Do I tell my (recent) ex boyfriend that I&#x27;m terminating my pregnancy???

OP

Original post by quackers2003

abortion is murder. that child is innocent and should not be punished because of your poor planning in the bedroom.
everyone has a right to life, even those who are merely a few weeks old.

I'm pretty sure I made it clear I didn't want a lecture. there was no 'poor planning' I used contraception used by millions that is 99% effective and raising a child I don't truly want and letting it go hungry and not treated amazingly due to my lack of money and complete preparedness, would also be punishing it

Reply 42

username1044970

18

Original post by Light Lobotomy

English law may hold the woman's choice in higher esteem than the father's, but the average person does not. So no, not objectively. That child is ethically his as much as it is hers. No matter what a sleazeball he is, it's not your call to make. This might even be his wake up call.

Lol, sure

Reply 43

Original post by unimatrix79

I'm pretty sure I made it clear I didn't want a lecture. there was no 'poor planning' I used contraception used by millions that is 99% effective and raising a child I don't truly want and letting it go hungry and not treated amazingly due to my lack of money and complete preparedness, would also be punishing it

Ignore the pro-lifer, they seem to fail to understand that people don't have abortions for the hell of it and the alternative would be raising the child poorly due lack lack of finances etc. I've actually met some that say it is better for them to go into care than to be terminated, lovely people who have probably never seen the inside of a care home.

Reply 44

Light Lobotomy

4

Original post by unimatrix79

I'm not sure if you mean an actual birthed child but that's different because my ex has no idea that I'm pregnant or there is any kind of child in his life :P

Maybe I will. and I don't let other's opinions STOP me doing things but sometimes I certainly let them upset me, especially my friends and people present in my life

It was an example of a similar situation to highlight the principle. You're pregnant with his child, that is no small thing. The law states you can abort it whether he likes it or not, but he at the very least deserves to know what is happening to the child he would have had.

Reply 45

username1044970

18

Original post by unimatrix79

I'm pretty sure I made it clear I didn't want a lecture. there was no 'poor planning' I used contraception used by millions that is 99% effective and raising a child I don't truly want and letting it go hungry and not treated amazingly due to my lack of money and complete preparedness, would also be punishing it

You don't have to justify yourself to these self-righteous prudes. IMO you're making the best possible decision for yourself right now and that's all that matters.

Reply 46

Light Lobotomy

4

Original post by Dima-Blackburn

Lol, sure

I'm not banking on it. I'm saying you'd be an ***hole to deny him the opportunity and the knowledge.

Reply 47

V for souVlaki

Hmm... Personally I guess I would prefer not to know. The moment I would hear that I am a father og an unborn child I should take responsinility and raise it, even if I did't want to.
In my opinion, abortion is definitely a murder. But if the mother would never tell me about the child then you know, I wouldn't be responsible for that murder.

But you know, each person is different. The right thing is probably to tell him since it is his child as well, but sometimes these news can ruin someone's life.
If you keep it to yourself and he never finds out then it makes no difference for him. Something similar to "ignorance is happines" which I tend to find accurate quite often as I grow older...

Tough call, I wish you the best!

Reply 48

OP

Original post by SomeWelshGuy123

I honestly wouldn't care (in a good way, as in i'm not going to shout she shouldn't have an abortion) i'd then tell her that she doesn't have to have an abortion, if she wants to keep it, i'll step up. If she wants an abortion still i'd offer to go to the clinic with her. If I found out after the fact though and wasn't told at the time, i'd be incredibly pissed. Also to the pro-lifer, it isn't murder. It isn't even technically alive yet.

Okay this makes a lot of sense. the reason I might not tell him is because I genuinely don't want to upset him or burden him with any emotions he might feel, would you really be pissed?? I think my ex would care less than you, he is a good person but he defintely wouldn't want the responsibility of a child. I'm not sure if he would want to go to the clinic with me. this is why I think he might just be confused because I don't think any real discussion would come out of it, he miight not have anything to say, and might even think im just trying to prove how I'm pushing him away by telling him what i'm doing to his 'child' like its nothing?

Reply 49

OP

Original post by V for souVlaki

Hmm... Personally I guess I would prefer not to know. The moment I would hear that I am a father og an unborn child I should take responsinility and raise it, even if I did't want to.
In my opinion, abortion is definitely a murder. But if the mother would never tell me about the child then you know, I wouldn't be responsible for that murder.

But you know, each person is different. The right thing is probably to tell him since it is his child as well, but sometimes these news can ruin someone's life.
If you keep it to yourself and he never finds out then it makes no difference for him. Something similar to "ignorance is happines" which I tend to find accurate quite often as I grow older...

Tough call, I wish you the best!

okay, the thing is he wouldn't want to take responsibility and raise it, we have already spoken about it in the past. He doesn't want a child until he is at least 30. so he would agree with it. if it is murder whether I tell him or not, and the child is as much his as it is mine, then he is 'responsible' as well. (he doesn't view it as murder though)

the news has, maybe not ruined my life but has affected me negatively aswell. Apparently I am selfish for not wanting to tell him but by not telling him I am saving him the stress even if it is equally his responsibility

Reply 50

Original post by unimatrix79

Okay this makes a lot of sense. the reason I might not tell him is because I genuinely don't want to upset him or burden him with any emotions he might feel, would you really be pissed?? I think my ex would care less than you, he is a good person but he defintely wouldn't want the responsibility of a child. I'm not sure if he would want to go to the clinic with me. this is why I think he might just be confused because I don't think any real discussion would come out of it, he miight not have anything to say, and might even think im just trying to prove how I'm pushing him away by telling him what i'm doing to his 'child' like its nothing?

