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For Muslims: How do i stop being/having gay (thoughts)
Hello. Im a 16-year-old male, Im a Muslim, im proud of my religion and I would never go against it. However, since I was young I realized I had no sexual inclinations towards women but towards men :/.
I have explicit thoughts about other men which I try to control as much I can. I know its haram and that it's a grave sin but I don't know what to do.
I would never act on these thoughts and I've been ignoring it all my life but im seriously so annoyed by it that it made consider castrate myself...
I want to ask other Muslims (anonymously) what to do because I really don't know what to do.
PS: im 100% sure im not attracted to women in any way or form.
I have explicit thoughts about other men which I try to control as much I can. I know its haram and that it's a grave sin but I don't know what to do.
I would never act on these thoughts and I've been ignoring it all my life but im seriously so annoyed by it that it made consider castrate myself...
I want to ask other Muslims (anonymously) what to do because I really don't know what to do.
PS: im 100% sure im not attracted to women in any way or form.
Scroll to see replies
Just cut your **** off. There problem solved
haha actually thinking about lol
Original post by Anonymous
Just cut your **** off. There problem solved
Everyone has their own trials in life and most often than not we do not choose them - some people are born with disabilities, some aquire them later; some are grew up with two parents, some with one and others with none; some people faced sexual abuse growing up, others faced racial or religious abuse; some grew up really short, others grew up really fat or with other health issues; some people have to fight with their wealth and lives in the path of Allah and lose everything, and so on.
The only thing in your control is your actions:
- What you consume of media (e.g. if you choose to watch certain YouTubers or TV programs etc) which could feed your Nafs/subconscious.
- How much you look at or away from things which attract you.
- Who you take as friends.
- Your body language/way that you talk.
- How much Ibadah you do.
- How much Dua you make.
With this in mind, you can keep making Dua that Allah makes it easier for you or changes you, and He is powerful over all things. You have to believe that Allah is capable of answering your Dua but also that He knows best and perhaps He may choose to delay answering your Dua or perhaps He may choose not to answer it because it is better for your Akhirah to go through this trial.
The list I made is essentially a list of things which can affect any human being on a subconscious level regardless of sexuality and it can influence their inclination to or away from any kind of sin.
The only thing in your control is your actions:
- What you consume of media (e.g. if you choose to watch certain YouTubers or TV programs etc) which could feed your Nafs/subconscious.
- How much you look at or away from things which attract you.
- Who you take as friends.
- Your body language/way that you talk.
- How much Ibadah you do.
- How much Dua you make.
With this in mind, you can keep making Dua that Allah makes it easier for you or changes you, and He is powerful over all things. You have to believe that Allah is capable of answering your Dua but also that He knows best and perhaps He may choose to delay answering your Dua or perhaps He may choose not to answer it because it is better for your Akhirah to go through this trial.
The list I made is essentially a list of things which can affect any human being on a subconscious level regardless of sexuality and it can influence their inclination to or away from any kind of sin.
I’m not a Muslim but I am gay and quite honestly you have to accept that there is nothing wrong with having these thoughts. It’s my understanding that as a Muslim (forgive me if I’m mistaken) that you believe everything is part of Allah’s plan. Therefore surely this is no exception.
I would argue that an all loving God would accept you for whoever you are and there are plenty of gay Muslims in this world.
So my advice although it may be non Muslim would be to not let your religion suppress you. Maybe there’s a religious leader you could discuss it with further if you are worried about sinning ?
But never let anyone tell you that being gay is unnatural or wrong !
I would argue that an all loving God would accept you for whoever you are and there are plenty of gay Muslims in this world.
So my advice although it may be non Muslim would be to not let your religion suppress you. Maybe there’s a religious leader you could discuss it with further if you are worried about sinning ?
But never let anyone tell you that being gay is unnatural or wrong !
Thoughts are one thing but to act upon them is another. Find the root cause of such thoughts.
You can have the thoughts that’s nit haraam. But acting upon them isn’t haraam
Do you think that a good muslim who has premarital sex is commiting a grave sin. Do you think a muslim women who does not where the hijab and reveals her ankles or anything below her collar bone is commiting a grave sin?
Going against one part of the Quran yet following its main principles and being a moral and ethical individual will make you a much better Muslim than someone who acts like a strict muslim but instead acts arrogantly, is rude to others, judges others actions without knowing the whole story, does not condemn and acts ignorant towards actions in their own social group.
Do you think owning a slave is fine? Do you think a daughter receiving less inheritance than a son is fair? The Quran allows slavery and supports unfair inheritance against women, does that mean it is still right in this day and age?
