Don’t want my friends to come round for my birthday
It’s my 18th tomorrow and I’ll be spending it in quarantine. My friends will be coming round to drop my presents off, like I did for their birthdays, but today I realised that they want to stay for a while. As in come into my garden/house and chat for a few hours. I know I sound like a nasty person when I say this but I really don’t want them to stay. The main reason being that my dad is at high risk of the virus so my anxiety has been through the roof since the beginning of lockdown. I know they have been in contact with several people/broken the rules of lockdown, so they could potentially have it. I would feel a lot more comfortable if they simply dropped their presents off like I did on their birthdays. But they’ve already decided amongst themselves that they're going to be staying for a while.
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
(edited 3 years ago)
I actually agree with you here and I think you're being really sensible about everything. I don't think you're being a bad friend here at all. Your friends have good intentions, but, if they respect you and value you as a friend, they'll respect that you're not comfortable with them coming round right now and staying at yours right now. I'd gently explain to them that you massively appreciate them celebrating your birthday, but perhaps suggest that you're not comfortable with them coming in the garden at the moment because of your dad. However, perhaps have a chat with them where they're one side of the fence and you're the other so they're not coming in your garden, but get a chance to at least see you on your birthday and celebrate it in some way with you. Why not also suggest that you'd like to get together for a party when all of this is over as well? It shows you're considering their feelings and taking into account your dad's health condition as well. It's a tricky one because your friends are being kind here - you kinda just need to channel that kindness.
Happy birthdayyyyyyyyyy
Tell them taht your scared for your fathers health
Tell them taht your scared for your fathers health
Original post by camcole44
It’s my 18th tomorrow and I’ll be spending it in quarantine. My friends will be coming round to drop my presents off, like I did for their birthdays, but today I realised that they want to stay for a while. As in come into my garden/house and chat for a few hours. I know I sound like a nasty person when I say this but I really don’t want them to stay. The main reason being that my dad is at high risk of the virus so my anxiety has been through the roof since the beginning of lockdown. I know they have been in contact with several people/broken the rules of lockdown, so they could potentially have it. I would feel a lot more comfortable if they simply dropped their presents off like I did on their birthdays. But they’ve already decided amongst themselves that they're going to be staying for a while.
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them no without sounding like a b*tch. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them no without sounding like a b*tch. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
You're just going to have to level with them and tell them you appreciate the presents but your dad is high risk, and as his life is as stake you are taking this very quarantine very seriously and can't let them in because of the risks
they will be disappointed but if they are proper friends they will understand.
Original post by camcole44
It’s my 18th tomorrow and I’ll be spending it in quarantine. My friends will be coming round to drop my presents off, like I did for their birthdays, but today I realised that they want to stay for a while. As in come into my garden/house and chat for a few hours. I know I sound like a nasty person when I say this but I really don’t want them to stay. The main reason being that my dad is at high risk of the virus so my anxiety has been through the roof since the beginning of lockdown. I know they have been in contact with several people/broken the rules of lockdown, so they could potentially have it. I would feel a lot more comfortable if they simply dropped their presents off like I did on their birthdays. But they’ve already decided amongst themselves that they're going to be staying for a while.
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
Just tell them that you're not willing to risk your dad's life for a natter with your mates. Be firm, you can meet up with them another time. If it comes to it and they do come round anyway, just stay inside the house, don't answer the door or go to them.
Just be direct with them. They will understand and respect your decision.
I think it's really great what you're doing for your dad, I'm sure he appreciates it. I'm also shielding due to my own issues, admittedly though I saw one of my best friends recently in the garden, she came through the side gate. Different people take different risks, I've not been outside the house in 14 weeks (bar being in the garden once). I know of people doing chemo who have been out on walks and sat in parks despite being high risk!
Your position is valid.
I think it's really great what you're doing for your dad, I'm sure he appreciates it. I'm also shielding due to my own issues, admittedly though I saw one of my best friends recently in the garden, she came through the side gate. Different people take different risks, I've not been outside the house in 14 weeks (bar being in the garden once). I know of people doing chemo who have been out on walks and sat in parks despite being high risk!
Your position is valid.
Let them know that your Dad is high risk so it is unsafe for you to hang out with them right now.
I had the same issue in May. My Dad is also high risk, so I told a friend who asked to come over that it was better if she doesn't because I needed to think of his safety. She sent me a gift in the post instead.
I had the same issue in May. My Dad is also high risk, so I told a friend who asked to come over that it was better if she doesn't because I needed to think of his safety. She sent me a gift in the post instead.