I get where you're coming from but why do you think he'd be upset? As you said he'd "care less" than I would so surely he wouldn't be emotional towards it? As for not going to the clinic with you he must be quite a *****y person, with regards to the "pushing him" away part, if you do choose to tell him you would need to explain that it is your choice regardless and that you wanted to tell him because you felt he should know, and that he can either support your decision or f off. As for your post about being selfish, you aren't being selfish. I get where you're coming from as this guy seems like the player type, however I don't think you should care what his reaction would be.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 51

Light Lobotomy

4

Original post by unimatrix79

okay, the thing is he wouldn't want to take responsibility and raise it, we have already spoken about it in the past. He doesn't want a child until he is at least 30. so he would agree with it. if it is murder whether I tell him or not, and the child is as much his as it is mine, then he is 'responsible' as well. (he doesn't view it as murder though)

the news has, maybe not ruined my life but has affected me negatively aswell. Apparently I am selfish for not wanting to tell him but by not telling him I am saving him the stress even if it is equally his responsibility

You shouldn't have to face this alone. He should be helping you through this.

Reply 52

OP

Original post by quackers2003

not really the best decision tho for the innocent child that's gunna be murdered

many children don't get adopted and this affects their mental health. And many who do get adopted still feel unloved and unaccepted. I wouldn't want to give my child away either, that would also be a difficult decision. I'm not on a high horse at all, besides it probably won't be completely healthy once born since I didn't look after my body or my diet completely before I found out i was pregnant. either way I did state I didn't want a lecture and I'm not going to change my mind.

Reply 53

V for souVlaki

Original post by unimatrix79

okay, the thing is he wouldn't want to take responsibility and raise it, we have already spoken about it in the past. He doesn't want a child until he is at least 30. so he would agree with it. if it is murder whether I tell him or not, and the child is as much his as it is mine, then he is 'responsible' as well. (he doesn't view it as murder though)

the news has, maybe not ruined my life but has affected me negatively aswell. Apparently I am selfish for not wanting to tell him but by not telling him I am saving him the stress even if it is equally his responsibility

It is indeed his responsibility as well, but if you never tell him then it's like removing this responsibility. And the stress, as you mentioned. But at the same time it feels wrong...
Honestly I don't know what is the right answer. Better to check all alternatives and decide what suits you best based on the impact to your life, to his life and to your moral code.

P.S: If you decide not to tell him... make sure he never finds out.

Reply 54

Original post by quackers2003

this isn't a lecture, it's basic logic

Mate, you're really not helping. This is a thread specifically about abortion, if you don't agree with it, don't read it.

Reply 55

OP

Original post by SomeWelshGuy123

I get where you're coming from but why do you think he'd be upset? As you said he'd "care less" than I would so surely he wouldn't be emotional towards it? As for not going to the clinic with you he must be quite a *****y person, with regards to the "pushing him" away part, if you do choose to tell him you would need to explain that it is your choice regardless and that you wanted to tell him because you felt he should know, and that he can either support your decision or f off.

well he would care less than you but would probably still care. He is still an emotional person he just really isn't ready to be a father and I don't think an unborn baby would be of too much significance to him. But he could still be upset with me or judge me, I don't know. maybe he would care a lot, it's hard to know until you actually hear the information.

I don't mean to paint him as a *****y person, he has done *****y things but he is a kind person. I just mean since I have tried to avoid contact with him and had arguments and he probably views me as a heartless psycho lol, he might just want to forget about me and not be involved

Reply 56

OP

Original post by quackers2003

this isn't a lecture, it's basic logic

you act like I'm going to skip into that clinic like it's the happiest day of my life. this has caused me a lot of distress and if I continue with the pregnancy whilst still in college, and give birth to a baby everyone knows I had and let my family and everyone I know, know I'm giving it away, I would be way way more distressed for the rest of my life. believe it or not my mental health and my life is important too and I don't want to bring a baby into it right now, please try and understand and if not, leave the thread

Reply 57

Original post by unimatrix79

well he would care less than you but would probably still care. He is still an emotional person he just really isn't ready to be a father and I don't think an unborn baby would be of too much significance to him. But he could still be upset with me or judge me, I don't know. maybe he would care a lot, it's hard to know until you actually hear the information.

I don't mean to paint him as a *****y person, he has done *****y things but he is a kind person. I just mean since I have tried to avoid contact with him and had arguments and he probably views me as a heartless psycho lol, he might just want to forget about me and not be involved

If he isn't a *****y person, I do believe he would want to support you, any decent guy would. Maybe you could ask to meet him and tell him what you're planning on doing and ask if he wants to come with you? If he doesn't at least he knows, if he does you'll have someone for support.

Reply 58

quackers2003

12

Original post by unimatrix79

you act like I'm going to skip into that clinic like it's the happiest day of my life. this has caused me a lot of distress and if I continue with the pregnancy whilst still in college, and give birth to a baby everyone knows I had and let my family and everyone I know, know I'm giving it away, I would be way way more distressed for the rest of my life. believe it or not my mental health and my life is important too and I don't want to bring a baby into it right now, please try and understand and if not, leave the thread

your family and friends will help not hinder you!

Reply 59

OP