Do not approach religion and the Quran in such binaric way of moral duty vs grievous sin for surely God will not and instead judge you on your contributions towards the people of this Earth. In Christianity there is an idea of how we are all sinners and though in Islam there is no concept of original sin, you should know that in the current world nearly all muslims you meet have committed 'sins'. Many would have lied to their parents, not show genuine respect for a teacher, recite the Quran robotically rather than with the heart or had premarital sex, oppressed women (subconsciously [discourage their daughter from doing a specific job and instead tell them to start a family] or consciously).
My teachers always say that the greatest gift God has given us is not the Quran or the Prophet pbuh but instead is the intellect that we have. If you are suffering so much from having gay thoughts and feel that self-mutilation is the only answer then you are not using your intellect correctly. Do what makes you happy, help yourself achieve happiness first and foremost and then help others. All the instructions in the Quran are not there to inflate Allah's ego, he does not want us to pray 5 times a day because he likes people to pray to us, he does not want us to do Hajj because he likes people following his instructions. All of the instructions in the Quran are there to allow us to make our own lives and the lives around us more fulfilling. If you are happier being gay then be gay. No one is made worse off by you being gay and you and your eventual partner in the future will be better of. (do not conflate this with do drugs as it makes no one worse off and makes you better off: drugs cause addiction, social isolation, financial distress and general health issues in the long run)
By you messaging on TSR you've already made the first step by not repressing it and to anyone reading this that is never the solution. Be good to yourself as you are God's greatest creation and you're happiness and fulfillment is definitely more important than arbitrary instructions.
Also, do some critical reading of religion and Islam. I'm sure you've read the Quran already and many hadiths but it is important to understand and acknowledge the intellectual arguments of both sides and remaining in a religous echo chamber is bad for your intellect.
Going against one part of the Quran yet following its main principles and being a moral and ethical individual will make you a much better Muslim than someone who acts like a strict muslim but instead acts arrogantly, is rude to others, judges others actions without knowing the whole story, does not condemn and acts ignorant towards actions in their own social group.
Do you think owning a slave is fine? Do you think a daughter receiving less inheritance than a son is fair? The Quran allows slavery and supports unfair inheritance against women, does that mean it is still right in this day and age?
Do not approach religion and the Quran in such binaric way of moral duty vs grievous sin for surely God will not and instead judge you on your contributions towards the people of this Earth. In Christianity there is an idea of how we are all sinners and though in Islam there is no concept of original sin, you should know that in the current world nearly all muslims you meet have committed 'sins'. Many would have lied to their parents, not show genuine respect for a teacher, recite the Quran robotically rather than with the heart or had premarital sex, oppressed women (subconsciously [discourage their daughter from doing a specific job and instead tell them to start a family] or consciously).
My teachers always say that the greatest gift God has given us is not the Quran or the Prophet pbuh but instead is the intellect that we have. If you are suffering so much from having gay thoughts and feel that self-mutilation is the only answer then you are not using your intellect correctly. Do what makes you happy, help yourself achieve happiness first and foremost and then help others. All the instructions in the Quran are not there to inflate Allah's ego, he does not want us to pray 5 times a day because he likes people to pray to us, he does not want us to do Hajj because he likes people following his instructions. All of the instructions in the Quran are there to allow us to make our own lives and the lives around us more fulfilling. If you are happier being gay then be gay. No one is made worse off by you being gay and you and your eventual partner in the future will be better of. (do not conflate this with do drugs as it makes no one worse off and makes you better off: drugs cause addiction, social isolation, financial distress and general health issues in the long run)
By you messaging on TSR you've already made the first step by not repressing it and to anyone reading this that is never the solution. Be good to yourself as you are God's greatest creation and you're happiness and fulfillment is definitely more important than arbitrary instructions.
Also, do some critical reading of religion and Islam. I'm sure you've read the Quran already and many hadiths but it is important to understand and acknowledge the intellectual arguments of both sides and remaining in a religous echo chamber is bad for your intellect.
Let's get a couple of brute facts out of the way first:
1. You will never be able to stop these thoughts
2. You will never be attracted to women
The people who try to convince you otherwise do not at all care about your wellbeing. Living a closeted life and forcing yourself into heterosexual relationships/marriage is a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
There are many LGBTQ+ Muslims out there living a good, happy and fulfilling life. I advise you to check out this site of Imaan London and go to their forums:
http://imaanlondon.proboards.com/
Everyone deserves love and affection and partnership.
You can definitely be both gay and Muslim and live your life however you please.
1. You will never be able to stop these thoughts
2. You will never be attracted to women
The people who try to convince you otherwise do not at all care about your wellbeing. Living a closeted life and forcing yourself into heterosexual relationships/marriage is a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
There are many LGBTQ+ Muslims out there living a good, happy and fulfilling life. I advise you to check out this site of Imaan London and go to their forums:
http://imaanlondon.proboards.com/
Everyone deserves love and affection and partnership.