Original post by camcole44
It’s my 18th tomorrow and I’ll be spending it in quarantine. My friends will be coming round to drop my presents off, like I did for their birthdays, but today I realised that they want to stay for a while. As in come into my garden/house and chat for a few hours. I know I sound like a nasty person when I say this but I really don’t want them to stay. The main reason being that my dad is at high risk of the virus so my anxiety has been through the roof since the beginning of lockdown. I know they have been in contact with several people/broken the rules of lockdown, so they could potentially have it. I would feel a lot more comfortable if they simply dropped their presents off like I did on their birthdays. But they’ve already decided amongst themselves that they're going to be staying for a while.
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
Youre completely right to be concerned, maybe if you tell them your dad is high risk and you arent allowed out and properly explain to them how they could potentially kill him (even though its incredibly unlikely, nobody in their right mind would want that weighing on their shoulders)? or offer to go somewhere different, like a public park, depending on what the rules are where you live and be very careful while out? - You could also ask them to give you your presents later, when you arent so worried.
Id say ignore your sister, they exist for the sole purpose of winding others up (I should know I am one
)
Original post by camcole44
It’s my 18th tomorrow and I’ll be spending it in quarantine. My friends will be coming round to drop my presents off, like I did for their birthdays, but today I realised that they want to stay for a while. As in come into my garden/house and chat for a few hours. I know I sound like a nasty person when I say this but I really don’t want them to stay. The main reason being that my dad is at high risk of the virus so my anxiety has been through the roof since the beginning of lockdown. I know they have been in contact with several people/broken the rules of lockdown, so they could potentially have it. I would feel a lot more comfortable if they simply dropped their presents off like I did on their birthdays. But they’ve already decided amongst themselves that they're going to be staying for a while.
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
I asked my sister for advice and she acted as if I was a bad friend. She said that there’s no harm in us all sitting in the back alley socially distanced like her friends did last week. But I’d really prefer if they didn’t for my peace of mind. I sound like a right ******** but I really don’t want them to stay. I made a post not so long ago about how they keep asking me to come out and meet them, despite knowing that my dad is at risk. Even though I tell them over and over again that I’m very worried about him, they just don’t seem to get it. They don’t have any family members who are at risk so their perspective is very different to mine.
I don’t know how to tell them without sounding like a b*tch. To make matters a little more complicated, one of them is recovering from a broken ankle. So, according to my sister, if I don’t let her stay and sit down, this makes me an even worse friend. I’m thinking of making up a little white lie, telling them that my dad said he’s not comfortable with it or even that he’s showing symptoms (bit extreme I know). But I feel like everyone treats me as if I’m crazy when my worries are quite legitimate. What’s your advice? How do I tell them nicely?
You're thinking about prioritizing your friends coming over against your father's life. Have a sit down in front of the mirror and contemplate about it for a minute.
If you need a bunch of online people on TSR to tell you what the right thing is, please refrain from having kids in the future.
i also have a vulnerable person at home, but i went to see my friends in a group of 6, socially distanced - twice.
its good to see your friends to have some social contact. it was such a fun day - we just got drunk in the sun and played games etc and it really lightened my mood a lot, which was good for me. it's important you do the same really - obviously just stay further apart than you need to and take it seriously.
it's all about balance
its good to see your friends to have some social contact. it was such a fun day - we just got drunk in the sun and played games etc and it really lightened my mood a lot, which was good for me. it's important you do the same really - obviously just stay further apart than you need to and take it seriously.
it's all about balance
Can you meet somewhere (socially distant) away from the house? I am sure if they are real friends they will understand about your dad.
Original post by toronto353
I actually agree with you here and I think you're being really sensible about everything. I don't think you're being a bad friend here at all. Your friends have good intentions, but, if they respect you and value you as a friend, they'll respect that you're not comfortable with them coming round right now and staying at yours right now. I'd gently explain to them that you massively appreciate them celebrating your birthday, but perhaps suggest that you're not comfortable with them coming in the garden at the moment because of your dad. However, perhaps have a chat with them where they're one side of the fence and you're the other so they're not coming in your garden, but get a chance to at least see you on your birthday and celebrate it in some way with you. Why not also suggest that you'd like to get together for a party when all of this is over as well? It shows you're considering their feelings and taking into account your dad's health condition as well. It's a tricky one because your friends are being kind here - you kinda just need to channel that kindness.
Thanks for your advice! I’m going to have a little chat with them at the front door so we at least get to see each other. But I’ve still yet to pluck up the courage to tell them they can’t stay, I always overthink things like this hahaha.
Original post by Wannabevetnurse
Happy birthdayyyyyyyyyy
Tell them taht your scared for your fathers health
Tell them taht your scared for your fathers health
Thank youuu! That’s what I’m going to do
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