Little sister has ruined our family.

I think you’re being a little bit selfish. How old is your sister? Maybe she has mild autism or some other undiagnosed problem. I get that it’s hard but clearly she’s got something wrong with her even if it’s ADHD that’s still not her fault.

I don't want to give away too many details about me or our family just in case someone finds this. I just need to vent.

My sister is in her preteens, I'm in my mid-late teens.

I love my mum, I love her so much and I'd do anything for her. She's been through so much that she doesn't deserve. She tried to commit suicide when we were both young but has recovered miraculously since then and is stable, but my sister has been steadily rocking that boat for a few years.

My sister doesn't attend school and hasn't for 2 years or so, my mum is being summoned to court soon. We've done all we can to get help for my sister, social workers lie and are unresponsive, teachers have belittled my sister in front of her class so I can't fully blame her but...

She's awful. My mum is too soft on her to the point my sister is unable to wipe her own backside, her diet is awful consisting of Crisps and Sprite ONLY and it's been like since last year. Every time I've tried to teach her how to wipe her rear I'm screamed at not only by her but my mum as well. My mum is always promising change and promising we'll teach her but it's never happened. I get angry, I get stressed. My sister hits scratches and kicks us, screams and cries when she doesn't get what she wants.

I've become a bit of a recluse, I stay in my room all day and browse the internet, I have no friends in real life and any attempt to make some has failed.

On top of all this my grandfather is in hospital and is going to pass away soon despite us being told he's getting better. My granny is kind to me and my sister but only a little to my mum, a lot of the time she berates her and my mum vents to me about how hard her life is and all the terrible things my granny has said to her.

I'm at the end of my line with stress and worry....I don't have any bad thoughts but a lot of the time I just want to sit in my room and curl into a ball and do nothing. A lot of responsibility has been thrown on me, I'm unable to sleep and have a few health complications where I lose a lot of blood so I'm tired all the time.

Any advice? This was just a vent post really.

Well i think you should let go, it's not up to you to change anything.

Life's short.

Your sister is having a hard time you know, she's also stressed for acting that way probably you know...and i know it makes you sad all this that is happening... But you know time will flow and what needs to be done it will...

Let me tell you this the more you focus on her , the more your sister is not going to relax.

Why?

Well my mother all the time is bugging my head to speak to her, blah blah the more she forces herself on me the more i want to run away... the more she calls me the more i don't want to answer the phone... but there are times when she stops doing that and i call her and we talk you know and it feels much better.. and i would even you know pick up the phone even when i don't feel to... you know...

I have my own problems i hate my life , so yeah i think you should let it go enjoy your life, think about your life on how to make it better without getting worry... don't make the bigger than already it is.. depression is a big thing... but if your mother can convince her to do some therapy it would be nice if your sister accept..

I also want therapy but i don't think i have the money to waste on that part , i try to fix it on my own... because i also have some damm health issues...

Firstly, you are allowed to vent and be frustrated about this as it is a very difficult situation.

Remember that you're not responsible for the wellbeing of your sister or your Mum. You can care about them as you are doing, but not at the expense of yourself.

The concerning things here are that your Mum has a lot going on and is venting to you about them, and that your current support systems are not meeting the needs of your family.

As hard as it is, you have to just step back and allow courts, doctors and other professionals to be involved and to do their jobs. Hopefully they will discuss things with all of you and the solutions will benefit everyone. There is little you can do to sway their decisions so worrying about it is not good for you.

As others have said, your sister may get on better if taken into care or from the involvement of more suitable professionals. This is for your Mum and the professionals to discuss though. You aren't responsible for anything that has happened or will happen and have no need to feel bad about any of it.

I would suggest talking to someone about the issues and worries to help you all cope. It may be that you seek help or that your Mum or others seek help for your family. There is no shame in this and it is likely to help you. Talking to the professionals involved with your family or to your GP would be best here as they can direct you to the support you need.

If you have no Young Carers, Mental Health support or Youth groups available to you, you can get help for yourself via the GP or via calling helplines such as The Mix, Young Minds, Kooth or Childline. Some of these are websites and forums and some have phone numbers. Again there is no shame in this and I really recommend talking to someone about the issues and worries.

Please remember that seeking help and talking about things is a sign of strength not weakness and that you aren't letting anyone down by doing this. Your first priority needs to be your own wellbeing!

As for the situation with your grandfather, I can only recommend not dwelling on the fact that he is ill as you can't change this. Use the time he has left to make positive memories and focus on that.
Either seek bereavement support or take it if it is offered as this should help you with the grief. You can seek it via the GP or other professionals involved with your family. Above all, be kind to yourself as you are dealing with a lot here and his death will be tougher still.

Sending positive thoughts to you OP, take care of yourself!