You can definitely be both gay and Muslim and live your life however you please.
You can't stop being gay, you are who you are and thats completely okay,
you can still be gay and muslim, its okay
you can still be gay and muslim, its okay
You can't change tour sexuality.
You can change your religion.
You can change your religion.
Original post by Anonymous
My teachers always say that the greatest gift God has given us is not the Quran or the Prophet pbuh but instead is the intellect that we have. If you are suffering so much from having gay thoughts and feel that self-mutilation is the only answer then you are not using your intellect correctly. Do what makes you happy, help yourself achieve happiness first and foremost and then help others.
All of your post is just <3 but this is just so extra beautiful and elegant.
I don't understand why some Muslims think homosexuality is a sin and then they don't believe the other sins in the Quran count...
Original post by Zamestaneh
Everyone has their own trials in life and most often than not we do not choose them - some people are born with disabilities, some aquire them later; some are grew up with two parents, some with one and others with none; some people faced sexual abuse growing up, others faced racial or religious abuse; some grew up really short, others grew up really fat or with other health issues; some people have to fight with their wealth and lives in the path of Allah and lose everything, and so on.
The only thing in your control is your actions:
- What you consume of media (e.g. if you choose to watch certain YouTubers or TV programs etc) which could feed your Nafs/subconscious.
- How much you look at or away from things which attract you.
- Who you take as friends.
- Your body language/way that you talk.
- How much Ibadah you do.
- How much Dua you make.
With this in mind, you can keep making Dua that Allah makes it easier for you or changes you, and He is powerful over all things. You have to believe that Allah is capable of answering your Dua but also that He knows best and perhaps He may choose to delay answering your Dua or perhaps He may choose not to answer it because it is better for your Akhirah to go through this trial.
The list I made is essentially a list of things which can affect any human being on a subconscious level regardless of sexuality and it can influence their inclination to or away from any kind of sin.
The only thing in your control is your actions:
- What you consume of media (e.g. if you choose to watch certain YouTubers or TV programs etc) which could feed your Nafs/subconscious.
- How much you look at or away from things which attract you.
- Who you take as friends.
- Your body language/way that you talk.
- How much Ibadah you do.
- How much Dua you make.
With this in mind, you can keep making Dua that Allah makes it easier for you or changes you, and He is powerful over all things. You have to believe that Allah is capable of answering your Dua but also that He knows best and perhaps He may choose to delay answering your Dua or perhaps He may choose not to answer it because it is better for your Akhirah to go through this trial.
The list I made is essentially a list of things which can affect any human being on a subconscious level regardless of sexuality and it can influence their inclination to or away from any kind of sin.
Absolutely none of this will stop anyone being gay or having gay thoughts. There is no "influencing inclination away" from being gay or being attracted to the same sex.
Some more links for support groups:
https://www.hidayahlgbt.co.uk/
https://www.reddit.com/r/LGBT_Muslims/
http://www.mpvusa.org/lgbtqi-resources
https://www.hidayahlgbt.co.uk/
https://www.reddit.com/r/LGBT_Muslims/
http://www.mpvusa.org/lgbtqi-resources
Original post by Alpha Lamb Meme
Let's get a couple of brute facts out of the way first:
1. You will never be able to stop these thoughts
2. You will never be attracted to women
The people who try to convince you otherwise do not at all care about your wellbeing. Living a closeted life and forcing yourself into heterosexual relationships/marriage is a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
There are many LGBTQ+ Muslims out there living a good, happy and fulfilling life. I advise you to check out this site of Imaan London and go to their forums:
http://imaanlondon.proboards.com/
Everyone deserves love and affection and partnership.
You can definitely be both gay and Muslim and live your life however you please.
1. You will never be able to stop these thoughts
2. You will never be attracted to women
The people who try to convince you otherwise do not at all care about your wellbeing. Living a closeted life and forcing yourself into heterosexual relationships/marriage is a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
There are many LGBTQ+ Muslims out there living a good, happy and fulfilling life. I advise you to check out this site of Imaan London and go to their forums:
http://imaanlondon.proboards.com/
Everyone deserves love and affection and partnership.
You can definitely be both gay and Muslim and live your life however you please.
1. Many things are affected by the subconscious so they can be controlled to an extent if one is conscious of what one reinforces. Also Allah can remove them if He wills.
2. Sexuality is fluid and scientists report that both men and women over a 10 year period can change sexuality, though it is more prevalent in women.
3. He doesn't have to marry.
4. Not everyone can live 'normal' lives because of things outside of their control e.g. being born with disabilities, in a warzone, etc (as I listed above).
