not to be judgemental or rude but, if you can feel them and they can feel you, isn't it too late?
    • #35
    #35

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got my A Level results and I got 3As. I feel really disappointed but conflicted at the same time. I got into my first choice uni, but I was predicted 2A*s and an A which meant I dropped 2 grades. I know I'm being ungrateful because I am really happy to start uni in September, but I can't help feeling like I didn't achieve my full potential. Also doesn't help that all my friends got A*s. I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP THINKING THIS and I know I'm being idiotic especially considering I was extremely down and unmotivated during exams, I just wish I could try again UGH

    I was rejected a lot during the uni application process in y13, and it definitely took a toll on my mental health. From January until the end of exams in June i experienced extremely low moods and basically felt numb the entire time. All I remember thinking during exams was that I felt like I wasn't in my body. That sounds weird but it's like I couldn't control it consciously, even during revision I found it incredibly hard to focus and had to read things multiple times to understand them which never used to happen before. I guess the thing that I am most worried about is that I will remain unhappy and not get through uni. If I'm still depressed I really don't think I could get through it but I don't know how to ask for help. I also kinda feel annoyed at myself for not being motivated even though at the time I literally couldn't get myself out of bed. I guess, most people, after facing rejection, are able to get up again and achieve even better than previously expected. But Ive realised I'm not one of those people. After I was rejected so many times I started to believe I actually wasn't worthy of recieving my predicted grades and basically gave up. And I'm really annoyed at myself for that.
    I know this is a dumb problem, feels so silly writing it all out but I also just had to put it somewhere cause I haven't been able to say it to anyone.
    You should be proud you got 3A's doesn't matter what your friends got, and from what you said, how you've been feeling it's amazing that you achieved such a high grade. Have you looked at how much points you were away from an A* if it wasn't too far appeal. Lots of unis will take you I don't understand why'd they reject you! Also no one cares about a-levels once you've started uni, it's the grade you graduate with, think about it, every step we have taken before uni is so that we can get there. After we have got got GCSEs and A-levels it's our chance to prove ourselves. Think about it if you give up now your hard work wouldn't have been worth it, you will be setting yourself up for self destruction if you give up now. There are a lot of supportive groups at uni and uni counsellors if you still feel this way when you get there, don't be hard on yourself, work hard at uni and it'll pay off, that's all that really counts anyway. To be honest I'm jealous of your grades, i get how you feel, but my grades were worst, I got CCD ages ago now going into the final year of uni and I'm hoping to come out with top grade so I don't feel like I did when got my grades. Even though your grades aren't bad at all! But you think they're bad. Just take it as a lesson and let that motivate you at uni to not want to feel like that again. I honestly think you did great though, I'd be jumping for joy if I got 3As! Good luck
    • #113
    #113

    Why you affect me, idk :dontknow: Not sure how it got here, not really sure I want it to carry on. Guess I said I could take it, but I can't. But I cannot tell you tha either. Anyone else, I'd have been quite rude back. Wouldn't have tolerated it at all.
    • #19
    #19

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think I'm developing a crush on a guy who is openly gay ... well that sucks
    nvm, he was a douche.
    • #117
    #117

    I'm so lonely all the time, I can't connect with anyone. I throw myself at anyone who's vaguely interested and I scare them away.
    I'm not even a bad looking girl, but my personality must be so repulsive that no one can bear to spend any time with me.
    I make myself sexually available just to feel some kind of affection from someone
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm so lonely all the time, I can't connect with anyone. I throw myself at anyone who's vaguely interested and I scare them away.
    I'm not even a bad looking girl, but my personality must be so repulsive that no one can bear to spend any time with me.
    I make myself sexually available just to feel some kind of affection from someone
    Just try and resist doing that. Be friendly and approachable to guys without being "easy" and make sure you're choosing them more carefully and establishing what they really want from you
 
 
 
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