Overprotective Parents

I’m making this post because I’m about to combust and need to vent. I am a 17 year old male, turning 18 within the next few months, and my parents (primarily my Mum) are so overprotective.

My Mum moans at me for everything I do, and it’s making me feel like I have no freedom. When I go to my friends house/house parties she moans about drinking and doesn’t allow me to (I do it anyway; my Dad/brother gets me drink). When I go out and do other leisure activities like going to the cinema etc, she moans that I’m spending money. She nitpicks everything I do and it’s honesly made me have multiple breakdowns. When I’m out at the weekend she doesn’t even let me stay out until after 11:30 (I have now started saying I’m just staying at a friends house as I will be able to stay out longer). I know I’m not 18, and technically still underage but I just don’t understand why she’s not giving me any freedom at all and acting like I’m 13 or something.

She is always comparing me to my brother saying he didn’t go out until he was 18, but he is definitely not anywhere near as social as me hence why he barely went out when he was 17.

All she expects me to do is sit in all day & all night and study. If I’m at home and not studying she’ll have a go at me and starts questioning me as to why I’m not studying. Even at night if it’s quite late.

I feel so embarrassed when I tell my friends I can’t stay out as long as them and it sometimes comes across like I don’t want their company (when in fact I want it so badly).

My Mum is SO judgemental. She questions everything about people in my school, especially the girls. She goes onto their Facebook page and starts looking at their pictures, and she starts judging them and making fun of them for their features.

I honestly cannot stand how controlling & overprotective she is of me and I just wish she would give me some freedom. Anyway, rant over. Does anyone else have really controlling/overprotective parents?

I'm sorry to hear this - when anyone is in this situation it can sure be hard to remember they do it because they want to protect you, show their love and look after you - all parents feel that way, but perhaps yours is just particularly strong about the way she shows it. :smile:

I think you need to voice this with your mum - tell her how its making you feel. Ask her for more freedom when you turn 18 - you will be an adult. Remind her that you are able to make your own choices and promise to take responsibility for your actions, that you recognize everything you do has consequences.

Try and be gentle about it - she may not realize that actually sometimes her controlling nature can be debilitating and you need a break. Open up to her more about your friendship group, what you get up to and how great your crowd is. Keep positive and any questions, answer them as fully and calmly as you can to reassure her that there is nothing to be worried about :smile:

I am almost 17, I go to parties and I drink alcohol in my parents knowledge, so I don't have super overprotective parents but I do try and see their point of view when it comes to boundaries. Keep your head up and remember that communication is key!

Reply with any questions. :smile:

Reply 2

Sammylou40

20

As you’re under 18 you need your parents permission to drink alcohol. Do you drink too much?
When it comes to money are you wasteful? Do you spend money you’ve earned or do you ask them for money? If it’s your own do you ask for more when it’s gone? Do you spend a lot on unnecessary things?
Do you want to stay out late when it’s not appropriate? School nights for example. Do you genuinely study enough or is the nagging warranted?
Whatever your age you need to abide by the rules of the house in which you live. And you know the solution if you don’t like it!
You’re asking to be treated as an independent adult and so you need to behave like one.
There are conversations needed between you and negotiation to be had.
However, your parents are responsible for you and your behaviour so you’ll need to compromise

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by yzanne

I'm sorry to hear this - when anyone is in this situation it can sure be hard to remember they do it because they want to protect you, show their love and look after you - all parents feel that way, but perhaps yours is just particularly strong about the way she shows it. :smile:

I think you need to voice this with your mum - tell her how its making you feel. Ask her for more freedom when you turn 18 - you will be an adult. Remind her that you are able to make your own choices and promise to take responsibility for your actions, that you recognize everything you do has consequences.

Try and be gentle about it - she may not realize that actually sometimes her controlling nature can be debilitating and you need a break. Open up to her more about your friendship group, what you get up to and how great your crowd is. Keep positive and any questions, answer them as fully and calmly as you can to reassure her that there is nothing to be worried about :smile:

I am almost 17, I go to parties and I drink alcohol in my parents knowledge, so I don't have super overprotective parents but I do try and see their point of view when it comes to boundaries. Keep your head up and remember that communication is key!

Reply with any questions. :smile:

I have tried so many times to communicate how I feel and she just dismisses everything I say because she thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Sammylou40

As you’re under 18 you need your parents permission to drink alcohol. Do you drink too much?
When it comes to money are you wasteful? Do you spend money you’ve earned or do you ask them for money? If it’s your own do you ask for more when it’s gone? Do you spend a lot on unnecessary things?
Do you want to stay out late when it’s not appropriate? School nights for example. Do you genuinely study enough or is the nagging warranted?
Whatever your age you need to abide by the rules of the house in which you live. And you know the solution if you don’t like it!
You’re asking to be treated as an independent adult and so you need to behave like one.
There are conversations needed between you and negotiation to be had.
However, your parents are responsible for you and your behaviour so you’ll need to compromise

(Original post by Sammylou40)
As you’re under 18 you need your parents permission to drink alcohol. Do you drink too much?
When it comes to money are you wasteful? Do you spend money you’ve earned or do you ask them for money? If it’s your own do you ask for more when it’s gone? Do you spend a lot on unnecessary things?
Do you want to stay out late when it’s not appropriate? School nights for example. Do you genuinely study enough or is the nagging warranted?
Whatever your age you need to abide by the rules of the house in which you live. And you know the solution if you don’t like it!
You’re asking to be treated as an independent adult and so you need to behave like one.
There are conversations needed between you and negotiation to be had.
However, your parents are responsible for you and your behaviour so you’ll need to compromise
Depends on the occasion. If I’m at a party or something I’ll have enough to make me a bit tipsy - not to completely black myself out. The only time I can recall where I had too much was at New Year, when I got absolutely shitfaced, which I definitely don’t plan on doing again.

I have my own job, and my hourly rate is very good (for my age anyway) so I always use my own money, and I would say I’m quite responsible with my money. I don’t overspend but can sometimes get a bit carried away with online shopping and buy clothes I don’t necessarily need. I never ask my parents for money because I have my own. But what I don’t understand is my Mum gets so angry when I spend my money, saying I could’ve saved it or whatever. I don’t get why she’s angry at ME for spending my OWN money...like it makes no sense.

I only really go out at the weekends, sometimes during the week but only to like the cinema or for dinner. So I wouldn’t say the times I want to stay out are inappropriate.

I am more than capable of studying without anyone telling me. In fact, I feel less motivated to study when someone tells me because then I feel like it’s a chore or something.

Overprotective Parents

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