5. You cannot try to justify homosexual relationships Islamically by saying love and relationships are something one deserves. Only God can tell people what they deserve, and nowhere has He said that anyone deserves anything, except the doers of good deserve His mercy and the wrongdoers deserve His punishment.
6. You can live your life as you please, and you can believe as you please but both have consequences - it is the difference between living righteously or badly, or living as a Muslim or a non-Muslim.
There are actually biological reasons why people are homosexual- the hormone progesterone may be in higher levels than for a heterosexual person.
Look mate, you cannot change your sexual orientation. All these imams might claim that as long as you stay close to Allah, you'll change etc but nah.
You just have to accept who you are. Despite what people say, there isn't any problem. There are much worse things you can be I'm sure we'll agree there.
The Quran came about so long ago- things have changed since then. You can't apply rules from 7th century Saudi to current day.
The post about you saying you wish to castrate yourself if actually very sad and scary- you haven't done anything wrong!
Look mate, you cannot change your sexual orientation. All these imams might claim that as long as you stay close to Allah, you'll change etc but nah.
You just have to accept who you are. Despite what people say, there isn't any problem. There are much worse things you can be I'm sure we'll agree there.
The Quran came about so long ago- things have changed since then. You can't apply rules from 7th century Saudi to current day.
The post about you saying you wish to castrate yourself if actually very sad and scary- you haven't done anything wrong!
Original post by Zamestaneh
1. Many things are affected by the subconscious so they can be controlled to an extent if one is conscious of what one reinforces. Also Allah can remove them if He wills.
2. Sexuality is fluid and scientists report that both men and women over a 10 year period can change sexuality, though it is more prevalent in women.
3. He doesn't have to marry.
4. Not everyone can live 'normal' lives because of things outside of their control e.g. being born with disabilities, in a warzone, etc (as I listed above).
5. You cannot try to justify homosexual relationships Islamically by saying love and relationships are something one deserves. Only God can tell people what they deserve, and nowhere has He said that anyone deserves anything, except the doers of good deserve His mercy and the wrongdoers deserve His punishment.
6. You can live your life as you please, and you can believe as you please but both have consequences - it is the difference between living righteously or badly, or living as a Muslim or a non-Muslim.
2. Sexuality is fluid and scientists report that both men and women over a 10 year period can change sexuality, though it is more prevalent in women.
3. He doesn't have to marry.
4. Not everyone can live 'normal' lives because of things outside of their control e.g. being born with disabilities, in a warzone, etc (as I listed above).
5. You cannot try to justify homosexual relationships Islamically by saying love and relationships are something one deserves. Only God can tell people what they deserve, and nowhere has He said that anyone deserves anything, except the doers of good deserve His mercy and the wrongdoers deserve His punishment.
6. You can live your life as you please, and you can believe as you please but both have consequences - it is the difference between living righteously or badly, or living as a Muslim or a non-Muslim.
This is not outside of his control. This is you and others with your fundamentalist interpretations trying to make it seem like it's out of his control.
He's very much in control of who he is and how he can be happy. This includes accepting himself as gay and yes being in a gay relationship or even marriage.
You don't own the Islamic narrative, as if there is such an independent thing. It's a deeply personal issue. You have absolutely no right to tell anyone that they are not Muslim.
Original post by Alpha Lamb Meme
This is not outside of his control. This is you and others with your fundamentalist interpretations trying to make it seem like it's out of his control.
He's very much in control of who he is and how he can be happy. This includes accepting himself as gay and yes being in a gay relationship or even marriage.
You don't own the Islamic narrative, as if there is such an independent thing. It's a deeply personal issue. You have absolutely no right to tell anyone that they are not Muslim.
He's very much in control of who he is and how he can be happy. This includes accepting himself as gay and yes being in a gay relationship or even marriage.
You don't own the Islamic narrative, as if there is such an independent thing. It's a deeply personal issue. You have absolutely no right to tell anyone that they are not Muslim.
Revisit your first paragraph because what you said doesn't make sense - if it is in his control, you are saying his sexuality is his choice rather than outside of his choice, unless I have misunderstood you.
Gay relationships and gay marriage can be done in the knowledge that they are sinful. If one does that, then they are a sinner but still Muslim. If one does that but believes it is Halal and that God is fine with it, then by consensus of every scholar for 1400 years that person has committed Kufr by making something known to be Haram by consensus into something Halal.
I agree, I don't, but when there is Ijmah on an issue, you cannot go against it. And yes, if a person commits clear disbelief e.g. if a person started invoking Raa, Osiris and Horus and claimed they were Muslim, then they are a non-Muslim (again by consensus), and similarly if they take themselves as a God by choosing Halal and Haram for themselves (which only God has a right to do), it invalidates their belief.
I think that whether you are a muslim or not, it's better to just accept the thoughts as a natural part of yourself.
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