Confused about friendships??

I'm currently in Year 13 (17 female), I study at a college 3 days a week and for the rest of the time I'm home working. I'm on a college course so there's no 'community' feel and I'm always with the same people, none of which I have been able to/ want to have a friendship with.

Half of me is very satisfied and content to have no friends (I have had many friendship issues and frankly gave up with the whole thing years ago), as it gives me more time to study and work.

On the other hand, the other half of me yearns for female friends. I have a boyfriend but it would be nice to have someone else to talk to, get second opinions from etc, as the only person I've really spoken to outside of family has been him for the past 3 years.

I start uni in Spetember and I'm confused if I should even bother making an effort as everytime it ends in tears. Although I've heard that it's different at uni etc. Even if I did get friends I have no idea how to balance a work/ social schedule and I don't want to end up failing!

What should I do?

Reply 1

Student200112

12

Friendships are one of the most complex relations you can share with people. At times they can be fun and loving and both of you will end having a great connection but at times these connections with the people you share with can either fade away or snap. Sometimes they are due to natural reason - you both grow apart or don’t share the same interest. There are times friendships due end up in fights and tears. Honestly I believe friendship are one of the few steps in helping you develop as a person- in order to grow as a person you will experience different things in life whether it is a bad or a good friendship. You seem very nervous about making new friends do not worry - making friends help you grow social skills and the beat of friendships are the one that bring the best in you and help you. Whilst school and education are a priority to some people - you will need time to relax your mind from the studying and hang out with people that make laugh and smile- people who care for . Do not worry it is a natural process, forming the right friendships won’t necessarily mess up your work schedule. Hoped this helped

Reply 2

JazzRabb

OP

8

Original post by Student200112

Friendships are one of the most complex relations you can share with people. At times they can be fun and loving and both of you will end having a great connection but at times these connections with the people you share with can either fade away or snap. Sometimes they are due to natural reason - you both grow apart or don’t share the same interest. There are times friendships due end up in fights and tears. Honestly I believe friendship are one of the few steps in helping you develop as a person- in order to grow as a person you will experience different things in life whether it is a bad or a good friendship. You seem very nervous about making new friends do not worry - making friends help you grow social skills and the beat of friendships are the one that bring the best in you and help you. Whilst school and education are a priority to some people - you will need time to relax your mind from the studying and hang out with people that make laugh and smile- people who care for . Do not worry it is a natural process, forming the right friendships won’t necessarily mess up your work schedule. Hoped this helped

Wow thanks for taking the time to write this! I'm mostly worried of giving myself false hope, as in starting a new friendship with a great new person but then a few months down the line they get bored and move on. This is pretty much what has happened most other times. I guess I'll just have to wait to find some people who like me for me!

Reply 3

JazzRabb

OP

8

I'm quite independent and motivated, not to mention socially inexperienced, so ever since GCSEs I've really seen them as secondary, as I've had a boyfriend since Year 10 so I guess I saw the social/ friendship box ticked. I think I've kind of been telling myself I will find amazing friends for life at uni which also isn't realistic. I think what you said about reflecting on what I find valuable in a person and a friendship is a very good idea and something I probably need to start thinking about more. I am more than used to spending lunches and breaks alone haha, I usually spend them working. Thank you for your reply, this is very helpful :smile:

I wish you and your partner all the best!

Reply 4

JazzRabb

OP

8

Yeah, that's a really good idea, saying that, looking back, I think my issue was probably getting too hopeful/ attached/ excited too quickly, which made it difficult when they got bored... or maybe they got overwhelmed? Either way, it would be a good idea to try what you said! Thank you again!! :smile:

Reply 5

SoftGingerCat

19

Wanting friends is a natural thing and is defintely something you should never give up on. As someone who has been in multiple friendship groups, I can guess you know what the signs are that a friendship isnt for you and you need to trust yourself in choosing the right set of people. It can be hard but I would seriously go for it and try new friends, new things and new everything. Its 2019 isnt it? Still the beginning of the year and your only 17! No need to give up yet!

Reply 6

JazzRabb

OP

8

Original post by SoftGingerCat

Wanting friends is a natural thing and is defintely something you should never give up on. As someone who has been in multiple friendship groups, I can guess you know what the signs are that a friendship isnt for you and you need to trust yourself in choosing the right set of people. It can be hard but I would seriously go for it and try new friends, new things and new everything. Its 2019 isnt it? Still the beginning of the year and your only 17! No need to give up yet!

you're right, i just feel very on and off about it - one day I'll want them the next day I won't which I guess makes it difficult to be my friend? I guess with the right people I won't give up! Thanks :smile:

Confused about friendships??

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